“If you want to succeed, don’t let any single incident color your view of yourself.”
John C. Maxwell
Confession: I am a recovering perfectionist. Is there a blood type of “p+” for extra perfectionist? If so that is mine because of my constant fight against the fear of failure.
Because of my perfectionism, I may resist taking a risk because I want to know all the facts first. Because of my personality and a previous experience, launching full-time into my leadership development business required a lot of thought until ultimately my wife and life gave me a push.
The struggle with perfectionism has improved since encountering one of John Maxwell’s lesser known books: Failing Forward. This book transformed my thinking on failure. Growing up, being accurate and careful were important. We were allowed to fail, but I struggled with taking failure personally.
John provides a path to redefine and reposition how we see failure. Many great principles impacted me, but I think this statement was one of the most powerful:
Take Responsibility, but Don’t Make it Personal
“To keep the right perspective, take responsibility for your actions, but don’t take failure personally.”
A little before Fall of 2008 myself and a friend partnered in a business venture owning a small women’s only health club. We were very fortunate to find an excellent manager who treated the club as her own.
We both had full time jobs and functioned as silent owners which eventually contributed to the downfall of the business. Approximately seven years later after limping along and only breaking even year after year we shut the doors.
After reflecting on the experience, we could have led better and been more active in the sales and marketing of the organization. Our poor leadership in this impacted the failure of the business. The experience tempted me to never take a similar risk again, but this was not an option.
As John said, we needed to take responsibility for our actions. We did and took care of our former members, but I did not take the failure personally. Quickly my realization was we failed at doing our part, but that did not mean l am personally a failure. Since that time, I continue to reflect and learn from the experience.
Failing Does Not Make Me a Failure
In chapter three John discusses the question “if you’ve failed, are you a failure?” This chapter helped shift my thinking. He explains that achievers see failures as isolated incidents and have realistic expectations. My perspective shifted by accepting that failing, such as closing the business, does not mean I am a failure and if a project or program isn’t 100% perfect does not mean it is a failure.
This shift in thinking started a growth process in me that impacted those I led in a positive way. Internally I began to allow myself room to make mistakes because that is the path to learning and growth. Because I began extending this grace to myself it spilled over onto those I led. I still have high standards, but I’m looking for their best effort or excellence not perfection.
These shifts and adjustments have helped me be a more patient leader professionally and at home. I still battle the perfection monster, but I am learning not to take a failure personally, rather as an opportunity to grow.
What about you? Are you a recovering perfectionist who takes failures personally or has unrealistic expectations? How is that impacting those you lead personally or professionally? What is one mindset shift you can make today to help you lead yourself and others in a way that allows room for mistakes? Write it down and take the first step. Lead Well.
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