BLAME Archives - Wheeler Coaching Systems

Recently I was facilitating a training where we were playing The Leadership Game Sales Edition. During our time people would come up to roll the die and pick a card. After reading the card to the group they had to answer a question.

One question highlighted the idea that fear plays a major factor in success. Multiple fears were highlighted, but I want to address the one that may trip many of us up. This fear can consciously or unconsciously trip us up to the point of paralysis. The fear of failure.

Where does it come from?

We all can agree that we fail. This is a part of life. What creates this fear? I will suggest a few factors that create this fear.

Our identity is wrapped up in not failing. We want to do things right and then if we fail we think WE ARE a failure.
The environment we perform in. Maybe we work in a culture that shames people when they fail instead of encouraging learning and growth.
As a recovering perfectionist myself I recognize my fear of failure can often be rooted in thinking that anything other than perfect is bad.

How do you respond?

In his book Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn, leadership expert John Maxwell provides four ways that we may respond to failure. I encourage you to look at these responses and ask yourself which one do you tend to naturally lean toward?

Blow up – get angry, blame, rationalize, compensate, or be resentful
Cover up – hide our mistakes and possibly make excuses
Back up – withdraw in hopes no one will discover our mistake
Give up – quit and never address the mistake

Maybe one of these jumped out at you. The next question is how can you best neutralize this unhealthy response? Let’s look at some ideas in the last section.

What can help you respond better?

Maybe you have young children, or you remember falling off your bike when you learned how to ride a back. When my kids were learning how to ride a bike eventually they would fall. Now I had a choice as a parent:

Run and make a big deal about their fall like it was the end of the world.

Encourage them that they are ok and need to get up.

We have that same choice every time we fail. Will we lay on the ground and pout and stay stuck or will be bounce up and grow? Bouncing is getting up and trying again quickly. At times bouncing is pausing to evaluate what went wrong, learn from it and try again. Sometimes bouncing is not making the same choice and going down a different path. If we hit a tree when riding our bike we will take a new path.

How do you need to shift your response to failure? Have you had a recent failure that has you stuck? Need help getting unstuck? Go here for a no cost thirty-minute thinking partner session to help you start getting unstuck. In the meantime when you fail, bounce up, learn and keep growing. Lead well.