MINDSET

Positive Intelligence to Win the Mental Battle

I was talking on the phone with a friend of mine one day.  We were discussing the mental challenges of running a business.  He mentioned a book to me that introduced a concept called positive intelligence.

In his book Positive Intelligence Shirzad Chamine gives language to the battle many of us face as we try and pursue a goal or vision.  Have you ever seen or heard of the movie Gremlins?  This cute, cuddly pet turns into a green monster when you add water and/or feed it after midnight.  This can be the voice in our head.

Chamine calls one the Sage and the other the Saboteur.  I don’t have the time here to go into depth on all he defines with this, but I want to highlight a few ideas that may help us grow our positive intelligence.

Be Aware

Thoughts come into our mind constantly.  My favorite book says to “take every thought captive”.  When the thought comes to our mind do we simply accept it or do we pause to evaluate it and determine if that thought is worth dwelling on?  Too often we can take a thought and accept it as true no matter what.  In these situations we may unknowingly empower what Chamine calls “the judge.”

Shift

Chamine suggests we become curious and explore what causes the thought to come into our awareness.  Once we identify the thought, we must not agree with it when it is not true.  In addition, we need to replace it with truth.

For example, a sales conversation does not go the way we desire and we think, “I am a horrible salesperson.”  That is not true and we must replace that with learning from the mistakes we may have made and reinforcing what is true.  Shift to focus on the times we’ve had success and what we have done right instead of what one of the “saboteurs” are telling us.

Reinforce

A war is rarely won in a single battle.  There may be a defining battle, but many battles led to that one.  In order to successfully win the battles against our mind’s saboteurs we must reinforce truth.  That could be through the books we read, what we watch, and the people we interact with.  Find a community and resources that will help you reinforce the truth instead of believing the lies.

I have asked or listened to others as they have asked my mentors about this mental battle.  Unfortunately, it does not go away.  The battle is real, but winnable.  We must fight every day with truth.  I am a person of faith, and if you are not you can ignore this idea, so for me having the ability to tap into a source (God) bigger than me helps me maintain peace and perspective amidst the battles.

What is one way you can squash the “gremlin” and replace it with truth today?  Lead well!

©2019 Wheeler Coaching, All Rights Reserved

Posted by Randy Wheeler in Lead Yourself

How Are You at Leading Yourself?

“A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts.”  James Allen

Self-leadership.  We all have to do it.  Whether you lead at the highest level, own your own business or participate in an organization in various roles without a formal position of leadership.  Even when we are not at work we have to do this.  How are you doing in this area?

Each morning I wake up, somedays before the alarm goes off, but often shocked into reality by music blaring out of my alarm.  Then what . . . do I snooze?  Do I hop out of bed excited by a new day of adventure?  Do I lay there thinking of all I have to do that day?  Do I start worrying about the million things out of my control?

It depends.

One thing is certain, my mind is going and the battle is raging.  What will be my first thought?  After that will I feed it so it grows or dismiss it?

It depends.

For years I was a strength and conditioning coach.  My job each day was to get athletes to do what they naturally did not want to do . . . work hard on something they may not have seen the benefit in so they could be better at what they enjoyed . . . their sport.

Mindset is key.  Carol Dweck in her research on this topic wrote a book about this topic.  She highlights two types of mindset:

Fixed

This mindset believes this is how I will always be and I can never change . . . these are the cards dealt to me.

Growth

A person with this perspective thinks I can change and evolve into a different person than I am today.

Both are rooted in our thoughts which directly impact our outcomes.  Anyone who has spent time selling an idea, a product, or a service knows this is true.  Whether we have doubt or confidence in what we are selling others will sense it.

Let me suggest a few ideas on how to get our mind set in a direction for success each day.

Gratitude

When I wake up each day even though I would rather lay back down I try to think of at least one thing I am grateful for.  That may be “thank you for this new day.”  Starting the day with thanks and gratitude will help set our attitude in the right direction.

Set the Agenda Beforehand

I find that if I set my agenda for the day, week, etc. the night before I am not waking up anxious about that day.  By writing it down, the tasks and goals are out of my mind and I can reference them when work time begins.

Think Time

Each day as I eat breakfast I read and journal.  These may not be habits that work for you, but this is a great way for me to dump yesterday’s garbage and some of today’s poor thinking.  I read something that will inspire me to live for more than just myself.  For me that is the Bible, but for you it may be something as simple as a quote of the day on a tear off calendar.  Taking time to clear my mind of the garbage and fill it with truth is critical to helping me have the right mindset.

This only touches the surface of this issue and in later posts I will dig deeper because as the quote at the top says, our thinking determines our character which impacts our results.  Which of the three ideas can you implement to help your self-leadership?  Need someone to help you think into your results?  Contact me.  In the meantime, lead well at work and home.

© 2019 Wheeler Coaching, All Rights Reserved

Posted by Randy Wheeler in Lead Yourself

Are You Limiting Your Potential?

 

 

Have you ever looked at a lamp and thought how it relates to your life?  Strange question, I know.  That is what I thought when I first learned this concept.  Think of it this way.  The outlet is your personal potential . . . which is unlimited.  The lamp is us and the light bulb is our output, what we give to the world.

Now obviously we each have different wattage in our light bulb.  Some of us are 100 watt and some of us are 40 watt . . . but we can always grow.  What provides the light?  Is it the lamp?  Kind of.  The lamp only provides light when it plugs into the source of energy . . . the outlet.  What keeps us from plugging in to our potential?  Our limiting beliefs.

NO LIMITS

Limiting beliefs are like walls in our lives.  Imagine standing in front of a large mountain . . . you pick the mountain.  It looks like there will be an awesome view when you get to the top, but the climb is daunting.  In this instant our limiting beliefs about our ability to climb the mountain kick in.  Let me provide a few limiting beliefs I experience in my life.

Fear

How am I going to do this? I have never done this before so what makes me think I can do it now?  I am not qualified?   These are all fear-based questions.  How do I cure it?  Author Maxwell Maltz suggests in his book The New Psycho-Cybenetics that when we constantly expose ourselves to the object of our fear it will immunize us against that fear.  So are you afraid to speak in front of people, well start doing it with small groups and gradually the fear will dissipate until you can reach your dream of speaking in front of thousands.

Control

I am a recovering perfectionist and struggling control-freak. This has a few plus sides . . . maybe (my wife would probably argue with me on that).  I limit myself because big dreams require teams and if I have to control everything I will not lead well and allow team members to flourish.  This control freak tendency also makes me want to know every detail of the plan and make sure it goes right.  How do I grow in this?  I must walk through life one step of faith at a time and trust even when things don’t go the way I want, they will work out to get me where I need to be.

“I can’t”

Often I am tempted to quit because the mountain seems too big and I can’t even see the top of it. What voice will I listen to?  The one the holds the vision and says “press on” or the one that says “quit, it isn’t worth it.”

DON’T QUIT

Author Napoleon Hill in his classic book Think and Grow Rich said:   “Thomas Edison dreamed of a lamp that could be operated by electricity.  Despite more than 10,000 failures, he stood by that dream until he made it a physical reality.  Practical dreamers do not quit!”

What is the mountain you want to climb?  Are you plugged in so you can grow to your full potential and shine as bright as possible?  Are you plugged into the right source?  Which of these limiting beliefs resonate with you?  Face it head on and become the person you were created to be.  Need help breaking some of those limiting beliefs?  Contact me for a complimentary coaching session so I can help you reach your potential.

©2018 Wheeler Coaching, All Rights Reserved

Posted by Randy Wheeler in Lead Yourself

How Do You See Others?

Have you ever watched people when you were at the airport?  Do you create a story in your mind about the people you watch?

I do at times.

Once I was in the airport waiting for my baggage and as I looked across the carousel I saw this couple.  They seemed like a happy couple who had a good marriage, but then I caught myself.  I started thinking all these negative and judgmental thoughts about either one or both of them.

That is crazy!  Why did I go down that road?

I have heard the idea from leadership expert John Maxwell:  put a ten on everybody.  If I rated them as a ten would I even go down a road of judgement?  Wouldn’t I instead appreciate them and look for the good in them?

As leaders we have to be aware of how we think about others whether a prospective customer, a present client, or our fellow employees.  How we think impacts our actions.  If I focus only on the negative attributes then my behavior will reflect that and vice-a-versa.

When I reflected on that experience, I thought of three reasons why I engage in judgement.  These same three concepts can negatively impact how we lead and influence those around us.

  1. Jealousy.  I look at the gifts others have or how they appear to have all that I want and get jealous.  At times I create a story in my mind of how they got where I think they are and even get frustrated.  Here is the reality.  I don’t know the whole story.  If I look at someone I do not know who appears to have a lifestyle I desire what I see may not be the whole reality.  I don’t know their true financial picture or the health of their relationships.  There is always more to the story and I must tame jealousy or it will lead me down a path of treating others in a way they do not deserve to be treated.
  2. Self-righteousness.  On the other side of jealousy I can create a story in my mind making me look better than those around me.  When I think “I would never . . . “ I am acting superior than others.  This attitude prevents us from connecting with others.  When we fail to connect we fail to have the ability to effectively lead and influence.  Influence and therefore true leadership cannot occur without connection.
  3. Insecurity.  When we first get a leadership position, we may secretly feel insecure or we demonstrate false confidence.  This insecurity creates an environment for creating stories in our minds about what other people think of us.  We become consumed with ourselves and fail to serve and lead those around us.  As we learn to focus on others and meet their needs more than worry about what they think of us we become leaders others want to follow.

What about you?  Do you ever create stories like me?  If not, share with me your secret to managing your mindset.  If so tune into the jealous, self-righteous, and insecure thoughts and replace them with the opposite.  You are valuable and no one is like you.  You have a unique set of skills and talents you bring to the world.  Use them to add value to others and make a difference.  Lead well.

© 2018 Wheeler Coaching Systems, All Rights Reserved

 

Posted by Randy Wheeler in Lead Others

Three Ways to Help Your Mindset as a Leader

   “A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts.”  James Allen

Self-leadership.  We all have to do it.  Whether you lead at the highest level, own your own business or participate in an organization in various roles without a formal position of leadership.  Even when we are not at work we have to do this.  How are you doing in this area?

Each morning I wake up, somedays before the alarm goes off, but often shocked into reality by music blaring out of my alarm.  Then what . . . do I snooze?  Do I hop out of bed excited by a new day of adventure?  Do I lay there thinking of all I have to do that day?  Do I start worrying about the million things out of my control?

It depends.

One thing is certain, my mind is going and the battle is raging.  What will be my first thought?  After that will I feed it so it grows or dismiss it?

It depends.

For years I fulfilled a role as a strength and conditioning coach.  My job each day was to get athletes to do what they naturally did not want to do . . . work hard on something they may not have seen the benefit in so they could be better at what they enjoyed . . . their sport.

Mindset is key.  Carol Dweck in her research on this topic wrote a book about this topic.  She highlights two types of mindset:  growth and fixed.

Fixed – this is how I will always be and I can never change . . . these are the cards dealt to me.

Growth – I can change and evolve into a different person than I am today.

Both are rooted in our thoughts which directly impact our outcomes.  Anyone who has spent time selling anything whether that is an idea, a product, or a service knows this is true.  Whether we have doubt or confidence in what we are selling others will sense it.

Let me suggest a few ideas on how to get our mind set in a direction for success each day.

  1. Gratitude.  When I wake up each day even though I would rather lay back down I try to think of at least one thing I am grateful for.  That may be “thank you for this new day.”  Starting the day with thanks and gratitude will help set our attitude in the right direction.
  2. Set the Agenda Beforehand.  I find that if I set my agenda for the day, week, etc. the night before I am not waking up anxious about that day.  By writing it down the tasks and goals are out of my mind and I can reference them when work time begins.
  3. Think Time.  Each day as I eat breakfast I read and journal.  These may not be habits that work for you, but this is a great way for me to dump yesterday’s garbage and some of today’s poor thinking.  I read something that will inspire me to live for more than just myself.  For me that is the Bible, but for you it may be something as simple as a quote of the day on a tear off calendar.  Taking time to clear my mind of the garbage and fill it with truth is critical to helping me have the right mindset.

This only touches the surface of this issue and in later posts I will dig deeper because as the quote at the top says, our thinking determines our character which impacts our results.  Which of the three ideas can you implement to help your self-leadership?  Need someone to help you think into your results?  Contact me.  In the meantime, lead well at work and home.

© 2018 Wheeler Coaching Systems, All Rights Reserved

Posted by Randy Wheeler in Lead Yourself

Being Mentally Tough

Maybe you have heard the phrase “be tough” as a child or even as an adult.  What comes to mind when you hear this word?  Is it some braggadocios, loud-mouthed individual who listens to no one?  Maybe it is the silent, stoic, emotionless individual with a cowboy hat just for effect.  Maybe you see an unflappable individual amidst emergency such as a firefighter urgently, yet calmly racing to fight a fire.

This concept is discussed in homes, at work, and definitely in the sport arena.  Former Duke basketball athlete Jay Bilas wrote an entire book entitled Toughness.  The book is full of concepts related to the idea of toughness as it relates to trust, preparation, communication, commitment and more.  His legendary coach said the following about toughness:

“We are not born tough,” Kryzewski said.  “We may be born into a great family situation, or a difficult family situation that forces or conditions you to be tough, but we aren’t born that way.  Toughness comes from how you handle your experiences, what you learn from them, and how you are guided through them by others in your life.”1 p.5

Coach K suggests that toughness comes out of how we respond to our situations and how we learn from them.

Toughness appears to be a mindset we develop over time as we learn through the challenges of life.

This concept has been studied on a more objective level.  Angela Duckworth spent years both in management consulting and education.  After years teaching seventh graders math, she went to graduate school to study who is successful and why.  In her book Grit she discusses what she found which seems to agree with Coach K on some level.  She found a “gritty” person is someone who has a combination of passion and perseverance.  IQ did not determine nor a person’s upbringing or background as she studied Scripp’s Spelling Bee participants, West Point students, and at-risk youth she had worked with.

a “gritty” person is someone who has a combination of passion and perseverance.

In her TED talk2 in April 2013 she says in order to build grit one must have a growth mindset.  This is an approach to experiences and life similar to what Coach K talked about above.  When challenges come, what will you learn from them?

As a leader, how do we grow in grit?  Similar to how one grows a muscle. . . get uncomfortable.  Put yourself in situations that force you to exercise perseverance.  Surround yourself with people who have similar passion, but think differently and will stretch your thinking.  Bring people in your life who will help you process your challenges and learn from them such as a coach or mentor.  Continue to pursue your vision with great passion and never give up just because the road gets bumpy.  As a friend of mine once told me about relationships, “enter the mess.”  When we enter the mess and stay we will grow in toughness and as a person.

What do you need to do to become tougher at home and/or at work?

© 2018 Wheeler Coaching Systems, All Rights Reserved

 

  1. Bilas, Jay. Toughness.  Penguin, New York.  2013.
  2. https://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_grit_the_power_of_passion_and_perseverance?language=en accessed Oct. 11, 2016
Posted by Randy Wheeler in Lead Yourself