EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Nov

2022

Teams That Are Healthy

Teams are everywhere. A team can consist of two people or two hundred. The larger the team the more challenging to get them to work together effectively. Let me illustrate.

55 vs. 15

Fifty-five is the number of players on an NFL team while fifteen is the number of players on an NBA team.

16 v 4

Sixteen coaches including the head coach and not including trainers, etc. lead NFL teams while the head coach and three assistants lead NBA teams. With the ratios I’ve just shared you would think it is easier to build a healthy NBA team than NFL team. We may think the same at work that a smaller team should become healthy and well-functioning easier than a larger team.

Three factors will decide which one is healthier. Each of these start with the leader and those around him or her.

“[T]hree conditions are essential to a group’s effectiveness: trust . . . , group identity, and . . . group efficacy.” Druskatt & Wolff

Emotional Intelligence

“[E]motional competencies were found to be twice as important in contributing to excellence as pure intellect and expertise.”

Daniel Goleman

The first piece to a healthy team is self-aware individuals. Emotional intelligence is simply awareness of one’s emotions in a manner that individuals can sense them and control them.

Maybe you have been in a situation where you feel your emotions rise and want to explode. You pause for a minute recognizing this explosion may make you feel better but will not positively impact the conversation so you pause and reset. Individuals with a lack of emotional intelligence fail to have the capacity to be aware of these feelings.

We are emotional individuals and failure to be in tune with our emotions hinders our ability to connect. If emotions are an area that is awkward for you then take time when you feel emotion to identify what the emotion is and then ask “what is making me . . . . frustrated, angry, etc.” This pause will help you show up in an emotionally healthier way with your team.

Social Intelligence

A team consists of individuals. These individuals work together to accomplish a common goal. Emotional intelligence is awareness of our emotions and having the capacity to respond appropriately. Social intelligence is awareness of others’ emotions and the capacity to respond in a manner that brings the group together.

Imagine you are leading a meeting and you sense tensions rising as you discuss an important issue. A leader with good social intelligence will be able to keep the conversation moving forward in a productive manner. Different perspectives are helpful to a team, but a socially intelligent leader must have the ability to lead the team through problem solving scenarios in a manner that brings unity and not division.

Trust

“Speed happens when people . . . truly trust each other.” Edward Marshall

In his book The Speed of Trust, Stephen M. R. Covey suggests trust is a function of character and competence. When each member of a team is competent in what they do the leader will be able to trust them to accomplish work correctly. A team member’s character is demonstrated by accomplishing the work accurately and on time. Both dramatically impact the health of a team.

As you evaluate your leadership how are you doing in each of these areas? How aware are you of your feelings and what is the cause of them in the moment, so you don’t explode and create an unhealthy environment? Do you need to be more aware of the emotions of the team so you can help them navigate problems more effectively? Where would you rate your team on trust on a scale of one to ten? We all have areas to grow. If you need help thinking into ways to break through any of these barriers with your team contact me and let’s discover how I can serve you. Keep building your team and growing as a leader. Lead Well.

Goleman, Daniel. Working With Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books: New York, 1998.

Druskat, V. and Wolff, S. “Building the Emotional Intelligence of Groups.” Harvard Business Review, March 2001. https://hbr.org/2001/03/building-the-emotional-intelligence-of-groups retrieved 1/18/22

Covey, Stephen M. R. The Speed of Trust. Free Press: New York, 2006.

Mar

2022

Coaching as A Leader

I was having a conversation with Andy Dalton CIO of CREA about his approach to leadership. During our conversation we discussed how he utilizes a coaching style in his leadership.

While talking I asked him to share more about his approach. Below are some of the principles that inform his approach to leadership.

Win/Win

In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People Steven Covey shares the idea of having a win/win mentality. This approach serves us well in multiple aspects of life. When implementing a coaching style of leadership Andy is seeking out a win/win.

One win is that the team succeeds. Leaders must have a clear picture of what success looks like for the team. Imagine a sports team with limited talent. A national championship may not be realistic, but a conference championship could be. Once the leader knows what success looks like for the team, they move to the second win.

What does success look like for the individual? This is where the coaching really begins. True coaching involves asking questions. Leadership expert John Maxwell states:

“The most effective way to connect with others is by asking questions.”

Asking questions helps leader understand what success looks like for the individual. As the leader clarifies this they are on the path to the second win.

Emotional Intelligence

Daniel Goleman, the pioneer in emotional intelligence research, identified five areas that make emotional intelligence. Self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. Dalton highlighted the importance of emotional intelligence to lead as a coach.

An effective coach-leader has enough emotional intelligence to read people. They can pick up on the cues others and since whether they are in or out of alignment. This is a critical skill to listening well. Dalton has found that effectively listening will tune him into what is truly important to the individuals he leads. These first two ideas lead into the final aspect of a coach-leader.

Motivation

I will not cover the different types of motivation here but will suggest the best motivation is intrinsic. As a leader asks questions, listens, and understands how others think and feel he or she will be equipped to motivate the people he or she leads. Andy has found a few keys to sustaining motivation with those he leads.

Vision casting – a leader’s job is to help others see more before. The leader holds the big picture in his or her mind and helps others see it. Vision inspires and gives purpose.

Truth telling – confrontation can be a challenge for some leaders, but an effective coach-leader has difficult conversations to hold people accountable when necessary.

Loyalty and encouragement – people thrive in a positive environment where they know the leader is supporting them. As the leader speaks truth, he or she must make sure the team knows the leader is on their side and believes in them.

Is this an approach that you could adapt in your leadership? Maybe you just need to incorporate one aspect of this style. Coming alongside those we lead and guiding them is necessary to equip people to lead themselves. What step will you apply? Lead Well.

Oct

2020

What Is Your Leadership Quotient?

Leadership has been discussed for years, but has been around since the beginning of time. At the foundation of any movement exists a leader or group of leaders.

Before going any further, what is a leader? A leader could have a position, but at times people in positions of leadership may not be effective leaders. The real leader is the one with influence. A position can give influence, but our leadership quotient determines if we maintain that influence.

I don’t have time to go in depth on this idea of a Leadership Quotient, but I will share the main components that I believe create it. Robert Service¹ goes in depth with twelve components that create a leadership quotient, but I am going to suggest five.

Others have researched some of these concepts more in depth. Most of these ideas come from the thinking of people such as Daniel Goleman^2,3, Shirzad Chamine⁴, and others. Their books are at the bottom of this post and I would recommend any of them. Let me dive in.

IQ

An effective leader must have some level of intellectual intelligence. This quotient is a measure of an individual’s ability to reason and solve problems. A leader’s job is to solve problems so he or she must have a reasonable amount of this type of intelligence. He or she does not need to be the smartest person in the room and an effective leader often is not. A secure leader will surround him or herself with people smarter than him or her especially in areas of weakness.

EQ

Regardless of the position a leader fulfills, the ability to relate and connect with people is essential. Daniel Goleman introduced the concept of emotional intelligence in the 1990’s and one of his best resources on leadership and emotional intelligence is the book Primal Leadership. A leader must have the emotional self-awareness to be able to manage him or herself appropriately to connect with those he or she leads.

SQ

No one is an island. Even if we run a business as a solopreneur we still interact socially. Social Intelligence is the ability to understand the dynamics of a group. Leaders with this type of intelligence can lead teams with intelligence on how to naturally escalate and de-escalate a situation. This essential skill shows up in team meeting interactions and the ability to move the group forward.

StQ

We can be great with people and smart, but if we have no strategy or fail to execute on that strategy I would suggest we have a low StQ. This is how well we create plans to move a team toward the vision. Not only how well we can create it, but how effective are we at executing the plan. A lack of strategy intelligence will prevent us from accomplishing the vision.

PQ

A friend of mine introduced me to the idea of Positive Intelligence through the work of Shirzad Chamine. I can explore this concept more in depth in a future post, but this is how successfully we lead ourselves. What inputs do we dwell on as leaders? Are we allowing the judge in our mind to be in charge or the thoughts that provide positive feedback? This intelligence can determine if we excel and continue at a high level of leadership or burnout.

After looking at these five intelligence areas on a scale of one to ten where would you rank yourself? Which one of these areas do you need to develop? Need help thinking into this? Contact me and in the meantime, lead well.

Service, Robert. “The Leadership Quotient: Measuring Toward Improvement.” The Business Renaissance Quarterly.
Goleman, Daniel. Primal Leadership.
Goleman, Daniel. Social Intelligence.
Chamine, Shirzad. Positive Intelligence.

Nov

2019

IQ or EQ and Leadership

What is your IQ?

If you are like me then you have no clue . . . maybe that means my IQ is low. At times people think the smartest person is the best leader. . . . . maybe . . . maybe not.

Leaders must have some form of intelligence, but there is something else that is equally if not more important . . . emotional intelligence.

Allow me to share a picture with you that will be a part of a book I have coming out providing a simple guide to leadership theory.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_d5n8ghzut5g/SYd8GGY1wII/AAAAAAAAAIk/a3o_ze4lGF0/s400/katz2.png

As you can see in the picture, no matter one’s position in an organization or team the human skill needs are the same. This is evidence of the need for emotional intelligence.

In one of my early leadership roles, I was what Daniel Goleman¹ would call a dissonant leader. I was out of touch with the feelings of others. I had my agenda and the task we needed to do as a group and we had to drive ahead. I saw one of my colleagues approach it differently and realized there was a more effective way.

Self-awareness

“How well leaders manage their moods and affect everyone else’s moods . . . becomes . . . a factor in how well a business will do.” Daniel Goleman

Goleman discusses this as the foundation of emotional intelligence. What is it though? This is the ability to recognize our own emotions and therefore the emotions in others. An experience I had early on made me realize the importance of not only being aware of my emotions, but the need to learn how to control them. I recognized if I did not grow in this area I would severely limit my leadership ability.

Resonance

The opposite of a dissonant leader is a resonant leader according to Goleman. This was the co-worker of mine who had developed his ability to understand others at an emotional level and motivate them in a way I could not yet. His ability was a sign of personal self-awareness, and being attuned to the feelings of others. This ability helps leaders accomplish the next concept.

Heart Leadership

“Gifted leadership occurs where heart and head – feeling and thought – meet.”

Daniel Goleman

Think of a great leader, coach, teacher, or public figure you know. What is it that makes that individual so influential? Martin Luther King Jr. and Abraham Lincoln both had the ability to connect with the hearts and minds of those they were seeking to influence. They combined a felt need with a logical path for solving the challenge the people were facing. This takes IQ, but IQ without EQ I would suggest limits us greatly.

How is your EQ? Do you connect not only logically with others, but on an emotional level? What barriers are keeping you from raising your leadership level? Contact me for a thinking partner session to help you raise your leadership. Lead Well.

Goleman, D., Boyatzis, R., and McKee, A. Primal Leadership: Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence. #ad Harvard Business School Press, 2002.

Jul

2018

Three Tips to Improve Emotional Leadership

I was facilitating a group with some leaders and during the course of our time together we discussed the Law of Momentum from John Maxwell’s book The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. One of the roadblocks to momentum we discussed was the reality that our emotions can derail the progress we are achieving.

In the 1990’s researcher Daniel Goleman introduced us to the concept of emotional intelligence. In his book Working with Emotional Intelligence he describes his research findings after testing and in-depth interviews with hundreds of workers. He states:

“emotional competencies were found to be twice as important in contributing to excellence as pure intellect and expertise.”

Wow! We need to pay attention to this. This may have originally come out twenty plus years ago, but the importance is even more critical today in our social media oriented world. Entire books have been written on this topic by Goleman and others, but let me highlight two areas that arose in our group: calmness and anger.

Confession here: I am not a patient individual so in leadership roles I have a lot of room to grow in remaining calm and keeping my frustration tempered. I don’t know about you, but I find it takes more energy to remain calm than to give full vent to my emotions. We all know remaining calm is more fruitful in the long run.

So what can we do to improve?

Be Aware

Similar to individuals dealing with addiction the first step is recognizing this area is a challenge. Over time I have become more tuned in to my emotions, or what Goleman calls self-awareness, that I can sense when I am beginning to get frustrated. Some of those signs are as simple as an elevated heart rate or sensing my anger rising.

Be Prepared

When we go on a trip for work or personally we have a plan “B” if everything goes awry such as phone numbers of people to call and alternate forms of travel and hopefully some cushion so we can still make the event on time. Do we have a plan on how to respond emotionally in a way that calms us instead of reacting and then having to spend time cleaning up the mess we created? Maybe this is as simple as sitting down and putting our feet up when talking to the individual instead of standing with our arms crossed. Try sitting and see what this does for you and how it impacts the other person’s response. Maybe you need to go somewhere and do some pushups just to let off steam, go for a five-minute walk, take ten deep breaths, or call for a break in the meeting so the tension in the room can ease and you can process.

Act

This is not earth shattering, but once we have a plan do we implement it when the time comes. This takes intentionality because we want to react, but to manage our emotions and remain calm when we want to explode takes intentional action.

If you have ever worked with teenagers you know they are excellent at pushing the anger button. I have found as I am aware of my anger rising and want to pull the authority card that will not build our relationship in the long run, I work instead I try to take the individual aside and either stand with my hands behind my back as I talk or sit down while I discuss the issue with the individual. This forces me to be calm and therefore can create a more emotionally stable and respectful environment for both of us. At the end of the day as we improve our emotional leadership we will grow the respect we have for ourselves and others will grow in their respect for us.

What area of this do you need to grow in? Is this the first time you even have thought you may have an issue you need to deal with? Do you need others to help you in your awareness like a coach? Do you have a plan so you can respond instead of react? Do you simply need to follow your plan? We won’t improve overnight. Like everything, this is a process so take the first step today and celebrate the small victories along the way to leading better at work and home.

Feb

2017

My Failure at Emotional Self-Leadership

Years ago Daniel Goleman introduced the concept of emotional intelligence. To state it simply this is the idea of an individual being aware both of their personal emotions and the emotions of those around them. In his book Primal Leadership, Goleman describes four domains: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. Let me illustrate this concept from my personal experience.

I am a “Type A” driven person and with that I tend to try to squeeze everything out of my time. On this particular day I was done with a haircut appointment with my three boys and I had about an hour and a half window before going to a movie with my parents and family, which is a rare experience. My wife needed me to get something from the store which was no problem because I had to run to the local printer to get something made. I figured I had plenty of time to complete the extra trip to the grocery with my trip to a local electronics store and the printer.

I am not sure how your life works, but in this instance I thought the printer stop would be fairly simple. Apparently I was wrong. I explained to the kind employee what I wanted to accomplish and he was tremendously helpful. We looked together and I watched as he tried to get multiple copies on one sheet to ultimately lower my expenses. Normally this is not a problem, but it was beginning to take too much time. I proceeded to ask him to continue working and I ran my electronics store errand and was back ten minutes later.

I am relatively calm still, but starting to become quite self-aware of my rising anxiety as the clock is ticking and I don’t want to let my family down by making us late to the movie. I return to the print shop where the employee has had success at formatting the document satisfactorily. I only have about ten minutes at this point and everything is becoming more complicated as he struggles to get the cost estimate calculated. At this point my self-management is starting to become quite visible as I gently pound my head on my wallet while he calculates everything and I am becoming visibly frustrated. Basically I am looking as mature and patient as a five year old who wants a treat from his mom or dad. When he finally calculates it the price was much higher than anticipated. At this point I know I will be late and I politely ask to save it and I will return another day.

Let me introduce another concept to you. Goleman provided a term called the “amygdala hijack” which is when our emotions take over and our rational brain even shuts down. This is exactly what happened when I entered the car, turned on the engine and drove down the highway. . . . I lost it. Let’s just say my family would not be proud of the words I was saying. As my emotions took over and I drove down the highway rushing home to be able to attend the movie on time I had just enough self-awareness to call my wife and tell her to meet me there.

Here is the problem. When we are in this intensely emotional state, and in my case very angry at the circumstance and frustrated with ourselves, we cannot lead well. We have to figure out ways to get out of this state to avoid hurting others or making bad decisions. So what did I do? I went home, shaved, changed clothes and tried to relax and settle down emotionally so I wouldn’t be a bomb exploding and the shrapnel hitting all my family and hurting them emotionally. I wish I could say I quickly calmed down, but it took time. I had to vent a little to my dad, sit and relax, choose to be patient, pray, hit a few things (not recommended) and finally just forget about it, enjoy the movie and move on.

Why do I share all this? As a parent and leader we must be self-aware and know when we need to disengage enough to prevent creating more problems by speaking when our logical mind has been hijacked. Maybe withdrawing for a moment will help, intentionally relaxing, processing with someone who will listen and is outside of the problem, or just turning your mind to something else and returning to the issue when you are calmer. Just like you, I am on this journey of trying to lead others well, but before I can lead others well I must have the capacity to lead myself well as do all of us. We must lead ourselves first, then we will be better equipped to lead those around us. What practices do you use to get yourself emotionally under control? Share below so I can learn from you.