Blog - Page 56 of 60 - Wheeler Coaching Systems

Jul

2017

Leadership Lessons from the ER

A number of years ago I was having sharp pains all over my abdominal area. I dealt with them for over a month. I even went to the ER one night only to get a pat on the back and reassurance I would be OK. One particular evening I had gone out to a very nice steak dinner with my parents and family to celebrate my birthday.

After putting the kids to bed my wife and I finished our dessert from the meal and soon after went to bed. At about 11:30 PM I woke up and the pain was different. I just knew something was going on. I told my wife she had to find someone to watch the kids and that I needed to go to the ER.

Now I can tolerate pain . . . for the most part. This evening when we got to the ER all I wanted is them to give me something to stop the pain. It was excruciating and I had just seen my entire dinner again if you know what I mean.

The next ten days are a fog. During the first five I was so medicated I barely remember people coming in and out of the hospital to visit. I remember a point during my stay where I felt like I was suffocating and had to be put on oxygen while having a tube down my throat. I cannot imagine what my family was feeling because I barely knew where I was. Finally, after numerous tests, the day after my birthday the doctors opened me up to remove a large section of my obstructed small intestine.

After my ten days in the hospital I now weighed 22 pounds less than when I entered, actually less than when I was a freshman in high school. I was gaunt and felt like I was 80 years old. I felt like I was climbing a mountain just to walk down the street five houses in beautiful Spring weather. The recovery was slow, but now years later I have memories and a large scar to remind me of the experience.

What does this have to do with leadership?

Even in great adversity I had to lead myself – I was in the middle of completing my Masters and in spite of my situation I had to be disciplined to complete work to keep me moving forward. (I know … I am a little too “Type A”) As a leader we want to shut down and give up during the adversity, but the hardest person we have to lead is ourselves and keep taking one step at a time.
No matter how painful the problem, you have to find a solution – I was dealing with this issue for over a month and I tried to ignore it, but obviously I had to deal with the issue. In leadership there may be an obstacle or challenge we want to avoid, but if the problem is important enough no matter how hard we try, we will have to solve it.
Growth takes time – It took me at least a year to get close to where I was physically before the surgery. I was frustrated and I am impatient, but over time I got back. Leaders tend to want results yesterday, but as with our bodies physically it takes time to grow whether that is developing other leaders, an organization, or something else. We need to continually take patient action.

What about you? What leadership challenge are you facing at work or home that if you do not face it head on it will become an emergency? Do you need someone to coach you through the process and hold you accountable? Click Here if you want to learn about the coaching process.

If you found this helpful share it with others or share your thoughts below. Remember pain is temporary and growth is a process. You can do it!

Jul

2017

Founder’s Leadership

July 4^th 1776 a handful of men came together to found the nation we now know as the United States of America. I have the privilege of living in a country where we are free to speak our mind and start an organization with limited challenges. I live in a country where people can coexist and many times cooperate with different perspectives on life and function peacefully. I am thankful for the many people who have fought so we can experience these freedoms and more that we have today.

As I think of that period of time in American history three key leadership principles come to my awareness which we can learn from the founders of the United States of America. Before starting if you really want to explore this topic years ago I read a book by Donald Phillips (which I somehow lost) called The Founding Fathers on Leadership which will take you much deeper into the lives of these men and draws out many more leadership principles.

Leadership – First and foremost these men were leaders. If at the core a leader is an influencer then these men exemplified that. Not only were they able to organize resistance to stand against a powerful nation to fight for their freedom, but they had the skills to create the foundational principles America is founded on. They knew if they worked as a team using each of their leadership strengths, then they would lead even better than trying to accomplish the goal independently.

Courage – These men had to know what they were about to embark on was not going to be easy. In fact they must have known they were putting their lives on the line and were asking many others to do the same. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to take action amidst the fear. They were stepping into the unknown. All they had was a vision . . . freedom. These individuals and those who followed them had the courage to continue to take the next step even amidst the possibility of great loss, failure, and even death. No matter the vision, courage is required of any leader and these men exemplified that courage.

Communication – Any leader understands communication is critical for success. I don’t know about you, but some of my greatest challenges at home come from miscommunication, poor communication, or simply a lack of it. The ability to express your thoughts in a clear and concise manner that others understand is what I mean by communication. I attempt to communicate through these posts (sometimes clear and concise and sometimes not . . . still growing). These leaders had the leadership challenge of communicating America’s foundational principles clearly and in a manner that would make sense for many generations. That was one method, surely they had to communicate to one another in a manner that was clearly moving plans forward.

You are a leader because you have influence and it takes courage to lead at work and at home. How well do you communicate? Do you need to grow in your communication? Join me and others on July 13^th for a FREE experience of the Maxwell Speaker’s Club. This will be a safe place to grow your communication skills that will help you grow as a leader. Click here for more details and to register.

Be the great leader you are. Lead courageously and communicate in a manner that helps advance your cause.

Jun

2017

Reflections on Leadership from El Salvador

A couple weeks ago I had the opportunity to spend time with my oldest son at an orphanage in El Salvador. After spending a week serving these young children and trying to demonstrate unconditional love I want to take a moment to reflect on what this experience taught me about leadership.

Leadership is being present. Each of these young children has their own specific home they live in with other children of similar age. In order to care for these children they have “Tias” who take care of them. As I think of each of these women I think of women who are tirelessly serving these children as parents. The most challenging part for them must be the act of being present not only physically, but emotionally in order to provide for them emotionally, physically, spiritually and in every other manner. As a parent or leader of an organization we can go through the motions or we can be present and intentionally engage with those we lead.

Leadership is being understanding. These young men and women come from very challenging environments which could serve as an excuse for bad behavior. In this environment there are expected standards to follow in order to stay at the home, but the leaders understand the situations they came from are less than ideal. For example, one young man had been living homeless on the street for seven years . . . and he is now only about 13. A leader will hold others to high standards, but also be understanding of where those who follow them are coming from.

Leaders persevere. The director of this organization has a tough job. She has to find the right people to take care of these children as well as decide who the appropriate children are to bring in the facility. People quit, children make bad choices and have to be asked to leave and the overwhelming burden of each of child’s story can weigh this individual down. When as a leader she sees the importance and significance of what she is trying to accomplish this helps her persevere through the many trials and tribulations. Do I have a big enough vision for what I am leading that I will persevere?

Leaders care. I did not get to know each child’s story, but the directors do and I am sure the “Tias” also know many of their stories as well. This knowledge must be a part of showing unconditional care for those they lead. Although these children came from difficult circumstances, I know they are well cared for from those who lead the organization and in each of their homes.

Being a leader is easier when you can see the return on your time, but when you don’t it requires even more caring, understanding, perseverance, and presence. Not only did I meet some wonderful young men and women who are in an environment where they can overcome their past, but I met some heroic leaders. Every day I need to hold a vision of living past the temporary and leading for what will outlast me. I hope you can do the same.

Jun

2017

How a Father Leads

I have the privilege of being the father of three young boys. This privilege is quite overwhelming at times. For example, I just returned from an overseas serving experience with my oldest son. My biggest fear was not health issues or safety, but me ruining the experience for my son.

Unfortunately I tend to be very impatient. It most likely comes from my control freak issues and my driven personality. . . not a great combination. With that being said going into this experience I was concerned I would frustrate my child with putting unrealistic expectations on him. I had a small victory and during our seven day experience I did not “lose it” on him . . . too much. What helped more than anything else was having other members of the team to help him when he needed something mom provides better than me such as compassion.

As this Father’s Day ends I reflect on what a man needs to do to lead well in his family. Before saying anything else I must admit much of my thinking has been influenced by a book by Stu Weber called Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart and the influential thoughts of a man named Robert Lewis.

Lewis defines a man as one who:

Rejects being passive.

Accepts Responsibility.

Lives Courageously.

Expects the greater reward. This is the reward that will come later in life or beyond and not immediately.

As I look at that definition I am overwhelmed by the reality that I should seek to be an example of that kind of man. I mess up A LOT and fail to live up to that standard. I am responsible for appropriately disciplining my children, but at times I hear myself saying “I am too tired.” I have to buck up and lovingly discipline or simply listen actively when my child has something to say. Both require rejecting passivity.

I am a model to my children on how to love my wife well. I fail at that A LOT too. One way I need to lead courageously is by modeling healthy conversations with my spouse. Conflict is normal in a marriage, but I need to listen and part of me is a chicken and wants to run away. I need to model courage by staying and listening instead of just trying to prove my point.

One of the four pillars Weber discusses in his book is the need for a man to be a king. In any building, if a pillar leans too far to the left or right it will not be a strong support. As men we can easily lean to the side of being too passive or too overbearing. Weber calls us to strive to live in the middle as a shepherd-king. This requires awareness and humility to accept feedback when we are “leaning” too far to one side. I personally tend to lean too far to the domineering side, but fortunately people close to me will let me know to help put me back in place.

For some of you reading this the father idea is very frustrating to say the least. Maybe you don’t know your dad, maybe your child’s dad is not around, maybe you feel you can’t be a man like Lewis defined or you can’t find a man striving to live close to the example Weber states. First, your past does not define your future. Men, you can take the initiative and grow into the man you desire to become. It takes time and effort, but is possible. Women, if there is no man around for your children, may I encourage you to seek out those role models for them which may be coaches, youth leaders, neighbors or who knows, but they do exist. I hope those of you who have struggled with your own dad can forgive him and remember we only have one dad. Let him know how much you love him before you can’t.

Next time I will fill you in on what I learned about leadership from my international experience. Lead well at home and work until then and share this with anyone you may think it would add value to.

P.S. Any dads who want to learn more about growing in your leadership at home and work send me an email at randy@wheelercoachingsystems.com

Jun

2017

Puzzling Problems

I was on a brief family trip and we went to my sister-in-law’s house. My children had a blast with their cousins and we sat outside enjoying the weather and talking as adults. As the day wound down we needed to leave and head home so I could get to a meeting.

My middle child loves puzzles and he was close to done with a puzzle he had been working on with his cousin. He really wanted to complete the puzzle before we left. Part of me wanted to say “no” and get us on the road back home, but instead my wife and I joined forces with my son and helped complete the puzzle.

We could have pulled him away and then had a very frustrated child on our hands or we could have sat and impatiently watched him attempt to complete it. Instead we solved both our problems by working together. As we all tried and failed and tried and failed and eventually tried and succeeded we accomplished the result as a team in less time than it would have taken for one individual. Mom and dad got out of the house quickly and my son enjoyed the satisfaction of accomplishing his goal.

Often I think it would be easier for me to solve my problems alone. Sometimes this is true, but I do not have the benefit of learning from others in the process. As a leader many problems come your way, do you try to solve all of them alone or do you involve others in the process? When we solve our problems with others we can look at the problem from multiple angles and try multiple strategies similar to putting together a puzzle. If we include a team of people they create a mastermind. They put their minds with our mind and create a huge group of thinkers who can help look at the situation from multiple perspectives.

Next time you have a puzzling problem maybe these concepts will be helpful:

Determine is this a problem – something I can change
Determine if this is a predicament – something I just need to adjust my attitude on and accept
If this is a problem, are there people you can bring together to create a mastermind to help solve this problem?
Maybe the problem ultimately requires you to grow as a leader and you need others to help you along in your growth journey

Next time you are feeling puzzled by a work or home leadership challenge create a team or invite another individual to coach you through the process on how to solve this challenge. Work with a team to help you fulfill your dream. Oh, by the way, you may find that you don’t have a complete answer to the problem like we did when we found a piece missing . . . but that is a story for another time.

May

2017

Decision Making Part II

Last post I talked about how author Henry Thompson provided definitions for two types of decisions we make: intuitive and rational. Our mind is still engaged in the decision-making process during an intuitive decision, but it goes through the process much quicker. Sometimes we have more time to process and get to the best decision.

The author uses the landing of US Airways Flight 1549 in the Hudson River as an illustration of this model to show that even in a high stress situation rational thought can be involved. There is a need to engage both the mind and the emotions during the process of a high stress decision making opportunity. Thompson describes these steps in his book The Stress Effect: Why Smart Leaders Make Dumb Decisions–And What to Do About It:

Stimulus – This is something either outside (birds have hit the plane, our sales have dropped) or inside the leader such as a thought about a situation (our team seems not to be functioning in a healthy manner).
Perception – This is when you become more aware of the stimulus (“Oh no, birds just hit our plane”) or the leader sees some unhealthy communication among team members and more clearly perceives the problem. This is no longer intuition, but instead it becomes reality.
Appraisal – This is the stage that engages both the mind and the emotions. In this stage the leader has to manage the emotions in such a manner that he or she can think logically about how to work through the situation. For example: The birds hit the plane and Captain Sullenberger consciously decided he needed to focus on flying the plane and not allow the emotion of fear to take over.
Motivation – This provides the energy that leads to action. The plane has lost thrust in both engines and is going down or the team has begun fighting over minor issues and productivity has dropped which has led to the decline in sales.
Action – This is what someone does because of the processing of the above steps. Captain Sollenberger states “We’re Gonna Brace” or as the leader of a team you say “we need to get together and discuss these issues immediately.”

Stimulus. Flight. Freeze. Cognitive. Perception. Appraisal. Motivation. Action. Emotional. Fight. Tend & befriend. Adapt. Perception-Appraisal-Motivation-Action (PAMA) Model. Thompson, H.L., 2005.

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If you have read this far you may be thinking “this theory is all good, but what does it mean for me?” Thompson found that both cognitive and emotional intelligence determine the success of decisions under stress. When you are under stress are you able to control your emotions enough to engage the rational side of your brain to assess the situation and choose a logical action as discussed above? If not, what practices can you implement to manage your emotions better to make effective decisions? Are you able to use your cognitive intelligence to assess a situation and solve complex problems? If that is a struggle what ways could you improve that skill in calm situations?

Stress happens to us all. I hope this has helped provide some clarity on how to work through complex problems in a simple manner. If you found this helpful, please share it with others and comment on strategies you implement to make effective decisions under stress. What helps you stay calm under stress and not allow your emotions to hijack your brain? Take five minutes to reflect on these questions to help you grow as a leader today.