I’ve been doing a three part series on leadership and how it relates to themes we hear during the Holiday season. This last one may strike you as odd because in many organizational cultures it seems like a “soft” word.
Love.
How does love play out in our leadership of others. Let’s be honest the people we work with aren’t our family and sometimes we have a hard time loving our family. Quite frankly some people we work with flat out annoy us! Allow me to look at multiple Greek words for love and explore how or if they are applicable for leaders.
Xenia
This word for love means “hospitality.” I have walked in the office of leaders and their back is to me. Their desk seems like a fortress and their office feels kind of cold. You may be a person that could care less about all of that, but it can have unintended consequences. Maybe people are intimidated to come in and ask a question because you are always busy even though you say you have an “open door” policy. The environment speaks differently. Create an open and inviting environment where people feel welcome to enter your office when the door is open. Hospitality invites relationship and leadership is all about relationships.
Philautia
This word means “self-love.” I don’t think I have to say a lot about this one. We all have met the leader who is FULL of this kind of love. This love does not serve our teams. This kind of love is healthy when it leads to a proper self-image and confidence. We get out of hand if as the leader we are consumed ourselves and satisfying personal agendas.
As a leader you want your people to have confidence and a healthy self-image, but beware of this kind of love turning into self-serving egotism.
Storge
This word refers to the type of love and affection especially between parents and children. If you lead a family business the application can be clearer, but what about everyone else. Maybe the best example of this type of love from a leader would be in reverse mentoring.
Reverse mentoring is when older generations learn from the younger generations. For example, maybe instead of thinking the new twenty-somethings don’t know anything have a humble posture and learn from them about new technology or other trends you may not be aware of. On the other hand when you come alongside an individual new to the organization and demonstrate paternal care to make them feel welcome and supported you demonstrate this type of love.
Philia
This word means a “brotherly love.” We aren’t going to be best friends with those we lead nor should we. Let’s explore this a little bit though. If you have a sibling you may be very loyal to him or her. You are allowed to pick on your younger sibling, but if anyone else messes with him or her. . . . you are ready for a fight! What could this look like in your leadership.
If this type of love is present in your organization people will feel like they are part of a family. I know an organization where people work very hard, long hours, and have candid conversations. Those traits would all be present in many families. They also have fun with one another and will care for one another. As a leader if you live this love it creates a family culture in your organization or on your team.
Agape
Of all the definitions this is the most difficult to embody as a leader. One definition of this in the Greek is “love-feasts.” Another way I have often heard this defined is unconditional love. Like I said, there are some people we work with or alongside that we may not get along with well at all. Our personalities clash, our leadership styles clash, or many other things. As a leader when we demonstrate agape love people feel safe.
Agape love is not a love that does not speak truth. This is a love that sees the truth and still accepts you. As a leader when your team members fail do they feel safe to tell you or are they worried they will be chewed out? There is so much more to this word which Joel Mamby former CEO of Sea World and Saab dives into in his book Love Works. Our simple takeaway is do people feel safe in your leadership even when experiencing a difficult conversation? If people feel safe even when the professional relationship ends then you are leading with agape love.
As you look at these definitions of love, what is one shift you can make to love better as a leader? Need help thinking into this? Contact me for a one-on-one coaching session to help you think into how you can grow in this to improve your performance and that of your team. Lead Well!
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