Since this past weekend was Valentines and some of you men reading this m
ay be in the dog house because you forgot or didn’t do enough or . . . . I thought I’d reflect on how love could be relevant in our leadership.
Stick with me a minute and if you really want to go deep into this author Gary Chapman wrote about The Five Languages of Appreciation. I’m not going into that here. As I thought of this idea three words came to mind on how we demonstrate love and appreciation at work.
Patience
I thought I’d start with the most challenging one, at least for me. This impatience is visible in how I hate repeating myself. Leaders must repeat themselves though. I once heard a leader say “vision leaks.” By the nature of being the leader, we often are the most excited about where we are going. We constantly think about this vision and then we get in front of our team and they seem to forget!
This is vision leaking. If the team is performing well that demonstrates they care, but they are caught up in their tasks. This can try our patience because everyone gets off course and needs redirection. We may even question whether we are leading adults or immature children from time to time. Be patient and trust they are still on board with the vision. Who did you and I thrive under the most? A demanding and overbearing leader or a patient one?
Not Easily Angered
Tensions rise as conflict occurs in the meeting. You start to feel the heat creep up your neck and are ready to blow, but instead you say “let’s take a five minute break.” Conflict should occur in meetings in a healthy way, but at times that conflict can get out of control and turn into posturing and politicking. What do we do?
First, identify if our anger is because we must BE right. As the leader if we have to always be right instead of seeking what is right or best for all . . . anger is not far behind. Put the team in front of our ego. Second, have a clear plan. What is the purpose of this meeting and what are the objectives? Clarity will help create healthy expectations and reduce the possibility of unhealthy anger arising.
Tough
Ok, the first two were calming now I’m saying “tough”? Sometimes love must be tough. I’ve had patient leaders, but they were also willing to be firm and honest. Tough love is the ability to speak the truth with candor and care. In their book Crucial Conversations Patterson, Grenny, et. al. put it well:
“To succeed in crucial conversations, we must really care about the interest of others – not just our own.”
When we are demonstrating tough love we have the crucial conversation about something the other person needs to hear. We may not want to discuss it, but for their benefit and the sake of the team discuss it with honesty and care.
When you look at these three areas which do you need to grow in? Over the next three weeks focus on one area and adjust how you communicate and lead with a focus on that area. Let me know how it goes. If you want someone to come alongside you to help you or your team grow in your leadership contact me and let’s discover how I may serve you. Lead Well.
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