Leadership

Jun

2018

Leading in Fog

“I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust.”

Mother Teresa

I was washing the dishes and listening to a talk that applied to business when the person being interviewed stated the above quote. I paused the lesson and had to reflect. I am a recovering perfectionist and this hurts me when it comes to leading others into action.

As a child I never had to have clarity. I’m sure if I asked my mom I didn’t sit on the floor thinking of all the possible consequences of trying to stand up and take my first step. I’m pretty sure I tried, failed, got up again and kept trying until eventually as I followed the process I got it and am now an expert at walking. The only clarity I had was that I wanted to move faster and probably I figured the “big people” use two feet so maybe I should. I would guess I also trusted my parents wouldn’t let me get hurt or I learned the fall wasn’t too bad and that built my trust.

What happened?

It seems as we get older we trust less because we want to control everything, but can we really control everything? Being in control and having complete clarity and control is great leadership, right? Maybe our need to control and have perfect clarity holds us back. Here are three ideas that can help us lead others better even when the picture is not perfectly clear.

Have a plan. When we were toddlers we had a plan . . . take one step and then try to take the next. That was about as clear as it probably got in our small brains. As leaders we must have a plan and a sound one that makes reasonable sense and maybe has been proven if what we are trying to lead has been done by others. BUT . . . do we hesitate because the plan isn’t perfect or mistake–proof? As one of my mentors Paul Martinelli who is president of the John Maxwell Team says: a plan could just be one step.
Let Go. Control . . . that could be a whole post in itself. As leaders we like to be in control (or at least feel like it). In our need to have control I wonder are we failing to trust? Trust others, trust our instincts, or trust that if we go to a meeting where we do not know anyone there will be a positive outcome. In letting go of our desire to control we are able to free ourselves to lead in our strengths as well as empower others to do the same.
Trust. Who do we trust in? Is the source of our trust worthy of it? When I was in college I saw a quote on a professor’s desk: “To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.” George McDonald. As a leader when we trust someone else we are truly empowering them. Entrusting another person will enable them and you to have greater clarity of purpose and direction.

What about you? Do you hesitate to act until you have a perfect plan or are you willing to move into action and even enable those you lead to move into action so that clarity will come? What do you need to let go of in your leadership at work or home today or simply trust, move and believe clarity will come? Lead well.

Jun

2018

A Father’s Leadership

Dad.

For some this word evokes positive emotions and great memories. For some it evokes frustration and anger. For some it evokes sadness. For some nothing or a myriad of other emotions I have not mentioned. For me it evokes two emotions: respect and fear.

Respect for my own father who modeled how to work hard, but not allow his work to be all consuming as he remained involved in our lives. He continues to demonstrate that as a grandfather by investing in his grandsons . . . or maybe spoiling them . . . I’ll get back to you on that. He also modeled humility in that he would and still does apologize when he makes a mistake either with my mom or with my brother or I as we were growing up.

Fear. Not of my father other than the healthy fear. My fear is the reality that I have three young boys looking at me and I am their model of what it means to be a man. I would be a liar if I didn’t tell you that scares me to death. I know I will give them “issues,” but I hope they see in me a man of faith who lives his life in a way that aligns with what he says. I hope they see a man of courage and a man who loves unconditionally.

Those are my two emotions, but let me share with you some principles of leadership for fathers at home that help me. These principles come from a book I read many years ago by a former Green Beret Stu Weber called Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart. These four pillars are what every dad and man struggles to keep in balance as they easily tip to one side or another. As we strive to stay in the center we will be on a path of effective leadership of ourselves and those we interact with.

King. When we lead as a king we balance the temptation to either be passive or be controlling. These tensions pull at us constantly. I think of when my children are fighting I either want to yell at them or ignore it, and hope it goes away. If I function as a king I will seek to serve them in the moment by listening, but not solving their problem for them.
Warrior. When we lead as a warrior we balance the temptation to either run away from conflict or try to win at all costs often as a bully. The best example is when there is a disagreement with my spouse I feel both sides rise up pulling at me. When I am functioning as a centered warrior I sit with my wife, listen, and work with her to find a solution that is best for both of us and our marriage. I fight for our marriage in these moments.
Mentor. The two extremes Weber provides here are “dunce” vs. “know-it-all.” When we function as wise mentors we demonstrate transparent humility. If you have ever had a good teacher he or she knew a lot, but had them humility to recognize he or she did not know it all. This type of teacher would come alongside you patiently guiding you to the answer while suggesting what has worked, but allowing you to find your own approach if there was not just one to follow.
Friend. This is a balanced pillar when we are not trying to be our child’s best friend or completely ignoring him or her. When I function well as a friend I am connecting and talking about what matters to my son and his world, not about me and my problems.

These four principles guide me in attempting to be the best father possible. Not only do I strive to keep each pillar centered, but I also must not focus on one pillar too much such as just trying to be a friend. Our roof does not stay on with only three walls so are we as men not leading well if we fail to pay attention to each pillar.

What pillar in your life is out of alignment? What is one thing you can do today to realign? To lead well at home as a dad is a challenge, but a battle worth fighting. Let me know if I can help and in the meantime, lead well dads.

Jun

2018

What I learned from a Leader in Education

I sat in the classroom of a man who has fulfilled multiple roles in education. He recently allowed me to lead his classes through an experience of The Leadership Game, and he has also served as an administrative leader, sport coach, and leads this school’s Students in Action club within the school that helps students grow as leaders through engaging in public service projects.

As I sat there I had one question: what would you say are three keys to leadership? At first he gave a stock answer which I found to be excellent: value stakeholders, engage your people, and don’t micromanage. That took about one minute and then we had a more robust conversation on his simplified, yet profound answer to the question.

Relationships – This is the foundation for effective leadership. A leader may have a laid back style or may be very rigid and structured, but these are styles. The important principle is that the leader is a person who creates value for those he or she leads. Mr. Torres explained that a good leader will make sure the individuals he or she leads know they are cared about personally and the relationship is not purely transactional. For example, is the only interaction between student and teacher about getting work done or is there interaction around other interests in the student’s life? The stronger the relationship the more open and effective communication will be.
Clear Vision – Students in Action promotes the idea of thinking big to change the world. As we talked Mr. Torres discussed how this common language helps them maintain a clear vision on what they are attempting to accomplish. This clear vision has played out another way in his leadership through his involvement in theatrical productions. Each year he knows what the ultimate result will look like for his production, but he may emphasize various parts. For example if he doesn’t have superior talent or singing skills within his cast then the scenery will be emphasized to highlight that strength. He will look for where the cast is strong and feature that in alignment with the vision for the performance.
Motivation – As we talked, this topic came out in connection to the previous two concepts, but I find it deserves individual attention. I asked him to explain what he means by motivation. One of the first concepts he emphasized was the importance of listening. This skill is critical to knowing how to motivate those you lead because it helps you figure out where they want to go and how to get them there. Another key to motivating those he leads is helping resource them so they can build their skills and have small successes. These successes are celebrated and lead to increased confidence.

Many other great concepts came out of our time together, but one idea he shared captures his ideas of leadership in a succinct way. Does the leader ask “what do you want?” and want the best for you and help you develop as a person. This is the type of leader who gets clarity on the other person’s vision, values relationships, and will know how to motivate those he or she leads.

What about you? How are you doing in these areas at work and home? If you are a task-minded person do you need to consciously slow down to know the people around you? Do you need greater clarity on your vision or maybe listen better so you can motivate more effectively? Whatever the first step in your leadership growth is today may I encourage you to take it so you can be more effective both at work and home? Continue to lead well at work and home.

May

2018

Three Leadership Lessons from an Air Force Chief Master Sergeant

I was sitting in my office trying to cool off from mowing two lawns in ninety plus degree heat and my friend and fellow John Maxwell Team member Mike Lightner was sitting on his porch eating lunch in about sixty five degree temperatures in beautiful Alaska.

Mike served our country for thirty years in the Air Force. He joined as early as possible and rose through the ranks to become one of the top one percent of those enlisted in the Air Force by becoming Chief Master Sergeant. During his time in service he also had the opportunity to work at the Pentagon. Since retiring he formed a business called Dare2Dream Leadership Development where he helps develop leaders. My reason for talking with him on this day was to learn from his military experience three leadership principles he found essential to success.

As we started the conversation I was slightly embarrassed that I had not read the book he wrote on what he was going to share with me, but he was gracious to me since we have been friends for a little while. The following three principles are what he found through his years in the military service to be foundational to effective leadership.

Boldness – Many times in organizations, teams, or other groups we would rather blend in and not stand out, but Lightner suggests as leaders we must stand out above everybody else and not be afraid to stand up for what we believe. Often this will mean taking risks when others will not. What enables a leader to be bold is the conviction that he or she knows what is going to be done is right. This confidence gives leaders boldness.
Strength – When he said this I had to get clarity on how this was different from leading bold and Lightner helped me understand being strong is the ability to take a position and stand by it. Often a leader may need to make a decision quick with less than the ideal amount of information and this strength helps him or her stand by the decision as well as humility. A strong leader will make a decision, monitor the decision, and when necessary admit a mistake in the decision-making process and change. This humility and willingness to change prevents analysis paralysis which in the military can cost lives.
Lead Well – I was confused on this until Mike explained this is remembering that every decision you make impacts people. For example, if an organization cuts the training of the people within the organization to reduce cost and then later cuts people the ultimate cost is a smaller, less trained workforce that ultimately leads to poorer quality and results. At the core of this principle is the question: how is this going to affect the people?

Mike understands leadership and the need to make effective, courageous decisions in a decisive manner and so do you, but maybe you need to grow in one of these areas. How bold are you being? Do you stand by your decisions? Do you consider the impact of your decisions on people? Maybe you need help thinking into your leadership results like both Mike and I help people do. Pick one of the three of these and lead like a soldier this week at work and at home. And for those of you who have served and continue to serve our country . . . THANK YOU!

May

2018

How My Big Mouth Taught Me the Importance Of Specific Leadership Skills

Note: This first appeared here as a part of The John Maxwell Team Leading Edge Blog

“If you show people how much you care and ask questions in a nonthreatening way, you’ll be amazed by how much they’ll tell you.” John C. Maxwell Becoming a Person of Influence

Confession: I am a very opinionated person. I have an amazing wife who has helped me learn not to be as much of a fool by always sharing my opinions. Because I tend to share my opinions freely it can get me in a bit of trouble from time to time.

As a coach with a sports team I once had a situation where one of the players was absent from a practice session. I did not know whether or not they were excused and out of frustration I made the comment that this individual seems to miss a lot. I thought I was sharing an innocent observation, but in reality I created an unnecessary problem because my comment unintentionally cast doubt about the player’s commitment.

About a week later I met with another leader connected to this team and we talked about the situation. In reality I did little talking. My job was to listen and understand the situation from the other leader’s perspective and together we move forward. I wanted that leader to know I desired to assist in helping the team reach its ultimate goals and not create any problems to make the goals more difficult to accomplish. I apologized where appropriate and asked questions so I could understand how to prevent a similar future situation.

As I reflected on this situation a few leadership lessons arose. These lessons I would suggest are also skills we all can develop to become better leaders.

Think before speaking – I know this is not earth shattering and as a child if you are like me you may have heard this thousands of times. Had I paused and thought before I shared my opinion I probably would have saved myself a week worth of stress.

Maybe the following acrostic will help you as it has helped me. I am not sure where I first heard it but recently I have seen it regularly on the back of a shirt.

T – Is it True?

H – Is it Helpful?

I – Is it Inspiring?

N – Is it Necessary?

K – Is it Kind?

Listen don’t just hear – I have been married a little while and I realize sometimes I am great at hearing which some would call “selective listening.” I hear what I want, but may not truly absorb what is being said. From this situation I knew I had to listen to the team’s leader and make sure that leader knew I understood what was being said. I could go more in depth on levels of listening, but that will have to be saved for another time.
Ask Good Questions – In order to listen well and clearly understand the other leader’s perspective, I had to ask good questions and gain great clarity. A great leader listens more than he or she speaks. A leader will take time to figure out the right questions to ask and then listen and learn before making an actionable decision.
Change – If I truly listened in my conversation and learned what behavior or action needed attention then I will modify it. This is the most difficult skill at times especially if the change is not your idea. Change or adaptability, though is how we grow and become more effective leaders.

So how do you develop these skills? First, take John’s advice from the quote at the beginning and take time to let people know you care and ask questions. Next, be humble enough to be aware of the need to grow. After that, take the first step that you need to improve. Just like any other skill it will take time for you and me, but in the end our influence and leadership will grow tremendously.

May

2018

Three Leadership Principles From Mom

The evil eye. That was what my brother and I called it in our house. It was “the look” we got from mom when we knew we had done something wrong. In some cases we got that look when we were about to get something wrong. The look was so intimidating it brought nightmares at times.

The calm voice. That was the person we saw when we were in over our heads with frustration and just needed to vent. Little did I realize years ago what a great leader my mom was, but as I look back I see a few principles we can all learn about leadership from my mom, and who knows, maybe your mom as well.

Love – This is where all good leadership starts. A good leader cares about those he or she leads. This is demonstrated in various ways. Psychologist Gary Chapman is known for five ways people usually demonstrate love: Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving gifts, and Physical Touch. An entire post could be written about these five love languages especially since Chapman has written multiple books on the topic. All of these can be applied in our leadership at work or at home. Mom always knew which I needed, and as a leader when we can implement Chapman’s ideas with those we lead so they will feel value, appreciation and perform at a much higher level.
Firm and Clear Boundaries – Remember I told you about the “evil eye”? That was mom’s quick way of setting a boundary for us ornery boys. As leaders those we lead need to know what the expectations are and the lines they cannot cross. When we were kids we had a playground at school and often it had a fence. We knew we could go anywhere inside the fence and have freedom to use our skills and abilities freely. Outside the fence we would endanger ourselves. As leaders we set boundaries that will bring clarity to what we want accomplished. One caution, make sure the boundaries do not stifle the creativity of those you lead. A fine line exists between healthy boundaries and micromanagement . . . but that discussion is for another day.
Consistency – In my home, mom was always there. She demonstrated the labor of love in making our lunches for school every day. She had breakfast prepared for us in the morning and she was there to listen to us after we got home from school or as she drove us home from our extra-curricular activities. All of this demonstrated consistency. We knew she was there and could count on her. As leaders when we are consistent in our availability, communication, responses to challenges and more, those we lead have confidence in us and trust us which creates a healthier work environment.

What about you? As a leader at work and home which of these areas do you need to improve on? Pick one of these and take one step further in your growth as a leader at work and home. Maybe there is another principle you would draw from your mom’s leadership, share it in the comments section below. In the meantime lead well at work and home.