Those of you that are parents, have you ever done something foolish with your child? I’m talking about the kind of thing where you acted like a child instead being the adult. Not being silly and having fun with your five year old, but a dumb choice.
One day my son came downstairs and instead of being a mature adult I acted like a teenager. In the grand scheme of things it was nothing really big, but it was quite childish for someone of my age. Here was the problem, I laughed after I did it and he was not joining in the laughing.
Basically I acted like a bully in my behavior toward my son. I know, I am a horrible dad. His younger two brothers thought it was funny, but the son I did this to was deeply hurt. That is really when I realized I messed up badly.
The next moments were critical, what would I do? Would I say something like “toughen up and quit being a sissy, I was just messing around with you” or respond totally different.
I went up to his room since it was around bedtime that this happened and I said that I noticed what I did really bothered him. As I lay beside him in bed I first confessed that what I did was immature and childish. The act was not the main problem, my laughing was what really hurt him . . . deeply.
When I realized that, I knew I had to really humble myself. At that point in the conversation I was struck with how deep this wound could go. I did not want to be the source of an unintentional wound deep in my son’s heart. I said “son, I really messed up and what I did was childish. Please forgive me for doing that and for laughing about it.”
Fortunately he extended forgiveness to me and I think it reconciled the situation. Of course I want my child to be tough and be able to handle the mean people and problems of the world, BUT I should not be the one bringing those problems into his life. My wife and I should be sources of stability and calm in our home not unnecessary problems.
If I am to lead well at home then I must have the humility to admit when I mess up and the willingness to ask for forgiveness. This requires both self-awareness of my actions and other-awareness of those I love and how they respond when I react or act. The most important part of this experience is that I learn from it and do not repeat the same mistake. I am sure I will fail many times more as a Dad, but hopefully I will not have the same failure twice.
What about you? How have you learned how to lead better at home through your mistakes with your family? Feel free to share (it will encourage me to know I am not the only one making foolish mistakesJ). Keep learning and keep leading.
