Blog - Page 30 of 60 - Wheeler Coaching Systems

Aug

2020

Responding to Failure

Have you ever not had a result you didn’t expect? How did you respond?

One weekend my family and I took our oldest son to a regional Taekwondo tournament in Ohio. This was a brand-new experience for him. Previously he performed well in a smaller local tournament.

Let me explain how this tournament works. During the tournament athletes are grouped by their belt color to compete in both proper form technique and then they spar one another. Imagine the end of Karate Kid without the contact and you have a picture of what sparring looks like. In this tournament there were six people competing for this belt level.

Before beginning my encouragement to him was to give his best which he did. When the competition concluded they learned their ranking. In sparring he earned a bronze medal while in form he did not earn a medal.

Although I was proud of him for doing his best, the tears flowing down his face demonstrated his devastation. On one level I was glad he cared enough to be upset because he is a pretty light-hearted young man and not overly competitive naturally. While the tears flowed I briefly comforted him and then walked away to allow my wife to console him and provide me with a moment to think of what to say.

Helping Him Process His Failure

This was an important moment and I wanted to do my best to get it right. As I saw it I had a few options of how to handle the situation:

I could blame the judges and tell my son they were bad and he really did much better.
I could unintentionally encourage his sadness and feed it to the point he wallowed in self-pity the rest of the day.
I could show not empathy and say, “suck it up and get over it.”

Two Responses

What came to me was another option. I took this as an opportunity to encourage him to see how he could respond to failure. I tried to be as gentle as I could empathizing with the fact it did not feel good to lose and telling him I was glad he cared. Then I told him he had two options:

Give up and stop trying
Use this as motivation to learn and continue to grow and get better.

Thankfully he responded by stating that giving up was not an option and that he would keep trying to improve.

Author Maxwell Maltz in his book Psycho-Cybernetics states:

“When you thoroughly accept that you are not your mistakes, you are freed to acknowledge them, learn from them, set them aside, and move on from them without being mired in them.”

I don’t know about you, but I have to remind myself of the same options I gave my son when I fail. Will I give up and think I am a failure because I failed or will I look at it, learn from it and grow? What about you? What helps you respond positively to failure and not be “mired in them”? If you found this helpful for you leading yourself or others please share it. Lead well.

Aug

2020

Resilient Leadership

I spent many years working with athletes. Some of those athletes were what we would call “tough” while some were “soft.” Reflecting back this toughness we were examining is the same as the resilience every leader needs to continue leading at a high level.

What is resilience?

When I looked up the definition I found “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties, toughness or the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape, elasticity”¹ This means that whether we are leading ourselves or others we need to have toughness and elasticity to lead effectively. How can we develop this resilience?

Have a Team

No matter what we do a team is essential. A little league coach is more effective and can handle the difficult players and parents when he or she has an assistant. This teamwork becomes even more important the bigger the vision. Coaching little league is one thing, but leading a multi-million dollar organization requires a much different and larger team in order to be effective and stay in the game.

To do something great you need resilience and a key to that resilience is your team. As leadership expert John Maxwell says in his book The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork:

“One is too small a number to achieve greatness.”

Adaptable Thinking

In his book The New Toughness Training for Sport author and sports psychologist Jim Loehr discusses how undisciplined thinking can “kick our emotional targets far out of range.”² What does this mean for leaders? Effective and resilient leaders must exercise what Loehr calls “tough thinking.”

By tough thinking I do not suggest we stubbornly hold to our ideas. When necessary this is true, but we must also be adaptable and willing to change our plans when necessary. On the other hand, when difficulties come tough thinking helps us stay focused. Loehr puts it this way:

“Tough thinking will keep you from panicking when things get crazy, calm your temper when you make the unthinkable mistake, and prevent you from surrendering when the battle appears lost.”

Resilient leaders adapt, are tough, and have the discernment to know in the situation which is needed.

Growth Minded

I won’t go into the details of defining a growth mindset in this blog, but you can read a little bit about it here. What I want to highlight is resilient leaders demonstrate agility in their thinking. They adapt and adjust as challenges come.

Imagine of a star running back. He sprints straight ahead one direction and quickly adjusts because of an obstacle in the path. This agility is rooted in a mindset that says “there is a way, I/we just have to find it.”

After reading these three aspects, which do you need to focus on to improve your resilience as a leader? Need help thinking into this? Contact me today for a no cost to you thinking partner session. Lead well.

https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/resilience retrieved 6/21/20
Loehr, James. The New Toughness Training for Sport. Plume Book. 1994

Aug

2020

Three Leadership Challenges

I was discussing the leadership competency wheel I use with a client as we began the coaching process. During this conversation what came to mind were three challenges we face as leaders.

Before I go any further allow me to clarify these are felt strongly by those who are striving to lead and not just manage. What is the difference between the two of these? I don’t have time to go in depth with this and I cover them more in depth when I provide some of my leadership trainings. If you want to get a more detailed look at it then e-mail me at randy@wheelercoachingsystems.com and I will send you a free document.

When I was a strength coach much of my time was spent managing because I focused on systems, processes, and athletes efficiently moving through the process. On the other hand, when leading I take people somewhere they may have not been which can be uncomfortable for both of us. As leaders this is when we encounter the following challenges.

Risk

Gary Haugen, founder of International Justice Mission, discusses risk in his book Just Courage as not staying at the visitors center. This is the safe place where we can relax and be comfortable instead of climbing up the mountain to see the view. The mountain feels unsafe and difficult.

The mountain is risk.

Leaders must risk entering unknown territory. When we are fairly certain of the result and have the support of others this risk is minimal. Leading courageously outside our comfort zone makes the risk feel much more real. We see where we can go, but everyone else thinks we are crazy. Leadership requires us to step forward into this risk and grow.

Change

Change is a part of leadership. This could be a change in process or a large shift in direction for the organization or team. Many of us want to change and grow, but few of us want to be changed. The leader’s challenge is bringing people along to help them change with you.

John Maxwell in his book Developing the Leader Within You 2.0 which I facilitate mastermind groups around says:

“Vision divides people. It separates the people who will from the ones who won’t – and that’s a good thing.”

As leaders we must paint a compelling enough vision that people must decide whether they want to be a part of the change or not. When painting the picture, help them see themselves participating. The reality we must accept, which John alludes to, some will not want to follow. That is ok, but maybe their reason is tied to this final challenge we all battle.

Fear of the Unknown

“Leaders must be prepared to make an educated guess based on . . . whatever intelligence is available in the immediate moment.” Leif Babin

Leaders are constantly making decisions. The challenge is not the decision, but the paralysis of analysis. In their book Extreme Ownership retired Navy Seals Leif Babin and Jocko Willink discuss the challenge of uncertainty in leadership. Whether a personal or professional decision we may want 100 percent certainty and have ALL the details, but we never will.

The lack of complete information can create fear of the unknown. When we have anxiety from the fact that we aren’t sure this is the absolute right decision we may be tempted to “wait and see.” Instead, we must move forward with as much certainty as possible and be willing to accept complete responsibility for the results.

As Babin suggests above, gather as much data as possible, make the best educated guess possible, and move forward confidently.

What fear do you need to face to risk and lead change either personally or professionally? Need help breaking through areas you feel stuck in? Contact me for a no cost thinking partner session. Lead well.

Aug

2020

Learning Leadership From A Naval Officer

I was on ZOOM reconnecting with a high school friend of mine who went to the United States Naval Academy. He is in his final years of service to our country and after catching up a little I wanted to learn his top leadership principles.

Commander Brett Holdiman has been in the cockpit of a plane for most of his naval career. Although there is a standard ranking approach to leadership within the military structure, leadership looks different when airborne: the superior/subordinate structure submits to the person who has the flight lead position regardless of rank. This concept is at the foundation of the first of his three leadership principles.

Creating Value in Others

As a member of the John Maxwell Team, I get this. Putting people first is the approach John lives out in his leadership style. I had to ask Brett what he meant by this idea of “creating value.” When leaders create value in others, they recognize they do not know everything. Since this is reality, Brett found two keys to make his teams feel valued.

During the early years of his flying career, Brett realized he had much less experience than those he led. He had a lot of education, but by the time he finished flight school, some of those he led had up to six years of experience in their area of expertise. He recognized the need to trust his people and make sure they knew their job matters. As leaders, these two habits create a culture of feeling valued by those we lead.

Create an Environment to Safely Speak Up

As we discussed leadership, Brett explained the difference in flight management compared to standard leadership. Any good aviator knows that 100% of the missions they flew would not go as briefed. A part of the flight management process is situational awareness and assertiveness. Whenever Brett was airborne, he knew he did not see the entire picture in front of him…there simply too much information to digest. But the same held true for his wingmen. This fact highlights the importance of trust within his flight. It created an environment where everyone was comfortable enough to speak up in the event he was missing something, even when they were a lower rank or newer pilot.

During the heat of a mission, the importance of rank decreases drastically and leadership is flattened. The flight leader’s job is to be certain everyone feels safe to make their voice known. This happens well before take-off. As they go through their flight plan process (which I described here), an environment where others can speak up and share a dissenting view will potentially prevent deadly mission errors. This appropriately assertive culture starts before the mission, carries through the mission, and ultimately develops a healthy team during the mission.

Failure is a Path to Proficiency

None of us likes to fail and failure on a critical mission is not an option for Brett. There is a place, though, where Brett and his fellow aviators can safely fail…mission rehearsal. During this time, lives are not on the line and identifying key learning points during every flight debrief is critical. As leaders, we must have ways for our team members to test new ideas, fail, learn, grow, and try again.

Brett said they expect problems during every flight. Instead of running from them, however, challenges and obstacles are embraced, debriefed, and learned from. Their safe place to fail is during training. Similar to an athlete whose practice impacts performance, these Naval aviators must practice as if the mission is real so they are ready for anything during the real mission. As an organizational or team leader, evaluate your structure to determine where people have room to safely fail and learn.

The common theme through all three of these principles is an idea that has been ingrained in him from his training:

“The biggest resource in any organization is the people that make it run.”

What about you? On your team, in your organization, in your family . . . are people first? If you are a task-oriented perfectionist do you allow room for healthy dissent, mistakes and have a culture of care for your people? If you do not in one of these areas, what do you need to do today to move toward healthier leadership in one of these areas? Need help thinking into it? Contact me for a no cost thinking partner session to think into your leadership. In the meantime, Lead Well.

Jul

2020

Leadership Lessons From Braveheart

I remember sitting in a movie theater in Mexico twenty-five years ago when I was first captivated by the story of William Wallace as told in the movie Corazon Valiente or Braveheart as we know it in English.

This still is my all-time favorite movie. What about this movie inspires me? Many lessons, but here are a few that relate to all of us as leaders:

Courage

When this movie begins a young William Wallace has lost his father at the hands of an evil English king. Shortly after his death he has a vision of his dad who says:

“Your heart is free, now have the courage to follow it.”

Although I’ve watched this many times, I still wonder what his heart is free from, but here is the leader’s lesson. What is the dream deep inside that has been held back out of fear? Maybe a fear of failure or a fear of success. This could be a personal dream, a dream for how you can make an impact in the world through your work or what you lead or something else. When we step forward oftentimes in faith, we gain the courage that will free our heart to live our purpose.

Wisdom

“First learn to use this, then learn to use this.” Uncle Argyle

Those are the wise words of William’s uncle on the evening before taking him away from his home after his father’s death. The first “this” is his brain and the second is the sword. If you have a personality like me you may tend to enter into battle quickly. That battle may be a fight for your idea or your position or . . . .

Wisdom is knowledge applied and takes time to gain. With wisdom from the experiences of life we will know what battles to fight and how to fight them well. First ask questions to gain wisdom, then fight fiercely when appropriate.

Freedom

If you have seen this movie then you know the epic scene on the fields of Stirling. As the English army arrives, the troops become discouraged and are giving up before the battle has begun. Wallace and his army ride in and he inspires the men who are afraid of death by stating:

“They can take our lives, but they will never take our freedom.”

Later after winning this battle Wallace confronts the nobles challenging their constant squabble over land and power. He fiercely reminds these nobles that their position exists to provide the people with freedom. In whatever we lead are we empowering and giving freedom to those we lead or oppressing them? Leaders at work and at home have a responsibility to fight for the freedom of those we lead helping them live and work to their full potential.

True Leadership

“Men don’t follow titles, they follow courage.” William Wallace to Bruce

Wallace learns of an imminent attack by the English at Falkirk and he approaches the nobles asking them for unity. Bruce who is the heir to the Scottish throne pulls Wallace aside trying to talk him out of the battle and into compromise. As a noble he is encouraged to hide in the safety of compromise and comfort instead of living a life of bravery and courage.

Wallace sees leadership differently.

He and the commoners are living out of a passion for freedom and courage to fight against all odds while the nobles with positions would rather be safe and comfortable looking out only for their needs. True leadership will call us to stand up and therefore stand out. This necessitates courage. Where do you need to be more courageous in your leadership at work or home?

Living for Something Greater

Near the end of the movie the Princess of Wales visits William in prison begging him to ask the king for mercy so he can live. She does not want to watch him suffer nor die. Wallace makes a simple statement:

“Every man dies, but not every man lives.”

With death staring him in the face he had a singular vision he was willing to die for . . . the freedom of his people.

Here lies the ultimate question: is what we are living for worth dying for? Is your vision for your work, business, or family giving you life? Are you living for a greater purpose or dying a little bit every day?

Friend, there are a lot of lessons here. How can you live differently as a leader so you can live with bravery, courage, and boldness living for something greater? Need help thinking into this? Contact me. In the meantime, lead well.

Jul

2020

My Thirteen Year Old Taught Me About Leadership

I was sitting at the kitchen table. I had gotten up later that day and I was wrapping up my morning routine when the first one came.

It wasn’t a real one, but I was in so much shock it could have been.

My thirteen-year-old came straight to me and gave me a hug. I almost died on the spot. This is the child that says “ok” whenever I tell him I love him.

I was about to go workout but I knew he developed a new habit of going for a run in the morning. I asked if he wanted me to go with him. He waited about five minutes or so while I loosened up my old body and then we walked to the neighborhood park down the block.

The Second One

We start off and he flies ahead of me and I am thinking . . .

I am going to die if I try to hold his pace.

Since I wouldn’t mind living a little longer, (especially since we were about to leave on a vacation for the first time since being locked down for months) I held my pace and plodded along until my breathing and heart-rate were at a sustainable pace.

Although I did not have either heart attack I reflect on this experience and see a few leadership principles for many areas of life.

Adapt

I am a person of routine who sometimes resists change. When my son came down showing affection I knew I might have an opportunity and because I saw it, I made the offer to run with him. I’ll explain why in a minute.

As leaders we must adapt. This is essential now in these ever-changing times more than ever. We have ways we do business and routines to lead ourselves, but we must ask if they serve us or if a momentary or permanent change can serve a greater good.

Connect

I said I’d tell you why I made the offer to run. For me to lead my son well, or anyone, I must have a strong relationship with them. I saw I had an opportunity to connect with my son doing what he wanted. Yes, this aligned with my goal of getting exercise, but it was in the way he normally did it.

Leaders have the vision of where everyone is going and see what tasks need accomplished. The reality is vision will never come to fulfillment without a team. A team of people accomplishes the dream. As leaders we may have to intentionally slow down to connect and meet our team in a way that matters to them. This strategic and genuine investment will provide a long-term gain.

Long Game

Like I said, my son shot off at the beginning of the run, but as we were finishing the first lap I was right beside him. After the first turn of the second lap . . . I was ahead. What enabled me to do this since I am three decades older? Thinking like a turtle.

Change occurs fast and we must take hold of opportunities, but as the fable goes . . . slow and steady wins the race. I knew my pace and consistency would eventually pay off (and trust me my competitive side did not want him to beat me). This reminds me of Jim Collins principle of great companies that he discusses in his book Good to Great:

“Tremendous power exists in the fact of continued improvement and delivery of results.”

As I ran I was continually trying to get a little closer and each step got me closer to the result. As leaders we must consistently and steadily grow ourselves and our teams to get the winning result we want. We must hold our long-term vision clearly in our minds and the minds of those we lead.

What about you? Where do you need to adapt, connect, or become more consistent? Need help thinking into this with your team? Contact me and I’d love to help you and your team grow their leadership. Lead Well.