CONTROL

Nov

2023

Leading With Influence . . . Not Control

Confession: I am a recovering control freak. I don’t HAVE to be in charge, but I don’t mind leading, especially if there is not someone who wants to.

Recently I have been reading the book Herding Tigers by Todd Henry. In this book about leading creative teams, he makes a statement that applies to leading any team:

“Influencers teach principles; control freaks deal in absolutes.”

I am going to unpack this a bit for us to help us learn how to lead from influence instead of control. Let’s look at the ABC’s of leading from influence instead of control.

Appreciate Individuality

Each of us is different, and we are predictably different. Whether this is our personality and how we communicate or what gives us energy in how we approach our work. Everyone has various backgrounds and experiences; therefore, our individual perspectives can help improve a project in various ways. As the leader, take time to appreciate individual differences and allow people to reach the goal in their unique way.

Be Clear on Expectations

I am not suggesting that as we appreciate individuality we lead chaos. The best way to think of this is creating a fence. When we were kids and played on a playground if we had a fence we felt free to roam anywhere within the boundary. Your team needs a clear objective and a fence to clarify what lines not to cross. Remember, though, do not make the fence so small the team feels no freedom to use their individual gifts, talents, and unique ways of thinking.

Expectations create the principles to guide a team. The objective defines the result you desire. Be clear on both and allow your team freedom to get there how they want.

Consider Your Team’s Perspective

As a leader, you have multiple projects you manage and responsibilities to take care of. If you are not careful, you may fly in and dump your expectations without slowing down to consider the team. How much capacity does the team have? Do they need some training from you? Because of their personalities, do they need time to ask questions?

When delegating to your team or starting up a new initiative, slow down enough to listen and learn where they are. You probably are ten steps ahead and may need to slow down to meet them where they are. Walk with them awhile and give them principles to help them make their own decisions. Teach them how to think and don’t do the thinking for them. They will feel empowered and not controlled.

Determine What is Best for the Team

You have been thinking about your vision for months. You probably think it is a great idea. May I suggest you slow down a minute to get input from the team? If we plow ahead and dictate, people will feel controlled and not heard.

Paint the picture of where you want to go and then listen to what your team is saying. They may know something you have not considered. They have unique perspectives and as a group you must consider what is best for the team not just some individual’s ego. The team may not be in unanimous agreement, but if most agree the action is best for the team then move forward.

Control feels fast while influence feels slow. The reality is when we lead by influence more people take ownership and we build a team. Alone we can go fast, but with a team we can go far. When you look at these four areas, which do you need to grow in? Need help talking through some challenging issues with your team? Consider The Maxwell Leadership Game as a tool to help open up communication on your team. Keep growing your influence and growing your team. Lead well.

Jul

2023

Leadership Tension: Empowering and Controlling

I have the opportunity to sit across from many leaders. One particular day I was facilitating a leadership experience activity where the leaders would discuss various questions. One of the questions addressed the issue of empowerment.

I asked these leaders to raise their hands if it was hard for them to equip others, and over half raised their hands. I asked why, and most said it took too much time. It is quicker for them to do it.

As I dig into this idea individually with leaders, I find a tension exists. They want responsibilities off their plate but also want it done right. Craig Groeschel discussed the tension of empowering and controlling in his leadership podcast.¹ What do we do about this tension? How do we navigate it?

Why Leaders Control

In his book The Control Freak, Les Parrott explores why leaders meddle and try to control. He suggests this is rooted in anxiety. The fear that they may lose it all.² An unhealthy leader tries to clone him or herself and, in reality, develops a team of followers who do tasks and take orders. This fear compels them to control in an unhealthy way.

In a previous blog, I mentioned how Ed Catmul of Pixar, in his book Creativity Inc discusses this idea of control in light of the ability to trust. He says:

“Fear and trust are powerful forces, and while they are not opposites, exactly, trust is the best tool for driving out fear.”

The fear of losing money, power, results, etc., as leaders, can compel us to reach for more control. A leader must move from fear to trust to empower those they lead. Can this drive for control be helpful for a leader?

Helpful Control

Leadership expert John Maxwell often emphasizes that a leader “sees more before.” This is a practical outworking of vision. Leaders see what others do not. Because of this perspective, they may have certain expectations. These expectations help preserve culture.

In his book, The Advantage, Patrick Lencioni provides four disciplines for organizational health. One of those disciplines is creating clarity^.3 Clarity in mission, vision, values, and process procedures are all part of this healthy culture. This clarity is the healthy control a leader brings to a team.

Sports demonstrates another area of helpful control: the scoreboard. In his book The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork, John Maxwell describes the Law of the Scoreboard, which helps the team know where it stands.⁴ Leaders are creating a healthy control method when they have a scoreboard. McChesney, Covey, and Huling suggest a compelling scoreboard is the third of four disciplines for execution in their book.⁵

This scoreboard helps clarify what is really important for the team to execute on and get results. It may feel controlling, but it clarifies where the organization stands and gives more purpose and direction.

Empower or Dump

We have established some reasons why people control and what healthy control can look like, but what about this idea of empowering? I have seen leaders who hand off a task to a team member and think they have empowered them. The team members look stunned and confused, wondering what they are supposed to do. This is an example of dumping a task that Groeschel suggests does not empower.

When we empower, we give people the authority to create and build something. For example, if I ask someone to fix my roof, but I give them no tools, they lack power. If I give them tools and they have the freedom to fix the roof the best way they know based on their expertise, then they are empowered. They will learn, grow, and even be able to teach others how to think about repairing a roof. If I tell them exactly how to do it, I’ve only dumped a task, and they will become good at the task but not necessarily learn how to think and problem-solve like a leader.

When we dump on those we lead and do not resource nor provide clear expectations, they may feel controlled. Remember a time you did a task, and someone came back and told you it was wrong, but you had no clear explanation of expectations at the beginning? This only sets you up to feel controlled and frustrated. Laying out expectations when we empower is a healthy control in our leadership.

Control or Boundaries

Fences are good. Think of a playground. Years ago, a study showed that kids at a playground with a fence feel free to play anywhere within the fence. Without the fence, they huddle near the teacher.⁶ Now, let’s imagine another scenario where they were shocked every time someone got near the fence. What is the difference between these two scenarios, and what does it have to do with control in our leadership?

The first scenario is a healthy boundary. Similar to when you provide clear expectations in delegation. If people know the expected outcome and are given the freedom to get there in the way they see works best, they don’t feel controlled. This is a boundary and a clear expectation that limits the project in healthy ways and provides focus. This is healthy control by the leader.

On the other hand, if, as the leader, you hover over your people and try to micromanage every step of the journey, then people feel controlled. They feel as if you are ready to zap them like the fence if they mess up. This type of control from a leader is unhealthy and will create a culture of fear.

So where do you fall in this tension as a leader? If you were to rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 5, with five being not controlling at all to the point of no boundaries and one being ready to zap people at any moment, where would you rank yourself? Like many leadership tensions, the best place to be is in the middle. We will lean toward one side over the other but aim to walk the tense tightrope balancing empowerment with control.

Need help thinking about where you fall on this? E-mail me at randy@wheelercoachingsystems.com, and let’s talk about how I can help you think into your leadership so you can lead from a healthier place. If you found this helpful, share it with others. Lead Well.

Craig Groeschel Leadership Podcast. Episode 114, “Lead Like It Matters Part I.” August 4, 2022.
Parrott, Les. The Control Freak: Coping with Those Around You. Taming the One Within. Tyndale House, Wheaton, 2000.
Lencioni, Patrick. The Advantage. Jossey-Bass, San Francisco, 2012.
Maxwell, John. The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork. Thomas Nelson, Nashville, 2001.
McChesney, Chris, Covey, Sean, Huling, Jim. The 4 Disciplines of Execution. Free Press, NY, 2012.
https://www.asla.org/awards/2006/studentawards/282.html retrieved 7/9/23

Sep

2021

Leaders Let Go

Are you a control freak? Do you like to make sure everything is done perfectly? Do you quickly take work from someone else because “it’s faster if I do it”? If you are honest with yourself, would you say you try to have your hands in everything? If you answered yes to any of these, you may either be an unknown control freak or a recovering one like me.*

As I was thinking about my battle to let go in many areas of life a few ideas came to mind which I hope you find valuable.

Recognition

The first step to dealing with a problem is recognizing it. This may require getting feedback from others who will tell you the truth.** The biggest sign I see both in myself and in clients I work with in helping them develop their leadership is the temptation to do everything.

I understand it is quicker to do it yourself, but let’s think about this on a personal level. Imagine you take an hour to train your children how to do the dishes even though it only would take you fifteen minutes to do yourself. How much time will you ultimately save by them doing the dishes over the next number of years?

The same applies professionally. Leaders frequently express concern about the time it may take to equip another employee. First, recognize you may have a control issue of wanting the task done exactly how you do it. After you have accepted the potential of that, then think about equipping another person which will build leaders for your team/organization while freeing your time for responsibilities more aligned with your role.

Know Your Real Job

In his book Procrastinate on Purpose author Rory Vaden interviewed successful entrepreneur Troy Peple about managing time. During the interview Peple stated:

“My job isn’t to do; my job is to make sure it gets done.”

Vaden described how Peple had become so good at delegating that people worried if he was doing the work. As the leader you see the job and organization from a much higher level. When examining what you do there are some essential questions we will cover in the next section. One helps determine if this is really your job to do.

As an aside, this is not a statement of being above a job, but a question of if you do this daily is it the best use of your time. Good leaders are willing to do any job.

Each of us may not have the same ability to delegate as Peple, but what we can learn from this statement is understanding his real responsibility was not to do all the work. I would guess he had learned to tame his control freak as he saw the value of letting go. Let’s explore how you determine what you do need to keep on your plate and control.

Three Key Questions

When I do masterminds helping professionals apply the principles in John Maxwell’s book Developing the Leader Within You 2.0 we discuss priorities. In this section John challenges us to answer three critical questions. These questions will help us prioritize and determine what our primary job is as the leader.

What is required of me? – Among all the responsibilities you have, what must you do. Peple would say casting vision is his number one job. Depending on your organization this and maybe a few other items are what are required.
What gives me the greatest return? – If the task is not giving you a great return on your time maybe it would be better to let go of control and give it to someone else or not do it.
What gives me the greatest reward? – Not all of us can operate in this area depending on the stage of our team/organization. We can get clarity on what we enjoy doing the most and this can give us clarity on why we are trying to control it. If we enjoy it, we may not want to let go of it, but does it serve the overall vision?

The Role’s Requirement

In this final section, allow me to get nerdy for a brief minute. There are three skills leadership require: technical, human, and conceptual. All three are required but depending on your role more of one may be required than the other. Knowing which of these is required helps determine if you are controlling areas you should not be.

Let me illustrate, the skilled worker who becomes a manager may try to teach his team to do everything exactly like he or she used to. In this new role more time needs to be dedicated to building people and looking at the bigger picture. Micromanaging the how of what your people do may frustrate them and not tame the control freak within.

So where do you need to let go of control? Need an outside thinking partner to help you discern where you may not be leading as well as you could. Contact me and let’s set up a time to think into your results. We all fight this battle and we all can improve. Lead Well.

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*As an aside years ago I read a book called The Control Freak by Les Parrott which not only helps with dealing with control freaks around you, but also the one within. A small recommendation if you want to dive deeper in this topic.

** If you want tips on getting or giving feedback you can go here for the first part of a short three-part video series.

May

2020

Control or Let Go as a Leader?

I was watching part of the movie Finding Nemo with my boys. I had been frustrated that day wanting something of value to write in this blog. Nemo’s dad, Marlin, and Dory are inside the whale and an intense conversation occurred.

Marlin was holding on to Dory preventing her from falling into the throat of the whale when Dory said something critical. “It’s time to let go, everything is going to be alright.”

Isn’t this the tension leaders continually have? In times of adversity or crisis this tension is felt even stronger.

Letting Go

What is it we are holding onto? I can think of multiple times in life where I wanted to hold onto the past because it was safe, familiar, and comfortable. What is familiar may not be what is best. In times of adversity and change we often must let go of the familiar to move toward the next normal.

What is safe may simply be comfortable. I remember a nineteen-year-old car I drove that was comfortable, but many would have questioned the safety. When I finally let go of that car the next normal was much better. The question is what do we need to let go of to embrace the next and oftentimes better normal?

Holding On

I would suggest often what keeps us holding on is the desire for control. We want to feel in control. This is a way we deal with our own fears or insecurities. The fear of the unknown is one of the greatest.

Ed Catmull, co-founder of Pixar, in his book Creativity Inc discusses fear and its relationship to trust which I would suggest is a key to what keeps us holding on. He says:

“Fear and trust are powerful forces, and while they are not opposites, exactly, trust is the best tool for driving out fear.”

In order to let go we have to be able to trust others. In the movie Marlin had to let go of trying to protect his son and trust that Nemo was capable. In leadership we often must let go of the need to have it done our way and fear that it won’t be done right. Instead, trust those we lead will accomplish the goal we defined.

Courageously Move Ahead

That which Marlin feared greatest . . . the unknown ocean, was what he had to face to reach the goal of saving his son. In order to move ahead into the unknown, leaders often must face what they fear. Marlin had one thing we all must have to succeed as leaders.

Community.

All along the journey he had Dory by his side and many others along the way who helped him reach his destination. As we lead courageously into the unknown, we need those around us who will be thinking partners and support to keep moving ahead.

What about you? Is there something you are attached to that is holding you from moving ahead into the unknown and leading to your full potential? Who is around you to help you lead in trust and not fear? If I can help you in any way, please contact me. In the meantime, lead courageously and lead well.

Apr

2017

What the Lego Movie Taught Me About Leadership

“He can’t be the chosen one, he isn’t even a master builder.” I was driving to Columbus, Ohio with my family and The Lego Movie was playing in the back. I had watched the movie with my boys multiple times (I know I am a little kid at heart), but listening to it brought to my mind the awareness of a battle I feel as a leader constantly.

If you aren’t familiar with this movie, part of the plot is lord Business wants to control the entire Lego world and keep tight control on everything. Everyone must follow the instructions and creativity is frowned upon. The “piece of resistance” is on the back of the “chosen one” who can save all the people from “the kragle” which will make everyone be stuck permanently as they are and stifle all creativity.

As I listened it hit me that I struggle with this tension both personally and professionally with the battle between control and creativity. These don’t seem opposed you may say, generally no, but the concepts in the plot of this movie made me think differently. After “googling” these words the following definitions came up:

Control – the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events

Creativity – the use of the imagination or original ideas

As a leader both are needed, but how do I balance the two? I see one illustration of this tension in parenting. My son wanted to have a leaf raking business last fall. I saw all that needed to be done and I had to resist the urge to try to micromanage him and tell him exactly how to do everything. Yes, the work may have been completed more efficiently, but would my controlling have enabled him to learn some of the processes necessary for running his own business? If I am controlling everything and trying to make it perfect will it help him grow?

This same son is naturally very creative and I had to allow him to think of his own methods for getting business and how he would implement the leaf raking process. I was available to help him with some of the work (such as using the leaf blower since it was a fun toy for dad to play with) and help him process his ideas, but I had to tame my urge for perfection.

The same was true in this movie. Lord Business wanted the Lego world to be perfect and people had to follow the rules. On the other hand there were many people who used their “master builder” skills to create amazing new Lego creations such as a motorcycle out of spare parts or a giant construction machine to save the city.

Do you remember the playground in elementary school? There was a fence to keep you from getting hurt or kidnapped, but you had freedom to do whatever you wanted on the playground as long as you stayed within the parameters. Control for appropriate safety which created an environment for amazing youthful creativity.

As a leaders are we imparting too many controls? Are we taking the need for appropriate controls for accountability and structure so far that it limits those around us from having the freedom to think creatively? Creativity comes out of space to think freely. Do we allow freedom in our schedule to let our minds creatively wander, what about our family’s schedule, what about those we lead at work? Create boundaries, but within the boundaries allow creativity to flourish. Do you allow yourself and others to play on the playground of life at home and work? Share below practices you use to allow creativity to flourish in the areas you lead.