Do you remember the movie Monsters, INC? In one scene the main character is checking in for work that day and Roz asks him if he has gotten some of his work done. He talks fast and says he will get it to her and she responds saying:
“I’m watching you, Wazowski. Always watching. Always!”
I was reminded of this quote from an experience I had recently. As a dad I’d rather coach my sons in their sports than watch. In part because I may pay more attention coaching than I would watching. Also, I enjoy the opportunity to positively impact the lives of other youth.
Apparently, I may have move influence than I realize. One young man I am coaching is a great kid, but my strong personality got in the way of being a positive influence. I will explain more in a moment. As I reflected on this experience I realize we continually influence others more than we may realize.
What I Say
My son’s team consists of third and fourth graders. I told them before a game the umpire would call a good strike zone and encouraged them to wait for good pitches. My first batter, who usually hits well took my words literally and barely swung during his first at bat. He took my words to heart and struck out watching.
We may have a formal or informal position of authority over others. Within that role our words are taken seriously therefore we need to choose our words carefully. If the leader of the organization says sales are down this quarter. Those in the organization may get nervous for their jobs even if sales are only down slightly and there is no concern of layoffs. What we say carries weight.
How I Communicate
If you are familiar with the personality behavior profile of DISC, I have a lot of “D” in me. What that means is I can be very direct, impatient, and am comfortable with confrontation. The young man above I mentioned happened to behave in a way that demonstrated poor sportsmanship and I confronted him in the dugout about it. I had my stern father look and voice even though I did not raise my voice.
I came to find out later this crushed him. I do not want any kid to not enjoy the game because of how I coach. After I found this out, I felt horrible. As I reflected on this I realized my insignificant position of little league head coach held weight for this young man. How I communicated could have been done in a tone that did not communicate to him such anger.
As leaders we need to be intentional about how we communicate. We may think we are being calm, but because of our position as a leader or parent those we are confronting may hear a shoe drop when we only think we are dropping a feather. Both our tone and our body language matter especially if we are communicating virtually . . . but that is for another day.
My Response
Coaching kids who do not completely know what they are doing is like training the new employee fresh out of college. We may know a lot and expect them to be where we are right now, but they are not.
A ball was barely hit in front of home with the bases loaded. The pitcher got the ball and overthrew first which leading to three runs scored. I was raising my voice trying to tell them what to do because they had not experienced the situation, so my response mattered.
Our emotions can get strong, as leaders we must be self-aware enough to not react but respond. When we respond we engage the thinking part of our brains and prevent over-reaction which in my experience leads to cleaning up many relational messes.
(In case you are wondering I talked to them in the dugout about being aware of the situations when they are in the field, but I over-reacted a little in the moment.)
People are always watching us. Parents, employees, our children, community members and more. This pressure is enough to make us want to make excuses like Mike in Monsters, INC, hide, or flat out quit. Do not do any of that! Be aware and keep growing your leadership in these areas so you can be more impactful leaders at work and home. If you want to increase your personal self-awareness go here to learn about the Maxwell DISC Personality Indicator I mentioned earlier. Lead Well!
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