Blog - Page 16 of 60 - Wheeler Coaching Systems

Apr

2022

How Do You Respond To Failure?

Recently I was facilitating a training where we were playing The Leadership Game Sales Edition. During our time people would come up to roll the die and pick a card. After reading the card to the group they had to answer a question.

One question highlighted the idea that fear plays a major factor in success. Multiple fears were highlighted, but I want to address the one that may trip many of us up. This fear can consciously or unconsciously trip us up to the point of paralysis. The fear of failure.

Where does it come from?

We all can agree that we fail. This is a part of life. What creates this fear? I will suggest a few factors that create this fear.

Our identity is wrapped up in not failing. We want to do things right and then if we fail we think WE ARE a failure.
The environment we perform in. Maybe we work in a culture that shames people when they fail instead of encouraging learning and growth.
As a recovering perfectionist myself I recognize my fear of failure can often be rooted in thinking that anything other than perfect is bad.

How do you respond?

In his book Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn, leadership expert John Maxwell provides four ways that we may respond to failure. I encourage you to look at these responses and ask yourself which one do you tend to naturally lean toward?

Blow up – get angry, blame, rationalize, compensate, or be resentful
Cover up – hide our mistakes and possibly make excuses
Back up – withdraw in hopes no one will discover our mistake
Give up – quit and never address the mistake

Maybe one of these jumped out at you. The next question is how can you best neutralize this unhealthy response? Let’s look at some ideas in the last section.

What can help you respond better?

Maybe you have young children, or you remember falling off your bike when you learned how to ride a back. When my kids were learning how to ride a bike eventually they would fall. Now I had a choice as a parent:

Run and make a big deal about their fall like it was the end of the world.

Encourage them that they are ok and need to get up.

We have that same choice every time we fail. Will we lay on the ground and pout and stay stuck or will be bounce up and grow? Bouncing is getting up and trying again quickly. At times bouncing is pausing to evaluate what went wrong, learn from it and try again. Sometimes bouncing is not making the same choice and going down a different path. If we hit a tree when riding our bike we will take a new path.

How do you need to shift your response to failure? Have you had a recent failure that has you stuck? Need help getting unstuck? Go here for a no cost thirty-minute thinking partner session to help you start getting unstuck. In the meantime when you fail, bounce up, learn and keep growing. Lead well.

Apr

2022

Winning the Mental Battle

We are a Marvel movie family and recently we watched the second movie in the Venom series. You may think I am crazy that I am writing something about this movie and tying it to leadership in some way. Stick with me for a minute.

For those of you not familiar with the movie the quick summary is that an amoeba alien has become symbiotically attached to the main character. During the movie Eddie constantly seems like he is talking to himself. In reality he has an ongoing conversation with Venom. After watching I thought about how each of us has a Venom inside our heads.

We all talk to ourselves, but how can we manage that conversation like Eddie had to manage his conversations with Venom?

Hear Venom

Let me reassure you. You are not crazy. We all talk to ourselves. At times we are too busy to hear the voice or we try to avoid it because it drives us crazy. The voice in our head may serve us well . . . or not, but we will get to that in a moment.

During this movie there is a scene where Venom tells Eddie to look in a jail cell right before he is about to leave. In that cell are clues to what is going on in the movie. This is when the voice serves us well. We get this hunch to go somewhere, have a conversation with someone, do something, or any of something else. We act even though it makes no sense and something good happens or something bad is prevented. Take time to listen to the voice, but then go to the next step.

Test Venom

In the first movie Eddie had no clue what was going on and didn’t know if this voice was trustworthy. Similarly, we need to test the thoughts coming to our mind. My favorite book talks about “taking every thought captive.” When you hear the thought pause enough to evaluate if this thought is true and will it serve you well.

Decide if you Should Agree with Venom

We have heard the thought and tested the thought and now we need to decide what to do with the thought. Here are a few options:

Ignore the thought because it does not serve us and replace it with a thought that does serve us well.
Think on the thought to determine if we should continue to think into and act on it later.
Act on the thought if it serves us or could potentially serve us without major negative impact.

We all have a voice in our head. Accept that as a reality and even give it a name so, when necessary, it can be confronted directly. Our thoughts do not have to control us. Consider what we dwell on and focus on what is true, right, and serves us well to help us reach our vision.

Where in this process do you get stuck? Need help breaking through these limiting beliefs? Contact me for a no cost to you thirty-minute coaching session to help you think into your self-leadership. Sometimes the voice gets so loud we need someone else to help us test and decide. You are fighting the same fight everyone is. Remember you choose what you focus on. Focus on what is true and lead well.

Mar

2022

Coaching as A Leader

I was having a conversation with Andy Dalton CIO of CREA about his approach to leadership. During our conversation we discussed how he utilizes a coaching style in his leadership.

While talking I asked him to share more about his approach. Below are some of the principles that inform his approach to leadership.

Win/Win

In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People Steven Covey shares the idea of having a win/win mentality. This approach serves us well in multiple aspects of life. When implementing a coaching style of leadership Andy is seeking out a win/win.

One win is that the team succeeds. Leaders must have a clear picture of what success looks like for the team. Imagine a sports team with limited talent. A national championship may not be realistic, but a conference championship could be. Once the leader knows what success looks like for the team, they move to the second win.

What does success look like for the individual? This is where the coaching really begins. True coaching involves asking questions. Leadership expert John Maxwell states:

“The most effective way to connect with others is by asking questions.”

Asking questions helps leader understand what success looks like for the individual. As the leader clarifies this they are on the path to the second win.

Emotional Intelligence

Daniel Goleman, the pioneer in emotional intelligence research, identified five areas that make emotional intelligence. Self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. Dalton highlighted the importance of emotional intelligence to lead as a coach.

An effective coach-leader has enough emotional intelligence to read people. They can pick up on the cues others and since whether they are in or out of alignment. This is a critical skill to listening well. Dalton has found that effectively listening will tune him into what is truly important to the individuals he leads. These first two ideas lead into the final aspect of a coach-leader.

Motivation

I will not cover the different types of motivation here but will suggest the best motivation is intrinsic. As a leader asks questions, listens, and understands how others think and feel he or she will be equipped to motivate the people he or she leads. Andy has found a few keys to sustaining motivation with those he leads.

Vision casting – a leader’s job is to help others see more before. The leader holds the big picture in his or her mind and helps others see it. Vision inspires and gives purpose.

Truth telling – confrontation can be a challenge for some leaders, but an effective coach-leader has difficult conversations to hold people accountable when necessary.

Loyalty and encouragement – people thrive in a positive environment where they know the leader is supporting them. As the leader speaks truth, he or she must make sure the team knows the leader is on their side and believes in them.

Is this an approach that you could adapt in your leadership? Maybe you just need to incorporate one aspect of this style. Coming alongside those we lead and guiding them is necessary to equip people to lead themselves. What step will you apply? Lead Well.

Mar

2022

Three Secrets of Successful Coaches

It is that time of year where college basketball suddenly comes to the front of many lives. Work productivity seems to drop a bit on the Thursday and Friday the tournament begins. People like myself who don’t pay attention all year to college basketball become more in tune.

The games are exciting to watch especially when David topples Goliath (i.e. Kentucky being beat early this year), but there is an element we rarely notice. The coaches. We notice the crazy coaches that get media attention, but I am going to suggest that none of these teams get to the tournament without great leader-coaches.

Sports psychologist Jeff Janssen and Greg Dale years ago described the secrets of successful coaches in their book The Seven Secrets of Successful Coaches. I will not go into all the seven secrets here, but if you are interested I do recommend this book as a great resource for any leader. Allow me to dive into a few of the principles and challenge us to evaluate how we are doing on these areas.

Caring

“I know if somebody really cares about me and is really fighting for me, I’ll go through a wall for them.”

Mike Shanahan

I realize this one may seem like a no-brainer. Of course we care about our people. Just like some of us men may think “of course I love my spouse” but we fail to tell or show our spouse that we love her. What does this look like for us as leaders?

One example Janssen shares is of Coach K of Duke. He would make it a practice to have each of his players over for dinner to get to know them and connect. I realize as leaders we can’t always nor may want to do something like that, but maybe we take someone out for lunch or stop by their office with no agenda but to check in on how they are doing. If they had something significant happen in their personal lives did we celebrate with them?

When a team member is struggling personally reach out and listen. Maybe they need their workload lightened for a period. If you see more in them than they see in themselves, call it out. Caring can be demonstrated in multiple ways, think of one way you can demonstrate caring to your team members.

Confidence Builder

“You have to create an environment where everybody feels good about themselves and what they can do.”

Marty Schottenheimer

Our words and actions can build others up or tear them down. This is always true, but when we have a position of authority over others our words can have even more impact. Let’s be honest, we all can have fragile egos, even the most confident of us battles. Janssen provides seven steps to building confidence that he covers in depth but I will share a modified version of them here so you can think into which of these seven you need to focus on with some of your team members:

Focus on Potential
Plant Seeds of Success
Sell Team Members on Themselves
Show Them a Simple, Specific Plan
Inspire Them
Set Them Up for Quick Wins
Accentuate the Positive

Be a Communicator

“Confusion leads to misunderstanding, and misunderstanding leads to conflict.”

Joe Torre

Whether with teams I lead or am a part of or with organizations I serve, communication is one of the top challenges. I provide entire workshops on this and there is so much that can be said, but Janssen immediately suggests the foundation of effective communication is being open and direct.

For some of us this idea creates anxiety because of a desire to keep people happy and avoid confrontation. When we are caring, open, and direct we eliminate confusion. If we are frustrated we need to discover why and then appropriately share the reason. Balance candor and care in these conversations to maintain connection with those we lead.

Leader, when you see a problem, deal with it. Even better, create space to anticipate problems so you can proactively deal with them and communicate. Be proactive, candid, and continue to care.

Which of these do you need to focus on in the next 24 hours? Need help seeing any blind spots? Contact me or go here to invest in a Maxwell DISC Personality Indicator with a personalized debrief to understand not only your communication style, but your leadership strengths so you can leverage them to demonstrate care and instill confidence in those you lead. Lead Well.

Mar

2022

Three Leadership Lessons from Coach K

When I was in Junior High my best friend was a huge Duke basketball fan. I’m not really a big basketball guy and if you saw me play you’d know why. During the years of our friendship Duke was in the beginning stages of being led by the now legendary basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski.

Years later he wrote the book Leading With the Heart. Interestingly enough since writing that book he has led his teams to three more of their five national championships. What are the keys to his success? I am not going to share all the principles he shared, but allow me to highlight a few that will help you in your leadership.

The Plan is a Guide

“Any blueprint to leadership has to be used as a guide.”

Leaders continually make plans. Leading up to a game coaches will watch film and develop a plan, coach their players on the plan and start the game implementing the plan. Then the unexpected happens. A key player gets injured. Penalties are racking up.

At work we know this disruption more now than ever. Many organizations had well thought out plans for multiple years at the end of 2019. Then the world shifted dramatically. The original plan now became a guide or got completely thrown out. As leaders we must be careful not to get attached to our plan and always be learners. Willing to adapt, learn, and grow. Lose the attachment to the plan and continually learn

Calm in Crisis

“[Leaders in crisis] stay calm, stay focused, stay positive, stay confident, and utilize their best people.”

This is great advice we have heard, but there is a tight rope we must walk as leaders that Coach K discusses. For the people you lead to trust you they must know you. An easy way for them to know you is by being open. Do you admit when you’ve made a mistake and accept responsibility for it?

We are all human and when those we lead know we make mistakes the pressure to be perfect decreases so they have freedom to risk, grow, and learn. If we mess up and still pursue excellence those we lead will see the model and catch the expectation.

The other part of this tight rope is showing your team the face they need to see in crisis. I was talking with a group of leaders and one said that he will be open about struggles with those who are at the same leadership position as he is. This is his safe space to be completely authentic because in a crisis the leader’s job is to instill confidence even amidst doubt.

Find the Heart

“Leaders have to search for the heart on a team, because the person who has it can bring out the best in everybody else.”

No matter what you lead, someone is the energy for the team. At first this is your job as the leader and vision carrier, but over time effective leaders find torch bearers. They find people who will help their team continue even when they feel like giving up. These individuals help bring passion to the cause.

Coach K mentions Bobby Hurley as the heart of one of his teams. He was the individual who Coach K had to create an atmosphere that players felt free to share their heart. Krzyzewski understood that if he created the right atmosphere on his team for people to express themselves it would empower others. When our teams are allowed to work from their heart and not just their head the results are multiplied.

These are just three of the lessons we can learn from Coach K’s experience. How are you doing in each of these areas? Do you cling too tightly to your plan or try to control your team so much they do not feel free to express themselves and how do you show up during stressful times? Need help processing this? Contact me for a no cost to you thirty-minute thinking partner session to help you raise your leadership capacity. Lead Well.

Feb

2022

Building Championship Teams

When I was in the sports performance industry, I came across an author who has great experience developing teams. In his book Championship Team Building performance coach and author Jeff Janssen describes seven characteristics of championship teams. He has helped build them in multiple NCAA sports.

I’m not going to highlight all of them as you can invest in his book yourself, but I will highlight a few that are common to all teams whether in sports or elsewhere.

Common Goal

As the leader you can have a vision or large team goal. Until that vision becomes something shared and committed to by everyone results will be limited. The first leadership challenge is they have the goal in mind, but the team may be slow to buy in. Let me suggest a way to improve buy in.

Take time to meet with your team and get feedback on what is important to them. Have them provide input as to what success looks like beyond just improving the bottom line. Bring together key influencers (who may not be in positions of leadership) to determine the steps to achieve the common goal. The more influencers involved in the process, the greater the buy in. Regardless of his personal challenges this thought by Rick Pitino is a great summary to this idea:

“Create significance for the group, whether it is an organization, a team, or a company . . . Each member must feel he or she is part of something important, and not just putting in time.”

Having team members actively contributing to the goal setting conversation will increase the sense of being a part of something important.

Clear Communication

“You can only succeed when people are communicating, not just from the top down but in complete interchange.”

Bill Walsh

I don’t have the time to go into all the depths of communication. I provide workshops on various elements of how to communicate and connect better. The key with this principle for teams is to communicate. I would take this a step further to suggest we OVERCOMMUNICATE. Within any organization communication and productivity correlate. If we communicate more than expected we will keep the vision and goals top of mind and keep everyone moving forward. Three of the ten tips Janssen gives on sending messages are:

Be consistent – a leader’s message may be stated different ways, but the expectations and goals behind them are consistent.
Be focused – stick to one message to prevent confusion
Be redundant – vision leaks so say it multiple times in multiple ways

Constructive Conflict

“Happiness is not the absence of conflict but the ability to deal with it effectively.”

Anonymous

Entire books have been written on this topic so we will only scratch the surface here. Healthy teams have conflict. Alan Mullaly former CEO of Ford during the 2008 economic crises created a system for conflict where everyone was expected to grade their department. If everyone was giving their area green (for all good) he knew they were not being honest. Without conflict we cannot address problems. Janssen provides some excellent tips on our attitude when handling conflict. Here are a few I will highlight:

Confront in a spirit of helping – create an environment where everyone is learning
Attack the problem, not the person – pause to be sure you have the real issue and are not making the individual feel they are the problem
Keep control of your emotions – this may be the most challenging one, especially when the issue is important, but maintain objectivity so you can find the best solution for everyone

These were just a few of his tips on building championship teams. Which one of these areas do you need to develop? Take a minute and write down one action step you will take so you can develop a healthier and more productive team. Need help thinking into this? Contact me for a no cost thinking partner session. Lead Well.