Blog - Page 53 of 60 - Wheeler Coaching Systems

Nov

2017

What Black Friday Taught Me About Sacrifice

I am either the best dad in the world or the dumbest man on the planet. It was “Black Friday” which for those who do not know that is the day all the “great deals” occur at the stores in the United States so people can get great deals on Christmas gifts. This is also the day many businesses get out of debt and become profitable hence the name.

One of my children had been saving money for months for a specific handheld video game console and it was sold out on the internet and the stores I had gone to already. As a last resort I got up at 3 AM for a sale that started at 6 AM. Being the type “A” personality that I am I bring my laptop to write this and work on some other things as well.

Now, what are my motives? My wife suggested I secretly love the whole ordeal . . . maybe. I suggest I am kind of stupid and enjoy sleep deprivation and can’t stand to see my son not save $100 on something he has saved so long for. Either way as I sat and waited a principle from John Maxwell’s book The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership came to mind. The law of sacrifice says that in order to go up you have to give up.

Now in leadership positions at work this is easy to understand. As you gain more responsibility there is more strain on your time and less freedom to do what you want. The CEO potentially has less time and more high stakes pressure than the sales people beginning in the field.

I am a father of three sons and as I sat at this big box store I had to think how this applies to me as a parent. If I am going to be a parent and not just a man with children I HAVE to sacrifice. Why did I go to that store? In part because I love my child and I know how much happiness it will give him to not only be able to own what he has been saving for, but also have money left for more games. To see him happy makes me happy.

All I am sacrificing is a little sleep, but as a dad I feel a responsibility to help my son manage his money well and be a good steward of the resources he has been entrusted with and this is a small sacrifice to hopefully help him understand this. The sacrifice must be ongoing for me. I must be willing to give up leisure time to play a game with my children when part of me wants to do something else. I must be willing to put my agenda aside and listen to their struggles even when I am exhausted and ready to go to bed.

As a father, the Law of Sacrifice is unending and this was a tiny example of the application of this law. You see in order for my influence with my children to increase I must be willing to sacrifice in a manner that lets them know I care. As we know, if those who lead us at work and home care for us we are more likely to listen to them. What do you need to give up to go up in order to improve your leadership with your family or others you lead?

Nov

2017

Who Do You Allow to Influence You?

The rule of 5. The Law of the Inner Circle as leadership expert John Maxwell calls it in his book The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. Your personal executive team. You can call it many different things, but this group of people will either help or hinder your personal and professional momentum.

The rule of 5. I have heard it said that the five people closest to us most impact the person we become. I have often interacted with youth who have recently made a poor decision that landed them in trouble. In some situations I have known the people they are friends with. I share with them this principle. If they are surrounding themselves with people who are a negative influence and encourage poor choices, then they need to change who those five closest people are.

The Law of the Inner Circle. Who do you let closest to you? Are they people who encourage you toward your dream? Are they positive and encouraging or do they either actively or passively discourage you in your pursuit of great goals? Maybe they are simply apathetic and neither encourage nor discourage you. We live in a discouraging world often times already so we must surround ourselves with people who encourage and empower us toward our goals.

Your personal executive team. Are there people in your life who will speak the truth when you need to hear it in a loving manner? One of the critical mistakes we make as people is not listening to what we don’t want to hear. I am fortunate to be married to a wonderful wife who is very different from me. Now understand I do not initially take criticism or the truth well. I get a bit defensive and need time to process and evaluate what someone has told me. When I mess up I often know it, but need to reflect and learn from the mistake before I talk about it more. I must have not only my wife, but other people in my life to hold me accountable, help me see life from a different perspective and bounce ideas off of.

Organically I create this through who I seek out for advice. Do I seek out people who only tell me what I want to hear or who are at the same stage of life as me? I try and seek out individuals further along in the journey and can speak truth whether I want to hear it or not. Another way we can develop a strong inner circle are through intentional groups or individual relationships. Groups such as masterminds where people come together to interact over similar material and learn both from the material and one another or hiring a coach to help you think into your life and leadership.

So where are you at? Do the people in your life want to grow and reach their full potential or stay safe and comfortable? The type of people we allow closest to us will most impact the person we become so who do you want near you? Think of who you need to add and who you may need to limit in your life and make the necessary adjustments so you can grow your influence as a leader.

Nov

2017

Motivating Others

I have spent many years coaching individuals and teams in athletics. (Different than executive coaching or business coaching) At one point during my time I had the opportunity to visit with the strength and conditioning coaches of the NFL Indianapolis Colts. Their job is to get these athletes to do the hardest and often least fun part of their workday. . . build and/or improve their strength, speed, and overall conditioning so they can continue to perform at peak levels.

When I was talking to them I asked them what they did to motivate the athletes. Their responded with a statement they use: “pay now and play later or play now and pay later.” These are adults they work with and they assumed their work ethic was pretty much developed therefore they left the decision up to them. The coaches provided the structure and all they needed, but ultimately the choice was up to the individual. It may help that in an elite sport culture there is always some new, young, better conditioned talent coming in to challenge their spot, but that is not the point.

These coaches were implementing one of the three principles author Daniel Pink describes in his book Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. Pink found that one of three keys to motivation is autonomy. Autonomy is simply independence or freedom to do something in a manner that seems appropriate to the individual.

Notice, these coaches did not simply open the doors and say the athletes could do whatever they wanted. They provided a structure and also provided a choice. Do it, or don’t, but there will be consequences for the choice: positive or negative.

What does this tell us about leading at work or at home?

Provide a structure – people need boundaries and some form of guidance, but they do not need to be micromanaged. If a child or adult needs micromanaging then they need to be challenged to take risks and know they are allowed to fail . . . and learn. As the leader we must be there to help them learn. We put the fence up in the playground and they can play wherever within that boundary.
Give them freedom – for a child, freedom to choose between two options. For example, clean up your room or don’t, that is your choice but there will be consequences. For the adult at work, assuming you have provided clear expectations and a clear purpose let them create the plan and as the leader check in to see what resources they need or if they need help processing.

There are more principles that can be drawn, but these two come to the front for me. When you look at your leadership at work or as a parent what do you need to improve on? Are you like me and you tend to over-control (aka micromanage) or do you not give clear enough structure and/or expectations? Do the people you lead have enough freedom to use their gifts, talents, and strengths or are you stifling them? Pause, reflect and take the next step to grow as a motivational leader.

Nov

2017

Overcoming Failure

Every year October rolls around and we have the World Series. This is baseball’s version of a world champion. Two teams have played hundreds of games and earned the right to compete in a seven game series to see who the best team is that year.

Baseball is a fascinating sport because you are considered a very good batter when you fail more times than you succeed. Imagine being in a job where if you are successful 4 out of 10 times you are considered extremely successful. Maybe this is true even in business in some arenas. Maybe this is true in parenting and our other personal relationships.

What causes the baseball player to enter into a slump? They start believing and playing a mental tape that says they are never going to hit. Author Maxwell Maltz in his book The New Psycho-Cybernetics states: “A mistake is just a mistake. We must use rational thinking to achieve perspective, to rise above these paralyzing mental hazards.” Maltz is asking if we allow the negative “failure” tape to continue to play or do we choose to replace it with a positive tape that will help us change direction?

When the baseball player lets one strike-out get to him then he has not taken the time to coach himself and not allow that one strike-out to define him for the entire game. Maybe a salesperson continues to get “no” after “no” and therefore begins to believe no one will ever buy from him. Will this become a self-fulfilling prophecy? Possibly. What if instead he decides to picture himself closing multiple deals? As he envisions that he will then start acting as if success will happen and it begins to.

Obviously there are many things in life we cannot control, but we can control our response to what life brings our way. Will we choose to let mistakes or failures define us or use them as opportunities to learn and grow? In his book Failing Forward leadership expert John Maxwell provides a helpful comparison between failing forward and backward.

Failing Backward	Failing Forward
Blaming others	Taking Responsibility
Repeating the Same Mistakes	Learning from Each Mistake
Expecting Never to Fail Again	Knowing Failure Is a Part of Progress
Expecting to Continually Fail	Maintaining a Positive Attitude
Accepting Tradition Blindly	Challenging Outdated Assumptions
Being Limited by Past Mistakes	Taking New Risks
Thinking I am a Failure	Believing Something Didn’t Work
Quitting	Persevering

Whether it is something in your personal or professional life, are you failing forward and growing? Are you replacing the negative thoughts with positive thoughts? Do you need to take a risk that may be a failure, but ultimately lead to success? Whatever you are facing the reality is you will not have an opportunity to succeed unless you take a swing.

Oct

2017

Are You A Leader?

I was standing in front of a class of High School Freshmen and Sophomores. I asked one question: do you think you are a leader? A few hands went up. Some of them were bold and confident while others were hesitant and unsure. The majority kept their hands down. I then shared a story with these young men and women.

When I was a teenager I sat next to a random group of guys my Junior year. One day we were talking, well I was listening, and this individual shared his story of evading a police officer to get a ticket. The story was entertaining and I will spare you all the details, but later it must have been subconsciously in my mind.

I was driving out of my neighborhood in my parents 80’s Cutlass Calais . . . which is not known for speed like my friends car was. I was going about 40 MPH in a 25 MPH zone when I saw a police officer. Like a smart teenager at the time as I saw him turn around I slammed on the gas whipping through neighborhoods, as fast as a car that peaks at about 100 MPH can. Eventually it dawns on me that I am not going to get away and I pull over.

As I shared that story with the students I brought to their attention the reality that I was being led by the people at my table. How? Influence. Leadership is influence and we are leading people we live with, work with, and have fun with every day whether we know it or not.

I don’t know about you, but many times I feel like I am not influencing anyone and at other times . . . like when I see my children act out negative behavior . . . I question whether I am using my influence well. What are ways we use our influence? Here are a few to consider:

Work habits – those closest to us at work and home see how we work and if we procrastinate or get our responsibilities completed in a timely fashion. If we are a formal or informal leader to them then we influence the kind of work habits they develop or will demonstrate.
People habits – as a parent I see my poor influence on handling conflict. I am a bit impatient and tend to raise my voice instead of remaining calm when the tension rises between siblings. As these boys have aged I see they have caught that and they tend to raise their voices at each other and escalate conflict instead of deescalating it. Maybe if I learn how to remain calm it will influence them.
Time habits – at work do the people around me see an appropriate balance between work and personal life? Do people see that I am productive and manage my time in a way that gets results while leaving room for building relationships? At home do we run from activity to activity or is there intentional down time to connect with one another which may be as simple as a regular meal together.

Whether at work or home we are always leading ourselves and others. These were just a few areas we are influencing others. Do you want to grow in your influence? Do you want to become more intentional in leading in a manner that influences others in the right direction and know you are not alone? What is one way today you can lead yourself and others in work, people and time? Let me know so I can learn from you.

Oct

2017

Grow or Stay the Same?

Recently I read a book called Mindset. This is an excellent book about having a growth versus a fixed mindset. As I read this I have found what can be my biggest struggle as a leader. I want to often stay comfortable and I resist change. I resist getting out of my comfort zone.

One night I saw this played out. I was sitting in the kitchen with my family. At the time we had the opportunity to purchase a “new” car. New in my world means not as old as the one I presently own since I’m not a fan of buying a brand new car. No offense to anyone who is in that industry.

My youngest child had only known our blue Honda Odyssey which had close to 200,000 miles and had a stylish exterior with large flakes of paint chipping off. My son was getting extremely upset as he did NOT want to get rid of the van we’ve had ever since he was born. This van was comfortable, safe and familiar.

Less than a week earlier he had ridden in the “new” van and was excited thinking it was the coolest thing in the world. How quickly we forget our positive experiences.

You would think we told him we were taking away his favorite toy because h was so attached to the car in this moment that he was tearing up and having quite a fit. As I reflected on that moment I saw a child who was tearfully expressing his fear and anxiety about what for him was a traumatic change.

When I observed this drama play out while my amazing wife compassionately listened to my son, a thought came to me. . . . . I am just like my son.

I want to accomplish something of significance in my life. This requires me to change and grow. In order to change and grow I have to leave what is comfortable and safe for something that is new and potentially much better. When it comes to this mindset it can be boiled down to two ways of viewing the world: abundance and scarcity.

Scarcity says that resources are limited and will run out eventually or there are only so many pieces to the pie. A person with this mindset can struggle to give away resources, ideas, credit, or even power. From a leadership perspective this can lead to micromanaging and possibly appearing egocentric.

On the other hand abundance mindset people are comfortable in their own skin and who they are. They do not believe resources are limited. They believe if they give eventually more will come and there is plenty for everybody.

So what does all this have to do with leadership? When we see change on the horizon are we afraid to leave what we know because we don’t think we could possibly end up in a better situation (scarcity thinking)? On the other hand do we see the change as an opportunity to gain more than what we left: more resources, experiences, etc.? As you look at leading at work and home today are you holding on to the past or looking expectantly to the future? Embrace the change, engage in new experiences, surround yourself with other people who will challenge you and grow.