Blog - Page 22 of 60 - Wheeler Coaching Systems

Jul

2021

Communicating with Candor and Care

Recently I was involved in a couple difficult conversations. Actually, I was on the receiving end.

If you’ve had that experience and truth was spoken, then you know the internal processing that can occur afterwards. As I was reflecting how I need to learn and grow from each conversation I realized I haven’t always handled difficult conversations well with others.

I don’t have the time to go in depth on this idea. Not too long ago I did a webinar on the topic and a couple books that can help you go deeper on this topic are Radical Candor and Crucial Conversations. Looking back on some of the difficult conversations I’ve had with others I should have and will apply in the future the following principles.

Relationship is Paramount

“Only when you care about the whole person with your whole self can you build a relationship.”

Kim Scott

I tend to be a very direct person especially when it comes to confrontation. That strength is also a weakness. Because I do not hesitate to confront a problem, I can hurt others. In this desire to quickly deal with the issue and get to a solution I may fail to consider the relationship. Let me explain.

As Kim Scott says above, we must care about the whole person. Often as leaders we address performance or behavior issues. I have had to do that often, but in my desire to quickly address the issue I have failed to communicate in a manner that truly values the person. Before having the candid conversation consider how you can carefully communicate in a manner that expresses how you value the individual as a person while not glossing over the real problem.

Remove Ego

I am good at over-reacting. Ask my three sons. I find often the over-reaction comes out of my ego being hurt. Ego is simply one’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance. We all have an ego, but sometimes they get hurt. Here are a few signs ego is getting in the way:

Being right is more important that doing what is right for everyone.
We are frustrated because others are not doing what we want them to do.
We are digging our heels in to argue why we are not at fault in the issue.

If you see these signs within you during a difficult conversation, then check your ego. One way I find helpful is reminding myself to keep the big picture in mind. Another way is the final idea below.

Listen

In my book 25 Ways to Lead Better at Work and Home I highlight the levels of listening so I will not cover that here. The third idea I realized is in my desire to quickly address the problem and solve it, I failed to listen. I missed Steven Covey’s principle of seeking first to understand before being understood.

When we must have a difficult conversation, we may not know the entire story. Maybe performance has dropped or behavior is off at this moment because of a personal problem. Possibly there was poor communication and expectations were unclear. Before launching into the confrontation take a moment to ask questions. Get curious where you are frustrated, and you may realize the issue was not as bad as you thought.

As I said, I am still growing in this area. Which of these areas do you need to develop? If you want to dive deeper into the issue e-mail me at randy@wheelercoachingsystems.com and I can send you a link to the webinar on the topic so you can dive deeper. Enter into the mess of the difficult conversation with candor and care. Lead Well.

Jul

2021

Learning from a Local Government Leader

I was talking to a man who has had the opportunity to lead in the private sector and now serves at a local level in the public sector. This leader who moved from Ames, Iowa to the Indianapolis, Indiana area to work for a medical equipment company and eventually owned one for well over a decade. After selling this company he entered public service.

While we talked, my goal was to understand his top leadership principles. Before diving into his top three principles, I learned the core of his success is his optimism. This optimism carried him through multiple business setbacks which I do not have time to cover here.

This is not a Pollyanna, roses and sunshine optimism. A deeply embedded determination rooted in optimism that there is a solution and he just has to find it. This echoes Napoleon Hill’s idea when he says:

“a few people know from experience the soundness of persistence. They are the ones who have not accepted defeat as being anything more than temporary.”

Combined with his optimism a few principles have risen to be guides in how he leads.

Empathy

In shifting from the private sector to the public sector this skill has grown. As a business owner it can be tempting to lead in a dictatorial manner which may be “easy”, but not healthy. When we take this posture, we lead at a position level of leadership. This works . . . until it doesn’t. I am not suggesting Jeff was a dictatorial leader when he owned his business, but when one shifts from business owner to public service, they have less power.

This is where empathy comes in. As a leader he had to take time to “walk in another man’s shoes.” This ability enables him to lead at what John Maxwell calls a “permission” level of leadership based on relationships. If we want to win the hearts of those we lead empathy helps others know we care. When they know we care they are more inclined to follow our lead.

Humility

Young leaders are often tempted to think they must have all the answers. Through his years of experience in life and leadership Jeff understands this is not the case. Not only does he understand this, but he is willing to admit he does not have all the answers. This posture has enabled him to understand his weaknesses and fill those weak areas with people who are strong where he is not.

This humility combines with the empathy described previously. Jeff suggested that for one to have empathy “my feelings have to be superseded by our/your feelings.” In other words, we must put the needs of others in front of our personal needs and as a public servant this is crucial. I would also suggest a leader in any sector will greatly benefit from this frame of mind.

Communication

As I work with leaders and organizations this is the biggest area of challenge. Communication has multiple layers and Jeff emphasized the importance of constant communication as a leader. What makes this so important? Collaboration.

A healthy organization or team is collaborative which opens the door to creativity. This collaboration can eliminate always dealing with the “squeaky wheel.” At times as leaders we must simply inform, but I will dive deeper into collaboration and informing in a later post. For now, the important principle is that we must communicate often as leaders especially when we are leading a large group of people.

While wrapping up our time Jeff shared with his biggest leadership idea which I want to share with you.

“No matter what challenge you receive it will get better as you pursue the right thing and keep pushing on with great people around you.”

Leadership is not easy and growing as a leader is critical. Jeff has modeled that in his growth in the above listed areas. Which of these areas do you need to grow in? Need help thinking into that growth? Schedule a thirty-minute thinking partner session at no cost to you so I can help you think into your leadership results. Lead Well.

Jul

2021

Red, White and Blue Leadership

As we celebrate the freedom our forefathers fought to provide over two hundred years ago, I reflected on the significance of the colors on our flag. Three colors. Each with a meaning.

Not long ago I learned marketing experts employ psychological reasons in choosing colors. Not only did I research the significance of each color on the flag, but also the marketing significance. As I explore the meaning behind each color permit me to reflect on leadership qualities they also teach us.

Red

The significance of this color is valor and bravery. From a marketing perspective this color denotes excitement, passion, danger, energy and action. Our founding fathers saw the danger in the fight they were pursuing to be freed from the tyranny of the British. In spite of the obvious danger a burning passion fueled by valor and bravery pushed them forward.

As a leader you have a passion for what you lead whether at work, home, or in the community. Some days you may feel like you are alone in that pursuit. In the beginning you often felt alone before you formed a team. In these dark moments, leaders tap into their passion to move ahead bravely even in light of the possibility of complete failure.

White

This color represents purity and innocence. Marketers use this color to denote peace, calm, hope, and comfort. I imagine what drove the founders of this nation to fight for freedom was not a lust for power, but a pure and innocent desire to live a life that no longer experienced oppression. Through the blood they shed we as a country experience a country founded on peace, hope, and purity.

Leaders must check their motives often to guard against the temptations of power and control. These powerful tempters can lead us astray and distract the team we lead. Take a moment and consider the motives behind the agenda you are pursuing. Is it for personal gain or for the good of everyone? When we put others first, we often have pure and innocent intentions.

Blue

I have frequently heard leadership expert John Maxwell say anything worthwhile is uphill. This color represents vigilance, perseverance, and justice. Marketers use it to convey trust and reliability. As the founding fathers gained their freedom they must have recognized this uphill climb and included blue as a reminder to be vigilant to protect the freedom they fought for.

Watching is one thing, but we also must continue to move forward toward the goal amidst continual challenges. Our nation continues to watch, persevere, and fight for what is right to be a beacon of trust and reliability. This is true for leaders at work, home, and in our communities. We must persevere to fight for what is right and true and continually press on toward the goal we are compelled and given to pursue. The climb is hard but continue to daily take the next step.

Those who continue to fight for our freedom. Thank you. Those who are fighting your own battles in what you lead I hope this encourages you to continue to be brave, pure, and persevere. You have what it takes to lead what you have been entrusted with. Lead Well.

Jun

2021

Three Principles for Results

Years ago Napoleon Hill wrote the book Think and Grow Rich. After reading it and experiencing multiple studies on the book I have realized a few principles he highlighted I

have seen lead to successful results in my life and others. I must confess I was skeptical the first time I read the book because my life is not all about becoming wealthy. I desire to live a meaningful life that makes a significant impact and is rich and full in other ways.

The following three principles serve us in leading ourselves and others to move toward the results we desire.

Passion

Napoleon Hill refers to this as a burning desire. Accomplishment in life requires some degree of passion. For years I was a strength and conditioning coach for athletes. This was the revealing ground of how badly an athlete wanted to be successful. There were at least three types of people.

Obsessed – no matter what the cost these athletes would work as hard as they could. They would put in extra work, do extra reps, and were all consumed with their goal.

Driven – this individual could be either internally or externally pushed. Maybe a selfish goal drove them, but once they accomplished it, they required help from outside motivation to get them to keep going.

Participant – these people showed up each day but did just enough to keep me off their case.

What determined the level one performed was their passion for the team and/or individual goal they had. If they had no clear goal they most likely were a participant or worse.

Consistency

Leadership expert John Maxwell says “consistency compounds.” What does this mean? Think of something you have started and struggled at. Maybe it was swinging a bat, hitting a golf ball or playing an instrument.

When I was in college I had a friend teach me how to play guitar. I have NO rhythm. I had to think about and talk aloud the pattern to get it. Each day I would practice a little and over time improved. I am not a musician by any stretch of the imagination, but I can make decent music now because I consistently practiced.

Maybe you are building a team, business, family or something else. Each day we must plant seeds, water, and allow them to grow in time. This requires consistency.

Persistence

The first time I did a study on Think and Grow Rich I was challenged to read the chapter on persistence fourteen days in a row and if I missed a day I had to start over. That is boring! In reality it was developing my persistence muscles and helping me understand the excuses I made when I wanted to avoid the task.

Whatever we are pursuing will be an uphill climb and we will want to quit. The theme in the lives of all people who achieve results is they persist. The salesperson who gets the sale does not quit after the first no. The marriage that struggles requires both people to persist through the difficulties, get help, and heal. The business that hits hard times discovers ways to push through, innovate, and get results.

As a leader how would you rank yourself in each of these areas on a scale of one to five? How hot is your passion? Are you willing to persist and consistently show up? If you want a resource to think into this topic more go here for a study I co-created with retired Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and fellow John Maxwell Team member Mike Lightner on Think and Grow Rich to help strengthen your mindset as a leader in these areas and more. Lead Well.

Jun

2021

Happiness as a Father in the Movies

Happiness. What is it? In 2006 actor Will Smith starred in the movie The Pursuit of Happyness which chronicles the life of Chris Gardner and his perseverance in becoming a financial planner with Dean Witter in the early 80’s.

This movie chronicles the pursuit, but it also illustrates the life of a father. Tired of the struggles Gardner’s girlfriend leaves him and he and his five-year-old son. Because of a promise to always be involved in his son’s life, Gardner refuses to leave his son behind.

Gardner stuck to this choice even through the struggles of being homeless and daily attempting to secure a place to sleep. Because of this reality Chris had to get as much work accomplished before 5:00 PM that his fellow interns were accomplishing with two more hours. Each day he had to pick up his son and rush to the homeless shelter in order to secure a spot to sleep.

Not only does this movie capture the perseverance necessary to accomplish one’s dream, but there are some poignant lessons on fatherhood.

A father can crush a dream.

During one scene Gardner is shooting baskets with his son who is very excited and has dreams of accomplishing great goals as a basketball player. Gardner unintentionally crushes his dream saying his son will probably not excel at basketball and he shouldn’t be shooting the ball all day and night. Immediately this crushes his son as he throws the ball down and starts placing it in a plastic bag to throw it out.

A father can inspire.

Moments after Gardner’s crushing statement, he realizes what he has done and pauses as he looks over the city landscape and captures the opportunity to be a father who inspires. As he stands at the fence he says:

“Don’t ever let someone tell you that you can’t do something . . . even me. You got a dream, you’ve gotta protect it. . . . If you want something, go get it. Period.”*

After these words his son’s spirits lift immediately at the encouragement of his father. A father’s job is to admit his mistakes and build up his children to be the people they were destined to become.

A father provides.

This stage of Gardner’s life was very difficult. As the father we see him providing protection, shelter, and love. When they are first kicked out of the hotel they were staying at, Gardner has to take both of them to a bathroom to spend the night. In this bathroom he hits his lowest point. As his son sleeps on his lap he provides protection while someone pounds on the door outside the bathroom. In this one moment you see the love of a father for his son through providing safety and security.

A father perseveres.

I am not sure what drove Gardner to live in homeless shelters and put him and his son through so many struggles. I assume his vision of providing a better life for his son drove him. This vision must have given him strength to persevere through sleepless nights, discouraging circumstances, setbacks and multiple challenges. In the end through all the perseverance which his five year old son could not begin to understand he was victorious. He ended in a position to provide a much better life for his family.

As you look at these lessons, what do you need to grow in? Do you accidently crush your child’s dreams? Do you need to intentionally inspire? Or do you simply need to persevere through the challenges of your life and provide for those you love today? Whatever the issue I challenge you to be the parent your child needs you to be especially if you feel like quitting. Your child needs a positive example and you may be all there is so rise up and be that person. Lead well.

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajjGtsjI7CM

Jun

2021

When A Leader Should Procrastinate

In preparing for a leadership institute I am creating for an organization I was planning the self-leadership session. The most difficult person for me to lead is myself and I have found people have a common struggle with time. May I suggest the struggle is about managing priorities and not time?

In a previous post I discussed the four quadrants tool to help prioritize time which was first brought forward by Charles Hummel in the 1960’s and later popularized through Steven Covey’s book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I won’t go into that idea now because you can learn about it here.

In my preparation I came across the book Procrastinate on Purpose by Rory Vaden. I will provide a brief overview on the concept and let you dig deeper on your own. I found combining Hummel’s framework with Vaden’s funnel gives us a process for deciding what priority a task should have. Below are some questions to help this process.

Where on the grid does this fit?

This is the question we are ultimately answering. A task or responsbility comes and we need to filter where this falls on the important/urgent grid. At times this can be challenging so we may need to filter through the following funnel Vaden created to give us a better idea.

Is this something that needs to be done?

The answer to this question or as Vaden puts it, “is this something that you can live without?” This answer determines whether we can completely remove it. As leaders we sometimes need to let go and kill the idea, task, or project.

Is this something that can be automated?

The second stage of Vaden’s funnel is what many leaders understand must occur to continue growth and progress. Is this a regularly occurring responsibility that could be systematized? For example, can you schedule your marketing so it occurs automatically? Maybe you are constantly playing e-mail schedule ping-pong with others and don’t have an assistant, but you could use a calendar service to automate scheduling.

Does someone else need to do this?

Let’s be honest, we are all control freaks on some level. Because of this tendency we get stuck in this part of the funnel. John Maxwell in his book Developing The Leader Within You 2.0 challenges us with three questions:

Is this required of me (am I the only person who should be doing this i.e. casting vision)?
Does this give me the greatest return?
Is this rewarding?

If you look at these and the answers are no and someone else can do it, then take the time to train them. I understand you may not always be able to answer John’s second and third question with a yes, but if the first question is a no then hand it off.

Do I focus or procrastinate?

Now that you have answered these three questions you are back to the important/urgent grid with the critical question. Do I purposely put this off because it will be more advantageous to wait? If the answer is no, then buckle down get it done because obviously this is an important/urgent matter that only you can do.

I only touched the surface of all the great content Vaden provides in this resource. I encourage you to look at your agenda and filter it through these two grids so you are focused on the priorities that will continue moving you and your team toward your purpose. If you need help thinking into this please contact me for a thirty-minute no cost to you thinking partner session. Lead Well!