Blog - Page 36 of 60 - Wheeler Coaching Systems

Dec

2019

Leadership Stress

The year is winding down and there are pressures at home and among family to be everywhere and do everything. At work there are deadlines either imposed upon you or self-imposed.

The month of December can be like being in a tea kettle. We start off calm, but as the heat of life and work intensifies we can get to a boiling point and at times scream either literally or figuratively like the tea kettle. What do we do?

Can I suggest thinking into three concepts to help us manage the stress we face daily, but possibly more intensely during December?

Routine

Some of us naturally create routine. We are wired for structure and want to have life planned out by the minute. Others of us need to create that structure. Maybe you have flexibility in your day and can create your own routines or you have to create these routines during other parts of your day.

When your day begins, what happens? Is your phone your alarm clock and you instantly go to check messages of some sort? This immediately puts us in a reacting mindset. Can I suggest you look at your morning routine and evaluate whether it helps reduce stress or increases stress? Look at the first thirty to sixty minutes of the day and determine how to be more proactive in your routine.

Rejuvenate

Each of us recharges our batteries differently. Some of us get recharged by being quiet in a room or sitting in a tree stand in the woods. Others enjoy doing something productive with our hands. Some of us take naps. The possibilities are endless, but we need to know what refuels our energy.

I read of an individual who would work non-stop for three days straight and then take the next three days and do no work. Maybe that works for you if you have that flexibility. Some of us get recharged watching a movie, reading a book, spending time with family. Whatever recharges you, do you have it built into your schedule? This down time will help us be even more effective at work.

Reconnect

Leaders can easily isolate themselves thinking no one else understands their situation. We need to be in community whether that is a professional community such as a mastermind group where we can share openly and learn from one another. Maybe a personal community centered around common values. Both have the common theme of connecting beyond the surface and helping each other reach their full potential.

The five people closest to us most impact the leaders we will become. Who are the people in your life who can help you reach your full potential?

The common theme in all these ideas is creating boundaries. These boundaries help us lead ourselves and others at a higher level to get greater results. Do you want to think more deeply into this? Go here and get a free e-book with questions to process applying these three concepts on managing stress and a free e-book on 5 Ways to Lead Better. In the meantime, lead well!

Dec

2019

Holiday Leadership: Saying NO

“One can comfortably handle only so many details in his or her life.” Richard Swenson, M.D.

The holidays are a time of great expectation for time with family, friends, gifts, and the reason for the season. This is a time of great expectation in another way that can cause tension and stress. A time where you feel like you have to do things even though you don’t want to.

Awhile back I asked people “what is it that challenges you during this time of year?”

Many thoughts were provided, but a common one was how to say no without offending people. This may not be just a holiday issue because saying “no” may be challenge at many times in life.

Boundaries

When my kids were younger there were a couple playgrounds around. One of the playgrounds they went to contain a huge tower with no fences around and a body of water nearby. My wife and I would nervously watch hoping none of the boys would fall and force a visit to the emergency room. The second playground was a couple blocks down the street and had a fence. I could sit and read a book while watching the boys enjoy the equipment.

The difference between boundaries and no boundaries was less anxiety and freedom for the boys. These boundaries are what enable us to say no. Psychologist Henry Cloud and John Townsend popularized the idea of boundaries. They emphasize:

“You need to realize how much time and the energy you have and manage your work accordingly. Know what you can do and when you can do it and say no to everything else, learn to know your limits and enforce them.”

Priorities

During the holiday season we have many plans and multiple activities to engage in. We also have deadlines and goals to meet within the places we lead. At times we feel stretched to the limit and realize we need to say no to some things. How do we know what to say “no” to?

We must determine our priorities. We have deadlines at work and pressures at home. How do we say no? Operate from a creative mindset in setting priorities and think into ways to meet the deadlines without losing time at home. Is there a project that you can work more efficiently on to free up time? Do you need to lead your team in a way that establishes boundaries to help work occur more efficiently?

Three Questions

Maybe these questions I have heard from leadership expert John Maxwell will help you determine what to say no to.

What is Required of you?
What gives you the greatest Return?
What gives you the greatest Reward?

After you think on these questions maybe it will enable you to arrange your priorities and know what to say “no” to. As we know our priorities we are equipped to create whitespace for the unexpected to live and lead through the holiday season in a manner that helps us lead effectively.

Set boundaries for yourself and those you lead this holiday season so you don’t have to be stressed out. Clarify your priorities, create space, and answer those defining questions so you can lead better at work and home.

Dec

2019

Holiday Connecting at Home and Work

Confession: small talk is not my strength. I enjoy asking questions and understanding people, but I want to have a purpose in our conversation. Because of this, holiday parties and family get togethers can be stressful at times.

I like people and I love my family, but I want purpose in what we are doing. Some of you are probably thinking: “This guy is wound a little too tight.” You are probably right.

I have a guess though, others of you feel similar. At times I provide a workshop to help people understand four different personality styles and their own style. This improves communication at work and at home.

I don’t have the time to go in depth on this as people have written entire books on the topic, but let me illustrate what you may experience during the holidays as you try to connect with others.

Jim

Jim walks in the room and everybody knows. Some people feel like they are walking on eggshells. The meal was ready, but Jim takes it on himself to take over and tell everyone how things are done.

That is how Jim behaves. He takes charge and conversations with him do not last long. He is straight to the point and direct and expects you to be the same. You see Jim is a “D”.

Julie

Julie on the other hand walks in and says hi to everyone in the room. People love seeing Julie because she brings fun and energy with her. Julie is the one with all the stories and enjoys being the center of attention. How will you know if you are talking to a Julie? She never quite seems to quit talking. Julie is an “I”.

Sam

Sam has been at the party for an hour and you just noticed he arrived. He has quietly been helping the host of the party in any way he can to make the experience better. When he is not helping, you find him listening or quietly talking with one or two other individuals in a corner of the room. Sam is an “S” and is very loyal, helpful, and when the family fights arise he is trying to maintain peace.

Charlotte

Charlotte likes being around Sam because they are both a bit quiet and reserved, but Charlotte has something about her Sam does not. Insatiable curiosity. You see Charlotte at times reminds others of their five-year-old child, but less aggravating. Charlotte likes to understand how and why things work and asks lots of questions. This can drive some of the others nuts, but this is how a “C” can be.

You have a basic understanding of these types so hopefully you can do two things now:

Appreciate the differences they bring.
Adjust how you communicate with them to be able to speak their language. If we seek to serve and adjust to others we will connect and add more value to them.

Maybe in the process we might enjoy our holiday experiences as we appreciate our unique differences. If you want to understand your personal unique differences and your style go here to invest in a Maxwell DISC Personality Indicator Report. In the meantime. Enjoy your holidays and lead well!

Nov

2019

Holiday Self-Leadership

Are you like me during the holiday season? Life is already crazy with work and home expectations, but then we pile on the sometimes unrealistic holiday expectations. For example, a self-imposed pressure to buy gifts for more people than our budget can handle.

Add to all this the excessive commitments to be at holiday experiences with your family, extended family or events at school. Everything’s constantly pulling at us, and it creates so much pressure! What can we do?

We all have a lot going on. Maybe one of these ideas will help you lower the expectation level and help you maintain perspective during this time.

Community

When you are around others ask questions to connect and be in genuine authentic community with others.

Solitude

Maybe you need to take a few minutes alone to break from the busyness. One practice I implement is starting each day reading from an inspirational book. That could be a faith-based book or something else. Find something that can help you maintain perspective and dive into it.

Realistic Goals and Expectations

Are we expecting too much or ourselves? “I have to get the perfect gift,” we think. Chances are, this person cares more about you being present than the gift you bring.

Serve Others

I know during the holiday season our family tries to help other people. In the past we’ve helped with giving gifts to families in need. During Thanksgiving time we have helped deliver meals. During Christmas we have helped wrap gifts at a community gift store. All of these help us maintain perspective.

Inexpensive Fun

One tradition our family has is driving through the local Christmas light show. We also visit the neighborhood light show that coordinates lights flashing with songs on their own music station. We drive, enjoy the display, each other and it only costs a little gas money. At the same time it helps us keep perspective, connect as a family, and lower stress.

Be Kind

If you are like me, your desire to be in control can create problems. The biggest being when people do not do things the way we want them to. Sometimes when we let go of the need to be in control we empower ourselves to lead with the kindness they deserve.

I hope one of these tips will help you manage your perspective, and not be so flustered during this time, with all the expectations and added pressures on top of leading at work and home. Which one of these can you apply to help you maintain perspective? Stay tuned as next week I’m going to share a sneak peak on tips to communicate and connect better with others during the holidays. Thanks for reading, and lead well in all you do.

Nov

2019

Positive Intelligence to Win the Mental Battle

I was talking on the phone with a friend of mine one day. We were discussing the mental challenges of running a business. He mentioned a book to me that introduced a concept called positive intelligence.

In his book Positive Intelligence Shirzad Chamine gives language to the battle many of us face as we try and pursue a goal or vision. Have you ever seen or heard of the movie Gremlins? This cute, cuddly pet turns into a green monster when you add water and/or feed it after midnight. This can be the voice in our head.

Chamine calls one the Sage and the other the Saboteur. I don’t have the time here to go into depth on all he defines with this, but I want to highlight a few ideas that may help us grow our positive intelligence.

Be Aware

Thoughts come into our mind constantly. My favorite book says to “take every thought captive”. When the thought comes to our mind do we simply accept it or do we pause to evaluate it and determine if that thought is worth dwelling on? Too often we can take a thought and accept it as true no matter what. In these situations we may unknowingly empower what Chamine calls “the judge.”

Shift

Chamine suggests we become curious and explore what causes the thought to come into our awareness. Once we identify the thought, we must not agree with it when it is not true. In addition, we need to replace it with truth.

For example, a sales conversation does not go the way we desire and we think, “I am a horrible salesperson.” That is not true and we must replace that with learning from the mistakes we may have made and reinforcing what is true. Shift to focus on the times we’ve had success and what we have done right instead of what one of the “saboteurs” are telling us.

Reinforce

A war is rarely won in a single battle. There may be a defining battle, but many battles led to that one. In order to successfully win the battles against our mind’s saboteurs we must reinforce truth. That could be through the books we read, what we watch, and the people we interact with. Find a community and resources that will help you reinforce the truth instead of believing the lies.

I have asked or listened to others as they have asked my mentors about this mental battle. Unfortunately, it does not go away. The battle is real, but winnable. We must fight every day with truth. I am a person of faith, and if you are not you can ignore this idea, so for me having the ability to tap into a source (God) bigger than me helps me maintain peace and perspective amidst the battles.

What is one way you can squash the “gremlin” and replace it with truth today? Lead well!

Nov

2019

IQ or EQ and Leadership

What is your IQ?

If you are like me then you have no clue . . . maybe that means my IQ is low. At times people think the smartest person is the best leader. . . . . maybe . . . maybe not.

Leaders must have some form of intelligence, but there is something else that is equally if not more important . . . emotional intelligence.

Allow me to share a picture with you that will be a part of a book I have coming out providing a simple guide to leadership theory.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_d5n8ghzut5g/SYd8GGY1wII/AAAAAAAAAIk/a3o_ze4lGF0/s400/katz2.png

As you can see in the picture, no matter one’s position in an organization or team the human skill needs are the same. This is evidence of the need for emotional intelligence.

In one of my early leadership roles, I was what Daniel Goleman¹ would call a dissonant leader. I was out of touch with the feelings of others. I had my agenda and the task we needed to do as a group and we had to drive ahead. I saw one of my colleagues approach it differently and realized there was a more effective way.

Self-awareness

“How well leaders manage their moods and affect everyone else’s moods . . . becomes . . . a factor in how well a business will do.” Daniel Goleman

Goleman discusses this as the foundation of emotional intelligence. What is it though? This is the ability to recognize our own emotions and therefore the emotions in others. An experience I had early on made me realize the importance of not only being aware of my emotions, but the need to learn how to control them. I recognized if I did not grow in this area I would severely limit my leadership ability.

Resonance

The opposite of a dissonant leader is a resonant leader according to Goleman. This was the co-worker of mine who had developed his ability to understand others at an emotional level and motivate them in a way I could not yet. His ability was a sign of personal self-awareness, and being attuned to the feelings of others. This ability helps leaders accomplish the next concept.

Heart Leadership

“Gifted leadership occurs where heart and head – feeling and thought – meet.”

Daniel Goleman

Think of a great leader, coach, teacher, or public figure you know. What is it that makes that individual so influential? Martin Luther King Jr. and Abraham Lincoln both had the ability to connect with the hearts and minds of those they were seeking to influence. They combined a felt need with a logical path for solving the challenge the people were facing. This takes IQ, but IQ without EQ I would suggest limits us greatly.

How is your EQ? Do you connect not only logically with others, but on an emotional level? What barriers are keeping you from raising your leadership level? Contact me for a thinking partner session to help you raise your leadership. Lead Well.

Goleman, D., Boyatzis, R., and McKee, A. Primal Leadership: Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence. #ad Harvard Business School Press, 2002.