Maybe you have heard the phrase “be tough” as a child or even as an adult. What comes to mind when you hear this word? Is it some braggadocios, loud-mouthed individual who listens to no one? Maybe it is the silent, stoic, emotionless individual with a cowboy hat just for effect. Maybe you see an unflappable individual amidst emergency such as a firefighter urgently, yet calmly racing to fight a fire.
This concept is discussed in homes, at work, and definitely in the sport arena. Former Duke basketball athlete Jay Bilas wrote an entire book entitled Toughness. The book is full of concepts related to the idea of toughness as it relates to trust, preparation, communication, commitment and more. His legendary coach said the following about toughness:
“We are not born tough,” Kryzewski said. “We may be born into a great family situation, or a difficult family situation that forces or conditions you to be tough, but we aren’t born that way. Toughness comes from how you handle your experiences, what you learn from them, and how you are guided through them by others in your life.”1 p.5
Coach K suggests that toughness comes out of how we respond to our situations and how we learn from them.
Toughness appears to be a mindset we develop over time as we learn through the challenges of life.
This concept has been studied on a more objective level. Angela Duckworth spent years both in management consulting and education. After years teaching seventh graders math, she went to graduate school to study who is successful and why. In her book Grit she discusses what she found which seems to agree with Coach K on some level. She found a “gritty” person is someone who has a combination of passion and perseverance. IQ did not determine nor a person’s upbringing or background as she studied Scripp’s Spelling Bee participants, West Point students, and at-risk youth she had worked with.
a “gritty” person is someone who has a combination of passion and perseverance.
In her TED talk2 in April 2013 she says in order to build grit one must have a growth mindset. This is an approach to experiences and life similar to what Coach K talked about above. When challenges come, what will you learn from them?
As a leader, how do we grow in grit? Similar to how one grows a muscle. . . get uncomfortable. Put yourself in situations that force you to exercise perseverance. Surround yourself with people who have similar passion, but think differently and will stretch your thinking. Bring people in your life who will help you process your challenges and learn from them such as a coach or mentor. Continue to pursue your vision with great passion and never give up just because the road gets bumpy. As a friend of mine once told me about relationships, “enter the mess.” When we enter the mess and stay we will grow in toughness and as a person.
What do you need to do to become tougher at home and/or at work?
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- Bilas, Jay. Toughness. Penguin, New York. 2013.
- https://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_grit_the_power_of_passion_and_perseverance?language=en accessed Oct. 11, 2016
