Blog - Page 55 of 60 - Wheeler Coaching Systems

Aug

2017

Are you a Control Freak?

As a type A personality I confess I can be a real pain to other people. I often struggle with wanting control and I think that in having complete control I am leading well. The first problem with that thinking is I can only control so much therefore I limit my effectiveness. The second problem with that is I may think I am empowering others when I give them a project to work on, but in reality I am not.

“You are giving away control” you may say thinking that you are empowering. What happens after the project, job, task is handed off? This reveals the truth of whether I am a truly empowering leader. I once had a boss who did not understand the details of my daily work and expected me to do certain aspects in a particular way without taking time to understand what I do. This boss is an example of a micromanager.

When I hand off a task and then try to make sure the task is done exactly how I would do it . . . I am neither delegating nor empowering, but I am micromanaging and probably making that individual or team feel like they are chained down. On the other hand if I provide expectations and the end goal I want accomplished and check in on progress on a regular basis I am then macromanaging and empowering others. In his book The New Psycho-Cybernetics Dr. Maxwell Maltz states: “The micromanager often inhibits the growth and prosperity of the organization; the macromanager often liberates it.”

As a leader and person I want people to feel empowered to use their talents and abilities to lead and grow to their full potential. I need to be aware of my own insecurities, provide clear direction and see the reality that others can do many projects better than me. General George S. Patton put it this way: “Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.” (emphasis added)

Are you like me and you need to simply take a deep breath, relax, and trust the competent people around you? When we do this better we add value to others and are on our way to becoming leaders that others will want to follow.

Aug

2017

I AM STRESSED!

Stress! We all have it. Some is good and helps us be productive and move into action, but too much and we can hurt ourselves mentally and even physically.

Lately I have had a lot going on. Demands at home and work have been compounding. Part of the stress at home has been trying to move into a new house since our three boys seem to be outgrowing where we are. Any of you that have moved know how stressful this can be on top of the normal stresses of life.

When I am stressed I get quite grumpy. I try to control my world even tighter so when people are not doing what I want I get irritated and tend to raise my voice a bit. . . usually toward my children unfortunately. This is all rooted in me trying to eliminate and manage my stress. When I am using poor methods to deal with my stress I am also setting myself up to lead poorly at work and home. As I write this I know I can’t control others, but can only control myself.

During this stressful time I went to bed unsettled and woke up the next morning thinking about this topic. So below are a few ways we may handle stress. The first list has unhealthy ways we manage our stress. You may do some of these things and when I say it is unhealthy I mean no judgement, just a statement that these are not helpful specifically to our physical health. Some examples of unhealthy habits may be excessive drinking, substance abuse, physically hurting ourselves (such as cutting), and even eating disorders can be used because people feel they can control it.

These are a few extreme ways we may deal with stress and I am sure there are other negatively impacting stress coping mechanisms, but these came to mind as big ones. So what are some healthy ways to deal with stress?

Exercise – when not done to an excessive degree it can physiologically and psychologically benefit us even if the exercise is in bursts throughout the day. Maybe you get stressed at home and just drop on the floor to do pushups or sit-ups to help calm you down and burn the energy productively . . . I know weird, but helpful.
Quiet time – I understand if your stress is those in your home this may feel impossible. If you have a lock on your bathroom door though it can be done. Taking five minutes to hide away and be quiet and still can calm us physically and mentally. Maybe you meditate, pray, journal, sit quietly and think of nothing or whatever works for you to slow down and help you regain perspective.
Reading – do you have a special spiritual book you read or quotes that help you? Maybe the Bible is that book or some other book. It may be a fictional book that gives you time to escape into another world and when you are done you feel recharged.
Talking it out – maybe you have someone in your life you can call up who listens and helps you process that stress. If you have complex business or personal issues that you need someone to help you think into then maybe hiring a coach will help you by helping you process and grow in whatever is creating the stress.

So as I was stressed I realized that morning I felt much better . . . still stressed, but not overwhelmed . . . after I spent time reading and journaling and physically getting it out through my workout. I don’t know what works for you and you probably have ideas I did not list. What non-destructive stress reducing habit do you need to employ? Maybe you are at a point that you need a coach, if so contact me and we discuss a free thirty minute coaching session.

Post some of your stress reducing habits below so we can learn from one another and grow in this. Stress happens and as we learn how to deal with it in positive ways we will be able to lead better at work and home.

Aug

2017

Climbing and Leadership

I have three boys and before each son starts First grade I take them to a local climbing facility as a father/son rite of passage experience since officially starting elementary school can be a big deal. Recently I took my youngest to the local climbing facility. Since he had never climbed before he was a bit anxious when we started.

He steps up to the wall and tentatively climbs a few blocks high. He then asks me to bring him down and after a moment he begins climbing a little higher than before. At this point he wants down again and sets a new goal. He reaches his new goal, but fear strikes and he wants me to let him down. At this point, he is reluctant to climb further.

As he stalls and delays at the bottom I do my best to encourage him and let him know I believe he has what it takes to get there. During this time he starts asking about the rope and attempts to determine if it will hold him if he falls. To help his trust in the safety harness and me I have him climb up a little and let go with his hands. After a bit of time he seems to feel more confident and I tell him he cannot come down this time until he reaches the top.

He scurries up the first portion of the wall and I can see he wants to quit, but I challenge him that he can and is expected to get to the top. As he continues to climb I help him to see what he cannot see since he is in the middle of the experience. I give suggestions on places to put his feet or hand holds. Afterward we reflect on how this relates to his future experience in first grade and beyond. As I think about that experience I see a few leadership lessons through this experience.

Be brave – as we look at the goal we want to accomplish it may seem extremely overwhelming and impossible to accomplish. The bravest choice we may need to make is to take the first step
Persevere – when we are in the middle of the climb we get stuck and can’t see the next step. This is the point where we need to keep our eye on the goal and simply take the next step. Visit the next client, have that crucial conversation, do the work, etc.
Perspective – as my son became comfortable with the process he would occasionally check to make sure I still had him and then he would hang, rest, and try to figure out the path. At times as we lead the team, group, organization, family, or ourselves we need to push away from the activity and take in the bigger picture to figure out the next step to get where we need to go.
Trust – the biggest hurdle my son had to overcome in the beginning is trusting the rope would hold him and that I was doing my job to keep him safe. As we lead, a team will be involved and there must be mutual trust. This takes time, but similar to my son as the trust increased so did his ability to overcome more challenges and reach new heights.

These were just a few thoughts. What about you? What is the wall in front of you that you are struggling to climb? What is the first step you need to take? Do you need to simply take the first step and then pause to get clarity on the next step? Do you need a guide to ask questions to help you figure out how to keep reaching higher? Of these four areas which one will you take the next step to grow in today? Need help with your growth journey? Let me know here and we can climb together to help you lead your business, your organization, team or you personally.

Jul

2017

Plunging In

For much of my life I have been active and involved with athletes, sports, and strength training. Because of that people assume I would have no problem in certain environments such as water. Well . . . I don’t necessarily have a physical problem, as long as my feet are on the ground, but I do have a challenge between my ears. I have a bit of a fear of water. Basically I don’t like going under it and really do not enjoy the feeling of disorientation when I suddenly enter the water.

Fortunately for me my children do not have this problem. They each know how to swim, swim fairly well and love being in the water. Of course when we go to a water park they want to go everywhere and do everything. With three boys I get the honor of being with the older two while my wife enjoys rides or just watching our son on less intense experiences.

We start our adventure at the water park on this day by going to three enclosed tube water slides. Not only do I not particularly enjoy water rides, but enclosed water slides do not appeal at all. We walk up to the top of the stairs and it is our turn to enter the slides. Three slides exist. Each side slide twists and turns and goes a little slower. On the other hand, the one in the middle is a dark green tunnel of almost complete darkness where you drop off a ledge and fly from top to bottom in about three seconds. As I stand at the top with my sons they each want to go on the sides. That leaves me with the middle. I could stay safe and tell them I’ll walk down and meet them at the bottom. I could let them go and then go down one of the side slides. The problem with both of those options is I want to go with them and not just watch or feel like a wimp and not go at all. What will that example show them?

Ultimately I sit down in the water at the top of this plunge of death, cross my legs, put my hands behind my head and plummet to the pool of water at the bottom. After brief disorientation and trying not to look like a fool of a man as I finish I get up having survived and somewhat enjoying the experience, except for the scraped back. Right before my plunge I had a quick pep talk with myself saying “go for it” and “you got this.”

The tube slide may not resonate with you, but standing on the edge of a cliff about to jump backwards rappelling down a mountain would produce a similar, or greater, feeling. Sitting at the edge of this waterslide tube or on the edge of a cliff is the same feeling we all experience when we are about to take a risk into the unknown. We have a choice to make, be safe or be brave. We may choose safety and feel comfortable and life will be “easy,” but every day we may be pushing down that voice that wonders “what if” and what could have been. The other option is to step into the unknown and see where the adventure leads us.

What is that unknown? A new job. An entrepreneurial business venture. Getting married. Going back to school when we don’t know how we will afford it. Having a difficult conversation. Leaving a situation for the greater good. Volunteering to do something we have never done. The unknown could be many possibilities. The result of entering the unknown: adventure, growth, potential future opportunities, and possibly living out your true purpose.

I think the great thinker C.S. Lewis spoke to this topic quite well when he said: “We are . . . like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” Plunge into the unknown adventure and enjoy the ride!

Jul

2017

Leading or Lubricating Tires?

I have had the opportunity to work in a few organizations. While in these organizations the term “squeaky wheel leadership” has come up at times. I was curious about this concept and one day as I discussed it with a friend I had to ask myself: what causes this type of leadership?

Anywhere there are two or more people there is the potential for politics and jockeying for individual agendas. This is a reality of all organizations, for profit, non-profit, heck even in my own family (especially on movie night). People need to be heard and their input needs to be valued, but what causes only the whiny complainers to be the ones that somehow directly or indirectly drive leadership decisions?

For example, if I am a sport coach and I decide to change our off-season training from how we have done it for years there will be push back. Usually in this situation there are four types of people: early adapters, hesitant adapters, late adapters, and stubbornly resistant. The last two are usually the ones who will push back on the changes and often be very vocal. Now I can’t ignore them completely, but I have to continue to drive the change forward while trying to help the slow adapters understand the benefits. When I get the team to a point where the majority are supportive of the change to the point that the stubbornly resistant either participate or find a new team I know I have led well.

This is not how it always works though. I would suggest two reasons why we start lubricating the “squeaky wheels” instead of leading.

We are managing, not leading – a manager concerns themselves with systems, processes, and just keeping the process moving smoothly. These individuals are critical to overall organizational success. On the other hand a leader sees the bigger picture and knows where they are trying to go and can help others see the vision and participate. When they work with “squeaky tires,” they help them understand the bigger picture, not just keep them happy and therefore possibly prevent the overall vision from moving forward. The coach in the illustration above would talk to the late and stubborn individuals to help them see the big picture and encourage them to participate or move on. This takes courage.
Lack of Vision – imagine playing archery and not having a clearly defined target. How will you know if you are having success? Maybe just by letting others define it for you or base it on what feels right at the moment. This would be a frustrating game of archery. When you have a target, you can see what you are aiming at and how close you are to success. This is vision. If a leader fails to have a clear vision they will not know how much attention the “squeaky wheel” needs to receive. It may be a minor nuisance that will not impact the bigger picture or it could become a large roadblock to accomplishing the overall goal. A leader will only be able to discern the amount of attention it needs by having a clear vision in his or her mind.

So do you lead or manage? Are you spending your day primarily putting out fires or strategically moving the team/organization forward? Do you have a clear vision? How can you grow in this area? Keep leading and growing every day and hold your vision.

Jul

2017

From Can I? to How Can I?

I don’t know about you, but often in my leadership journey at both work and home I struggle with my own self-doubt and what are called limiting beliefs. I get caught in the comparison game and look at others’ “highlight reel” and fail to realize that is not the entire story.

Think of an earthquake. A subtle shift between two plates creates huge waves of cataclysmic proportions that can create massive destruction. Here is the subtle shift I need to regularly make and maybe you do too. Change the question from “can I?” which is full of self-doubt and beliefs that limit us from reaching our full potential to “how can I?”

One word makes all the difference. Often this word “how” can limit us from stepping out to try something new, but in this case it encourages us to move into action. These three words assume there is a way to achieve the dream we are pursuing and we just have to find the map to get there. This will be challenging though.

John Maxwell in his book The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth states: “Can I? is a question filled with hesitation and doubt . . . How can I? assumes there is a way. You just need to find it.” So how do we find it? Here are a few ideas.

Act – if we stay stuck worrying about whether or not we can do something the only action we will take is exhausting ourselves with worry. An idea comes to mind as a next step to get you to your goal. Take the step.
Think – sometimes we ask can I? because it enables us to not have to think into the answer that how can I? requires of us. In order to figure out the how, we must take time to think . . . creatively and for those of us with a bias toward action thinking feels like we are not being productive.
Discern – when we have appropriate self-awareness we are able to see the reasons behind our hesitation or doubt when we pursue accomplishing our vision. For example are we afraid to start because of a fear of failure or even a fear of success? Is our hesitation because we look at what we have done in the past and allow that to determine what we will do in the future? As we discern our limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering beliefs we will move from Can I? to How Can I? and eventually to I Did!

I have not mastered this in any way. If you are like me then the principles above and following questions will help you break through your barriers to accomplishing what you desire. What is holding you back? What is the big dream you are hesitating to pursue because you don’t know if you can do it? What limiting beliefs are you accepting that hold you back? Are you taking time to think into possible solutions to move you forward? Are you taking action that will move you a step closer to your goal? In the words of the infamous NIKE slogan . . . . just do it . . . now.