COMMUNICATION

Feb

2022

Building Championship Teams

When I was in the sports performance industry, I came across an author who has great experience developing teams. In his book Championship Team Building performance coach and author Jeff Janssen describes seven characteristics of championship teams. He has helped build them in multiple NCAA sports.

I’m not going to highlight all of them as you can invest in his book yourself, but I will highlight a few that are common to all teams whether in sports or elsewhere.

Common Goal

As the leader you can have a vision or large team goal. Until that vision becomes something shared and committed to by everyone results will be limited. The first leadership challenge is they have the goal in mind, but the team may be slow to buy in. Let me suggest a way to improve buy in.

Take time to meet with your team and get feedback on what is important to them. Have them provide input as to what success looks like beyond just improving the bottom line. Bring together key influencers (who may not be in positions of leadership) to determine the steps to achieve the common goal. The more influencers involved in the process, the greater the buy in. Regardless of his personal challenges this thought by Rick Pitino is a great summary to this idea:

“Create significance for the group, whether it is an organization, a team, or a company . . . Each member must feel he or she is part of something important, and not just putting in time.”

Having team members actively contributing to the goal setting conversation will increase the sense of being a part of something important.

Clear Communication

“You can only succeed when people are communicating, not just from the top down but in complete interchange.”

Bill Walsh

I don’t have the time to go into all the depths of communication. I provide workshops on various elements of how to communicate and connect better. The key with this principle for teams is to communicate. I would take this a step further to suggest we OVERCOMMUNICATE. Within any organization communication and productivity correlate. If we communicate more than expected we will keep the vision and goals top of mind and keep everyone moving forward. Three of the ten tips Janssen gives on sending messages are:

Be consistent – a leader’s message may be stated different ways, but the expectations and goals behind them are consistent.
Be focused – stick to one message to prevent confusion
Be redundant – vision leaks so say it multiple times in multiple ways

Constructive Conflict

“Happiness is not the absence of conflict but the ability to deal with it effectively.”

Anonymous

Entire books have been written on this topic so we will only scratch the surface here. Healthy teams have conflict. Alan Mullaly former CEO of Ford during the 2008 economic crises created a system for conflict where everyone was expected to grade their department. If everyone was giving their area green (for all good) he knew they were not being honest. Without conflict we cannot address problems. Janssen provides some excellent tips on our attitude when handling conflict. Here are a few I will highlight:

Confront in a spirit of helping – create an environment where everyone is learning
Attack the problem, not the person – pause to be sure you have the real issue and are not making the individual feel they are the problem
Keep control of your emotions – this may be the most challenging one, especially when the issue is important, but maintain objectivity so you can find the best solution for everyone

These were just a few of his tips on building championship teams. Which one of these areas do you need to develop? Take a minute and write down one action step you will take so you can develop a healthier and more productive team. Need help thinking into this? Contact me for a no cost thinking partner session. Lead Well.

Jul

2021

Leadership Perception vs. Reality

In one of my early jobs one boss shared the thought: “perception is reality.” I was really annoyed by that statement. I figured it didn’t matter what people perceived about who I was because I know who I really am and my character.

Character is absolutely more important than reputation which is an overflow of how people perceive us. Something I read recently caused me to think more into this idea of perception. While reading Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen I came across the following statement:

“We judge ourselves by our intentions, while others judge us by our impacts.”

Intentions

Let’s say you are at work, and you see someone struggling to communicate their thoughts in a meeting. You want to help so you jump in and add to the conversation or give advice later on how to present more effectively. Your desire is to help them grow, develop, and succeed so you jump in or provide feedback. That intention is an overflow of your character.

This is your perspective.

Impact

You see this co-worker the next day and he is avoiding you. At one point you are together alone and can feel the tension. Since you care about the relationship and are completely confused as to what is going on, you ask:

“Hey Jim, what’s wrong?”

Silence

“Did I do something because it seems you are really frustrated?”

“Well, since you asked . . . “ Jim at this point strongly unleashes feedback as to how he did not want any advice and felt like he looked incompetent when you jumped in during the meeting.

You stand in shock while experiencing the impact of your actions even though they had pure intentions. They were perceived as overstepping your bounds.

Put on Different Shoes

I remember reading in the classic book To Kill A Mockingbird a conversation between two primary characters encouraging the value of putting themself in another person’s shoes. I must continually pause and ask myself before I speak or act: how will this impact the other person? This is especially important if we are in a position of power over another person. What may seem like a trivial statement to you as the leader may impact in a deeper way.

What does all this mean? We need to pause long enough to consider how what we are going to say could be perceived by the other person?

I would suggest two ideas. First, authenticity and appropriate transparency will decrease the probability of a mismatch between intention and impact. The more people know us as leaders the greater probability of understanding our intention and our words or actions having the intended impact. Second, take a moment to read the e-mail before you press send or think about how what you are about to say needs to be delivered. Not just the words, but also the tone of voice and your body language.

I guess my boss was kind of right at least that perception does influence reality in the mind of the listener or watcher.

Do you need help in how you communicate with those you lead? If so, let’s connect and maybe a Maxwell Communication Impact Report and debrief would be a great first step for you. Click here to set up a discovery call so I can help you grow your impact as a leader in this area. Lead Well!

Jul

2021

Communicating with Candor and Care

Recently I was involved in a couple difficult conversations. Actually, I was on the receiving end.

If you’ve had that experience and truth was spoken, then you know the internal processing that can occur afterwards. As I was reflecting how I need to learn and grow from each conversation I realized I haven’t always handled difficult conversations well with others.

I don’t have the time to go in depth on this idea. Not too long ago I did a webinar on the topic and a couple books that can help you go deeper on this topic are Radical Candor and Crucial Conversations. Looking back on some of the difficult conversations I’ve had with others I should have and will apply in the future the following principles.

Relationship is Paramount

“Only when you care about the whole person with your whole self can you build a relationship.”

Kim Scott

I tend to be a very direct person especially when it comes to confrontation. That strength is also a weakness. Because I do not hesitate to confront a problem, I can hurt others. In this desire to quickly deal with the issue and get to a solution I may fail to consider the relationship. Let me explain.

As Kim Scott says above, we must care about the whole person. Often as leaders we address performance or behavior issues. I have had to do that often, but in my desire to quickly address the issue I have failed to communicate in a manner that truly values the person. Before having the candid conversation consider how you can carefully communicate in a manner that expresses how you value the individual as a person while not glossing over the real problem.

Remove Ego

I am good at over-reacting. Ask my three sons. I find often the over-reaction comes out of my ego being hurt. Ego is simply one’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance. We all have an ego, but sometimes they get hurt. Here are a few signs ego is getting in the way:

Being right is more important that doing what is right for everyone.
We are frustrated because others are not doing what we want them to do.
We are digging our heels in to argue why we are not at fault in the issue.

If you see these signs within you during a difficult conversation, then check your ego. One way I find helpful is reminding myself to keep the big picture in mind. Another way is the final idea below.

Listen

In my book 25 Ways to Lead Better at Work and Home I highlight the levels of listening so I will not cover that here. The third idea I realized is in my desire to quickly address the problem and solve it, I failed to listen. I missed Steven Covey’s principle of seeking first to understand before being understood.

When we must have a difficult conversation, we may not know the entire story. Maybe performance has dropped or behavior is off at this moment because of a personal problem. Possibly there was poor communication and expectations were unclear. Before launching into the confrontation take a moment to ask questions. Get curious where you are frustrated, and you may realize the issue was not as bad as you thought.

As I said, I am still growing in this area. Which of these areas do you need to develop? If you want to dive deeper into the issue e-mail me at randy@wheelercoachingsystems.com and I can send you a link to the webinar on the topic so you can dive deeper. Enter into the mess of the difficult conversation with candor and care. Lead Well.

May

2021

Always Influencing

Do you remember the movie Monsters, INC? In one scene the main character is checking in for work that day and Roz asks him if he has gotten some of his work done. He talks fast and says he will get it to her and she responds saying:

“I’m watching you, Wazowski. Always watching. Always!”

I was reminded of this quote from an experience I had recently. As a dad I’d rather coach my sons in their sports than watch. In part because I may pay more attention coaching than I would watching. Also, I enjoy the opportunity to positively impact the lives of other youth.

Apparently, I may have move influence than I realize. One young man I am coaching is a great kid, but my strong personality got in the way of being a positive influence. I will explain more in a moment. As I reflected on this experience I realize we continually influence others more than we may realize.

What I Say

My son’s team consists of third and fourth graders. I told them before a game the umpire would call a good strike zone and encouraged them to wait for good pitches. My first batter, who usually hits well took my words literally and barely swung during his first at bat. He took my words to heart and struck out watching.

We may have a formal or informal position of authority over others. Within that role our words are taken seriously therefore we need to choose our words carefully. If the leader of the organization says sales are down this quarter. Those in the organization may get nervous for their jobs even if sales are only down slightly and there is no concern of layoffs. What we say carries weight.

How I Communicate

If you are familiar with the personality behavior profile of DISC, I have a lot of “D” in me. What that means is I can be very direct, impatient, and am comfortable with confrontation. The young man above I mentioned happened to behave in a way that demonstrated poor sportsmanship and I confronted him in the dugout about it. I had my stern father look and voice even though I did not raise my voice.

I came to find out later this crushed him. I do not want any kid to not enjoy the game because of how I coach. After I found this out, I felt horrible. As I reflected on this I realized my insignificant position of little league head coach held weight for this young man. How I communicated could have been done in a tone that did not communicate to him such anger.

As leaders we need to be intentional about how we communicate. We may think we are being calm, but because of our position as a leader or parent those we are confronting may hear a shoe drop when we only think we are dropping a feather. Both our tone and our body language matter especially if we are communicating virtually . . . but that is for another day.

My Response

Coaching kids who do not completely know what they are doing is like training the new employee fresh out of college. We may know a lot and expect them to be where we are right now, but they are not.

A ball was barely hit in front of home with the bases loaded. The pitcher got the ball and overthrew first which leading to three runs scored. I was raising my voice trying to tell them what to do because they had not experienced the situation, so my response mattered.

Our emotions can get strong, as leaders we must be self-aware enough to not react but respond. When we respond we engage the thinking part of our brains and prevent over-reaction which in my experience leads to cleaning up many relational messes.

(In case you are wondering I talked to them in the dugout about being aware of the situations when they are in the field, but I over-reacted a little in the moment.)

People are always watching us. Parents, employees, our children, community members and more. This pressure is enough to make us want to make excuses like Mike in Monsters, INC, hide, or flat out quit. Do not do any of that! Be aware and keep growing your leadership in these areas so you can be more impactful leaders at work and home. If you want to increase your personal self-awareness go here to learn about the Maxwell DISC Personality Indicator I mentioned earlier. Lead Well!

Feb

2021

Which Way Do You Most Often Provide Guidance?

I have been preparing for an upcoming webinar on communicating with care and candor so I picked up Kim Scott’s book Radical Candor.* In this book she provides language for us to process how we are communicating when we lead.

For me candor and challenging others comes easily, but then I tip too far to that side and forget about caring for those I’m talking with. In my Friday video I mentioned the idea of kindness and the value of kindness in our leadership. As leaders we must demonstrate this kindness and care, but balance it with honest and at times difficult communication.

I have found models helpful for evaluating my performance. When I was first learning how to perform the squat exercise, I went down to what I thought was low enough. I was uncomfortable so it must be the standard, but later realized I was going only halfway to where I needed to be! The example of someone else helped me understand the standard.

Scott shares with us a framework for providing guidance to those we lead and interact with. These are her four terms with a brief explanation to help understanding.

Obnoxious Aggression

As I learned about this, I realized I fall in this category more often than I want to admit. This is the person who has no filter and tells EXACTLY what they think about something. We know they are being honest, but they fail to balance their honesty with compassion. At times this person may compliment, but include a belittling tone or sarcastic jab in the statement.

Manipulative Insincerity

When we provide guidance in this way, we are being political or guarded for a personal gain. Jim has turned in a project and the quality was not good enough but instead of telling him you say the quality is acceptable. Why? This keeps him happy and thinking he is doing well, but really you need to replace him. The insincere compliment buys you more time, but fails to be either caring or candid.

Ruinous Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share feelings with others. This is a good trait and a quality of great leaders, but leaders put themselves in difficult situations that can potentially lose the respect of others if it prevents them from making difficult decisions. When Jim was not performing well his leader did not criticize him because he did not want to create tension. This unintentionally set a lower standard and negatively impacted the entire team.

Radical Candor

This is when we have the right balance of care and challenge. Imagine you are talking to a neighbor who lets their two-year-old play near the street constantly. You say “Sue I know you love your son” which demonstrates care. Shortly after you kindly, but directly, remind Sue if she lets her son continue to play that close to the street, she may lose him. Care and challenge combined create this radical candor.

As you look at these four ways of guiding people that Scott provides, which do you tend to fall into? In what ways can you grow in either care or candor with those you lead? Need help thinking into your leadership? Contact me for a thirty minute no cost to you thinking partner session. Lead Well.

*This is an affiliate code.

Dec

2019

Holiday Connecting at Home and Work

Confession: small talk is not my strength. I enjoy asking questions and understanding people, but I want to have a purpose in our conversation. Because of this, holiday parties and family get togethers can be stressful at times.

I like people and I love my family, but I want purpose in what we are doing. Some of you are probably thinking: “This guy is wound a little too tight.” You are probably right.

I have a guess though, others of you feel similar. At times I provide a workshop to help people understand four different personality styles and their own style. This improves communication at work and at home.

I don’t have the time to go in depth on this as people have written entire books on the topic, but let me illustrate what you may experience during the holidays as you try to connect with others.

Jim

Jim walks in the room and everybody knows. Some people feel like they are walking on eggshells. The meal was ready, but Jim takes it on himself to take over and tell everyone how things are done.

That is how Jim behaves. He takes charge and conversations with him do not last long. He is straight to the point and direct and expects you to be the same. You see Jim is a “D”.

Julie

Julie on the other hand walks in and says hi to everyone in the room. People love seeing Julie because she brings fun and energy with her. Julie is the one with all the stories and enjoys being the center of attention. How will you know if you are talking to a Julie? She never quite seems to quit talking. Julie is an “I”.

Sam

Sam has been at the party for an hour and you just noticed he arrived. He has quietly been helping the host of the party in any way he can to make the experience better. When he is not helping, you find him listening or quietly talking with one or two other individuals in a corner of the room. Sam is an “S” and is very loyal, helpful, and when the family fights arise he is trying to maintain peace.

Charlotte

Charlotte likes being around Sam because they are both a bit quiet and reserved, but Charlotte has something about her Sam does not. Insatiable curiosity. You see Charlotte at times reminds others of their five-year-old child, but less aggravating. Charlotte likes to understand how and why things work and asks lots of questions. This can drive some of the others nuts, but this is how a “C” can be.

You have a basic understanding of these types so hopefully you can do two things now:

Appreciate the differences they bring.
Adjust how you communicate with them to be able to speak their language. If we seek to serve and adjust to others we will connect and add more value to them.

Maybe in the process we might enjoy our holiday experiences as we appreciate our unique differences. If you want to understand your personal unique differences and your style go here to invest in a Maxwell DISC Personality Indicator Report. In the meantime. Enjoy your holidays and lead well!