Getting Out of the Pit

I had just left the meeting.

It went horribly!

Maybe you know the type. The kind where you feel like you just crashed and burned and then blew up at the end. It was an utter, dismal failure. To such a point that I was ready to quit.

The thoughts were running through my head, such as “you can never be good at this.” Or “I will never succeed.” Those were just a couple of the thoughts as I mentally threw haymakers at myself.

Recently I was reading the book Boundaries for Leaders, and I learned about Martin Seligman’s three “P’s.” As I reflect on that situation I realize I was taking myself down the pit these three P’s lead us to.

Allow me to explain the three P’s and suggest a way to lead ourselves better to prevent allowing them to take us into the pit of despair.

Personal

In my situation, I was taking the result and assuming that it was my fault that I would not succeed. We need to assume responsibility for our actions, but that is all. We can’t assume responsibility for the actions or responses of others. When we slip down the slope of personalizing the situation we say to ourselves that we are bad. We make the negative result all about us. Nothing is 100% about us.

Pervasive

As I slid further down the pit I thought that not only was this one situation bad, but so were all sorts of other things. When we slide here we allow ourselves to get into a negative mindset seeing the bad in all situations. This can be shifted, but I will get to that in just a moment.

Permanent

This is the point where I got and sent a text to my mentor and coach “I’m ready to quit.” This was when I thought it would never get better. This will always be this bad. Why should I even try? We have hit the bottom of the pit at this point and need to find a way to dig out.

How do we dig out?

People

Just like I sent that text when we feel ourselves sliding into the pit we need people we can reach out to. These would be people in our inner circle who help us and will graciously speak truth into our lives.

Positive

A slight shift could have helped me not go deeper as I slid into the pervasive mode. Focusing on the things that have gone well in the past. What we focus on expands. If we focus in a negative moment on all the negative . . . that is all we will see. On the other hand, if we find positive in these negative moments and continue to focus on that we prevent our slide.

Perspective

Cloud describes an exercise where you draw a line down the middle of a page. On one side write down all that you can’t control. Chances are this is a lot of the negative. After you have finished that list put an X through it and stop focusing on it.

On the other side of the paper write down all that you can control. This exercise helps us regain perspective and reframe our mind on the positive in a practical way.

We are the most difficult people to lead. I hope this serves as a tool to help you lead yourself more effectively to improve your mindset and results. Want to dive deeper into winning the mental battle? Check out this resource to help you continue to grow in this area. Lead Well.