Have you ever watched people when you were at the airport? Do you create a story in your mind about the people you watch?
I do at times.
Once I was in the airport waiting for my baggage and as I looked across the carousel I saw this couple. They seemed like a happy couple who had a good marriage, but then I caught myself. I started thinking all these negative and judgmental thoughts about either one or both of them.
That is crazy! Why did I go down that road?
I have heard the idea from leadership expert John Maxwell: put a ten on everybody. If I rated them as a ten would I even go down a road of judgement? Wouldn’t I instead appreciate them and look for the good in them?
As leaders we have to be aware of how we think about others whether a prospective customer, a present client, or our fellow employees. How we think impacts our actions. If I focus only on the negative attributes then my behavior will reflect that and vice-a-versa.
When I reflected on that experience, I thought of three reasons why I engage in judgement. These same three concepts can negatively impact how we lead and influence those around us.
- Jealousy. I look at the gifts others have or how they appear to have all that I want and get jealous. At times I create a story in my mind of how they got where I think they are and even get frustrated. Here is the reality. I don’t know the whole story. If I look at someone I do not know who appears to have a lifestyle I desire what I see may not be the whole reality. I don’t know their true financial picture or the health of their relationships. There is always more to the story and I must tame jealousy or it will lead me down a path of treating others in a way they do not deserve to be treated.
- Self-righteousness. On the other side of jealousy I can create a story in my mind making me look better than those around me. When I think “I would never . . . “ I am acting superior than others. This attitude prevents us from connecting with others. When we fail to connect we fail to have the ability to effectively lead and influence. Influence and therefore true leadership cannot occur without connection.
- Insecurity. When we first get a leadership position, we may secretly feel insecure or we demonstrate false confidence. This insecurity creates an environment for creating stories in our minds about what other people think of us. We become consumed with ourselves and fail to serve and lead those around us. As we learn to focus on others and meet their needs more than worry about what they think of us we become leaders others want to follow.
What about you? Do you ever create stories like me? If not, share with me your secret to managing your mindset. If so tune into the jealous, self-righteous, and insecure thoughts and replace them with the opposite. You are valuable and no one is like you. You have a unique set of skills and talents you bring to the world. Use them to add value to others and make a difference. Lead well.
© 2018 Wheeler Coaching Systems, All Rights Reserved
