INFLUENCE

Nov

2023

Leading With Influence . . . Not Control

Confession: I am a recovering control freak. I don’t HAVE to be in charge, but I don’t mind leading, especially if there is not someone who wants to.

Recently I have been reading the book Herding Tigers by Todd Henry. In this book about leading creative teams, he makes a statement that applies to leading any team:

“Influencers teach principles; control freaks deal in absolutes.”

I am going to unpack this a bit for us to help us learn how to lead from influence instead of control. Let’s look at the ABC’s of leading from influence instead of control.

Appreciate Individuality

Each of us is different, and we are predictably different. Whether this is our personality and how we communicate or what gives us energy in how we approach our work. Everyone has various backgrounds and experiences; therefore, our individual perspectives can help improve a project in various ways. As the leader, take time to appreciate individual differences and allow people to reach the goal in their unique way.

Be Clear on Expectations

I am not suggesting that as we appreciate individuality we lead chaos. The best way to think of this is creating a fence. When we were kids and played on a playground if we had a fence we felt free to roam anywhere within the boundary. Your team needs a clear objective and a fence to clarify what lines not to cross. Remember, though, do not make the fence so small the team feels no freedom to use their individual gifts, talents, and unique ways of thinking.

Expectations create the principles to guide a team. The objective defines the result you desire. Be clear on both and allow your team freedom to get there how they want.

Consider Your Team’s Perspective

As a leader, you have multiple projects you manage and responsibilities to take care of. If you are not careful, you may fly in and dump your expectations without slowing down to consider the team. How much capacity does the team have? Do they need some training from you? Because of their personalities, do they need time to ask questions?

When delegating to your team or starting up a new initiative, slow down enough to listen and learn where they are. You probably are ten steps ahead and may need to slow down to meet them where they are. Walk with them awhile and give them principles to help them make their own decisions. Teach them how to think and don’t do the thinking for them. They will feel empowered and not controlled.

Determine What is Best for the Team

You have been thinking about your vision for months. You probably think it is a great idea. May I suggest you slow down a minute to get input from the team? If we plow ahead and dictate, people will feel controlled and not heard.

Paint the picture of where you want to go and then listen to what your team is saying. They may know something you have not considered. They have unique perspectives and as a group you must consider what is best for the team not just some individual’s ego. The team may not be in unanimous agreement, but if most agree the action is best for the team then move forward.

Control feels fast while influence feels slow. The reality is when we lead by influence more people take ownership and we build a team. Alone we can go fast, but with a team we can go far. When you look at these four areas, which do you need to grow in? Need help talking through some challenging issues with your team? Consider The Maxwell Leadership Game as a tool to help open up communication on your team. Keep growing your influence and growing your team. Lead well.

Oct

2023

Swift Influence

I don’t have daughters, I am a fan of football and I wouldn’t know anything about Taylor Swift except for people I know who have daughters and the media. Am I just jumping on the bandwagon to talk about her?

Nope.

I was going to check one of my e-mail accounts and came across an article¹ on Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s relationship affecting viewership and the economic impact. This got me thinking. What is making her such an influence other than the amplification by the media?

A Story

What makes great movies great? If they are truly great, they have action for the males and romance for the females. My favorite movie is Braveheart, and this is a story of leadership, adventure, fighting . . . and love. Maybe that is why my wife doesn’t mind watching it.

People are drawn to stories. Some of the greatest communicators realize this and use stories to drive their points home. Whether someone is a Chiefs/Kelce fan or a “Swifty” they are getting caught up in the story and intrigued by it.

What story or adventure are you inviting your team into as a leader? This story is a source of great influence and purpose for people and even better when your people are the heroes of the story . . . not you as the leader.

A Pressure

The Kelce brothers have a successful podcast and have been part of Super Bowl winning teams. Taylor Swift has a large following. These facts impact their ability to create influence by harnessing two influence tools.

One of the tools of influence Dr. Robert Cialdini references in his book Influence² is likeability. Many factors go into likeability such as appearance and similarity, but the bottom line is people follow those they like. In their book Influencer³ Grenny, Patterson, et al. discuss the power of social influence and how respect and connection are required to create a sense of peer pressure.

The second factor of the Swift influence is people like both her and Travis. Both also have created communities where people feel connected to them. People respect them because of their success.

All these are factors every leader can use ethically. When you connect with those you lead and exemplify getting results apart from your position people begin to like you, and word spreads you are a leader to listen to. Over time, just like Travis and Taylor people have followed them because of the influence of others.

A System

Grenny and his colleagues explain that to create change, people must create systems and processes to support vital behaviors. There is genuine, but strategic influence in this story we are seeing. People are interested in the story, but as alluded to in the article I read to trigger this post, systems and processes within media and possibly elsewhere amplify the influence. This is not about whether it is right or wrong, but if we observe we can see that an intentional process is in place to keep us aware of their relationship because of the momentum it creates for the NFL, viewership, and other aspects referenced in the article.

As a leader, our biggest system is the culture of our organization. Culture will either promote or hinder your influence. The “Swifty” culture has amplified the NFL to people who rarely pay attention. Leaders can create a culture that promotes the direction they are leading the team, or the culture can detract from where they are trying to lead.

Take a minute and look at your vision. What is the story you are telling? How is it engaging your team or even attracting people to you or is it not? What could you do to ethically leverage peer pressure and create systems to increase your influence? Are you unclear on the story you are trying to tell and your vision? Contact me for a strategic thinking partner session to help you think into your vision and how you can inspire others to be more committed to where you are leading them. Lead Well.

“Taylor Swift helped boost ratings, but her influence extends far beyond the league”, https://finance.yahoo.com/news/taylor-swift-helped-boost-nfl-ratings-but-her-power-extends-far-beyond-the-league-180303062.html retrieved 10/5/23
Cialdini, Robert. Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. Harpers Collins: NY, 2007.
Grenny, J., Patterson, K., Maxfield, D., McMillan, R., Switzler, A. Influencer: The Power to Change Anything. McGraw Hill: NY, 2008

May

2018

How My Big Mouth Taught Me the Importance Of Specific Leadership Skills

Note: This first appeared here as a part of The John Maxwell Team Leading Edge Blog

“If you show people how much you care and ask questions in a nonthreatening way, you’ll be amazed by how much they’ll tell you.” John C. Maxwell Becoming a Person of Influence

Confession: I am a very opinionated person. I have an amazing wife who has helped me learn not to be as much of a fool by always sharing my opinions. Because I tend to share my opinions freely it can get me in a bit of trouble from time to time.

As a coach with a sports team I once had a situation where one of the players was absent from a practice session. I did not know whether or not they were excused and out of frustration I made the comment that this individual seems to miss a lot. I thought I was sharing an innocent observation, but in reality I created an unnecessary problem because my comment unintentionally cast doubt about the player’s commitment.

About a week later I met with another leader connected to this team and we talked about the situation. In reality I did little talking. My job was to listen and understand the situation from the other leader’s perspective and together we move forward. I wanted that leader to know I desired to assist in helping the team reach its ultimate goals and not create any problems to make the goals more difficult to accomplish. I apologized where appropriate and asked questions so I could understand how to prevent a similar future situation.

As I reflected on this situation a few leadership lessons arose. These lessons I would suggest are also skills we all can develop to become better leaders.

Think before speaking – I know this is not earth shattering and as a child if you are like me you may have heard this thousands of times. Had I paused and thought before I shared my opinion I probably would have saved myself a week worth of stress.

Maybe the following acrostic will help you as it has helped me. I am not sure where I first heard it but recently I have seen it regularly on the back of a shirt.

T – Is it True?

H – Is it Helpful?

I – Is it Inspiring?

N – Is it Necessary?

K – Is it Kind?

Listen don’t just hear – I have been married a little while and I realize sometimes I am great at hearing which some would call “selective listening.” I hear what I want, but may not truly absorb what is being said. From this situation I knew I had to listen to the team’s leader and make sure that leader knew I understood what was being said. I could go more in depth on levels of listening, but that will have to be saved for another time.
Ask Good Questions – In order to listen well and clearly understand the other leader’s perspective, I had to ask good questions and gain great clarity. A great leader listens more than he or she speaks. A leader will take time to figure out the right questions to ask and then listen and learn before making an actionable decision.
Change – If I truly listened in my conversation and learned what behavior or action needed attention then I will modify it. This is the most difficult skill at times especially if the change is not your idea. Change or adaptability, though is how we grow and become more effective leaders.

So how do you develop these skills? First, take John’s advice from the quote at the beginning and take time to let people know you care and ask questions. Next, be humble enough to be aware of the need to grow. After that, take the first step that you need to improve. Just like any other skill it will take time for you and me, but in the end our influence and leadership will grow tremendously.

Nov

2017

Who Do You Allow to Influence You?

The rule of 5. The Law of the Inner Circle as leadership expert John Maxwell calls it in his book The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. Your personal executive team. You can call it many different things, but this group of people will either help or hinder your personal and professional momentum.

The rule of 5. I have heard it said that the five people closest to us most impact the person we become. I have often interacted with youth who have recently made a poor decision that landed them in trouble. In some situations I have known the people they are friends with. I share with them this principle. If they are surrounding themselves with people who are a negative influence and encourage poor choices, then they need to change who those five closest people are.

The Law of the Inner Circle. Who do you let closest to you? Are they people who encourage you toward your dream? Are they positive and encouraging or do they either actively or passively discourage you in your pursuit of great goals? Maybe they are simply apathetic and neither encourage nor discourage you. We live in a discouraging world often times already so we must surround ourselves with people who encourage and empower us toward our goals.

Your personal executive team. Are there people in your life who will speak the truth when you need to hear it in a loving manner? One of the critical mistakes we make as people is not listening to what we don’t want to hear. I am fortunate to be married to a wonderful wife who is very different from me. Now understand I do not initially take criticism or the truth well. I get a bit defensive and need time to process and evaluate what someone has told me. When I mess up I often know it, but need to reflect and learn from the mistake before I talk about it more. I must have not only my wife, but other people in my life to hold me accountable, help me see life from a different perspective and bounce ideas off of.

Organically I create this through who I seek out for advice. Do I seek out people who only tell me what I want to hear or who are at the same stage of life as me? I try and seek out individuals further along in the journey and can speak truth whether I want to hear it or not. Another way we can develop a strong inner circle are through intentional groups or individual relationships. Groups such as masterminds where people come together to interact over similar material and learn both from the material and one another or hiring a coach to help you think into your life and leadership.

So where are you at? Do the people in your life want to grow and reach their full potential or stay safe and comfortable? The type of people we allow closest to us will most impact the person we become so who do you want near you? Think of who you need to add and who you may need to limit in your life and make the necessary adjustments so you can grow your influence as a leader.

Jan

2017

Signs You Are a Leader

For much of my working life I have filled the role of a coach, but not a sport coach. My role has been to get athletes to do what they do not necessarily intrinsically want to do: strength train and condition in the off-season. This requires certain coaching skills to help the individual find their personal purpose.

In that position you have only as much “power” as the sport coach passes along to you. For example, if a player does not work hard but still gets to play this could present a greater motivational challenge. On the other hand, if I knew the coach would not play an athlete for poor performance in the weight room then I had more “tools” to use with the athlete.

Maybe you are in a position where you have little power. Does that mean you are not a leader? On the other hand, maybe you run the company, department, team, etc. Does that mean you are a leader? When I googled the definition of leadership it said 1. the action of leading a group of people or an organization or 2. the state or position of being a leader.¹ These are not very helpful definitions to know if you are a leader. At the end of the synonym list was one word which didn’t relate to power, supremacy, control, etc. . . . INFLUENCE.

Leadership expert John Maxwell regularly states “leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less.”² Look at the following list and decide if you are a leader:

You negotiate with people to help them reach a desired goal. (Hmmm, my wife does this constantly at meal time with our children.)
You try and persuade people to go somewhere you want to go. (That sounds like what I do when I want to eat at a specific restaurant.)
You can perform certain skills in a manner that others seek out your help. Maybe you can build with wood and your friends seek you out for help or you are a good cook or have a knack for certain business skills such as marketing.
When you are in a group and share your thoughts, people quiet down and listen.
People seek out your advice when they have important decisions to make.
People are drawn to you because you make good choices and have great character.

Maybe you look at that list, which is not exhaustive, and think “I don’t meet all those criteria so I am not a leader.” That is simply not true. A leader is a person who influences another in some manner. If you are a parent of one child, have one client, are in a relationship with any person you have the ability to influence and therefore the opportunity to lead.

What will you do with this opportunity? Do you need to grow as a leader? Pick one of the above areas and ask how can I grow in this area and add value to those around me? Start there and you are on the way to becoming a better leader. Leaders are learners. Keep learning, keep growing and see what great dreams you can fulfill.

https://www.google.com/#q=leadership+definition
Maxwell, John C. The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership.