MINDSET

Aug

2018

Golf and Leadership

At the end of my conference last week I participated in a golf and learn experience. I hop in the golf cart awaiting the start of the first golf scramble I have ever participated in. My cart partner introduces himself and shares about his experience as a golfer.

He plays three times a week.

Me, I am lucky to play three times a year. On one hand I was glad because at least we would have a good ball to play every time and a better chance to win. . . . my competitive side. On the other hand, my fragile ego was worried about looking like a fool because I play poorly.

We played nine holes and during those nine holes I learned a few principles that transfer to leading both myself and others.

Teamwork. One of the individuals in our group had never swung a club before our time together. We spent time on the driving range beforehand teaching her the basics. On one hole as we approached the green her shot was the best. Sometimes people on a team we wouldn’t expect will bring us the best results . . . be sure we don’t limit others.
Appreciate and don’t compare. As a naturally competitive individual I tend to compare another person’s positive results to mine that aren’t as good and get frustrated. What if instead I appreciate their strengths and successes and use that as encouragement to continue to grow and push forward toward my goal. Comparing our results and basing our value as a person on results will only lead us down a path of decreased performance in the long run. Learn from others and get results based on your skills.
Relax and don’t rush. As I said I am not a very good golfer, but I know this much: if I relax I perform much better. Just like I have a job to do, so does the club and when I would step up, take a deep breath and just swing I did much better than when I was tense and trying to hit the junk out of the ball.

As leaders when we have a relaxed but focused mindset we perform at a much higher level than when we are constantly tense and forcing our agenda. This relaxed state enables us to listen and think into the answers more effectively.

During my time at this golf and learn I was challenged to reflect on what I had learned over the previous few days of the conference. A quote from James Allen really stuck out to me:

“You don’t get what you want, you get who you are.”

Are we the kind of leaders who will attract others? This quote and the above thoughts challenged me to think what kind of leader am I becoming? Do I focus on the external too much when I really need to pay attention to who I am more than anything else?

What about you? How can you appreciate and empower the strengths of those you lead? How can you relax for greater effectiveness? What can you do to stop the comparison game? How can you learn from other’s success and continue to grow? Lead well at work and home.

Oct

2017

Grow or Stay the Same?

Recently I read a book called Mindset. This is an excellent book about having a growth versus a fixed mindset. As I read this I have found what can be my biggest struggle as a leader. I want to often stay comfortable and I resist change. I resist getting out of my comfort zone.

One night I saw this played out. I was sitting in the kitchen with my family. At the time we had the opportunity to purchase a “new” car. New in my world means not as old as the one I presently own since I’m not a fan of buying a brand new car. No offense to anyone who is in that industry.

My youngest child had only known our blue Honda Odyssey which had close to 200,000 miles and had a stylish exterior with large flakes of paint chipping off. My son was getting extremely upset as he did NOT want to get rid of the van we’ve had ever since he was born. This van was comfortable, safe and familiar.

Less than a week earlier he had ridden in the “new” van and was excited thinking it was the coolest thing in the world. How quickly we forget our positive experiences.

You would think we told him we were taking away his favorite toy because h was so attached to the car in this moment that he was tearing up and having quite a fit. As I reflected on that moment I saw a child who was tearfully expressing his fear and anxiety about what for him was a traumatic change.

When I observed this drama play out while my amazing wife compassionately listened to my son, a thought came to me. . . . . I am just like my son.

I want to accomplish something of significance in my life. This requires me to change and grow. In order to change and grow I have to leave what is comfortable and safe for something that is new and potentially much better. When it comes to this mindset it can be boiled down to two ways of viewing the world: abundance and scarcity.

Scarcity says that resources are limited and will run out eventually or there are only so many pieces to the pie. A person with this mindset can struggle to give away resources, ideas, credit, or even power. From a leadership perspective this can lead to micromanaging and possibly appearing egocentric.

On the other hand abundance mindset people are comfortable in their own skin and who they are. They do not believe resources are limited. They believe if they give eventually more will come and there is plenty for everybody.

So what does all this have to do with leadership? When we see change on the horizon are we afraid to leave what we know because we don’t think we could possibly end up in a better situation (scarcity thinking)? On the other hand do we see the change as an opportunity to gain more than what we left: more resources, experiences, etc.? As you look at leading at work and home today are you holding on to the past or looking expectantly to the future? Embrace the change, engage in new experiences, surround yourself with other people who will challenge you and grow.

Jul

2017

From Can I? to How Can I?

I don’t know about you, but often in my leadership journey at both work and home I struggle with my own self-doubt and what are called limiting beliefs. I get caught in the comparison game and look at others’ “highlight reel” and fail to realize that is not the entire story.

Think of an earthquake. A subtle shift between two plates creates huge waves of cataclysmic proportions that can create massive destruction. Here is the subtle shift I need to regularly make and maybe you do too. Change the question from “can I?” which is full of self-doubt and beliefs that limit us from reaching our full potential to “how can I?”

One word makes all the difference. Often this word “how” can limit us from stepping out to try something new, but in this case it encourages us to move into action. These three words assume there is a way to achieve the dream we are pursuing and we just have to find the map to get there. This will be challenging though.

John Maxwell in his book The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth states: “Can I? is a question filled with hesitation and doubt . . . How can I? assumes there is a way. You just need to find it.” So how do we find it? Here are a few ideas.

Act – if we stay stuck worrying about whether or not we can do something the only action we will take is exhausting ourselves with worry. An idea comes to mind as a next step to get you to your goal. Take the step.
Think – sometimes we ask can I? because it enables us to not have to think into the answer that how can I? requires of us. In order to figure out the how, we must take time to think . . . creatively and for those of us with a bias toward action thinking feels like we are not being productive.
Discern – when we have appropriate self-awareness we are able to see the reasons behind our hesitation or doubt when we pursue accomplishing our vision. For example are we afraid to start because of a fear of failure or even a fear of success? Is our hesitation because we look at what we have done in the past and allow that to determine what we will do in the future? As we discern our limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering beliefs we will move from Can I? to How Can I? and eventually to I Did!

I have not mastered this in any way. If you are like me then the principles above and following questions will help you break through your barriers to accomplishing what you desire. What is holding you back? What is the big dream you are hesitating to pursue because you don’t know if you can do it? What limiting beliefs are you accepting that hold you back? Are you taking time to think into possible solutions to move you forward? Are you taking action that will move you a step closer to your goal? In the words of the infamous NIKE slogan . . . . just do it . . . now.

Feb

2017

A Warrior Mindset as a Leader

If you have ever played sports you have heard a coach tell you “be tough.” What does that mean? How does it apply to the world outside of sports? Former secret service officer Gary Byrne in his book Crisis of Character provides a term he learned through his law enforcement training: “warrior mindset.” He states that this “refers to a state of mental preparedness in the face of danger and harm. Warriors are committed to surviving no matter what and never giving up even in the face of great adversity.”

Byrne explains that this mindset includes four things:

Mental toughness – personally I like to call this fortitude. Author James Loehr in his book The New Toughness Training for Sports: Mental Emotional Physical Conditioning from One of the World’s Premier Sports Psychologistsdefines mental toughness in the competitive arena as “the ability to consistently perform toward the upper range of your talent and skill.” This ability to perform at a high level regardless of circumstances exemplifies mental toughness.
Focus – I think of the mini-series Band of Brothers which chronicles the experience of a group of WWII soldiers. In one of the scenes these men are running with bullets flying all around them. As a warrior in battle one must be focused and not allow the bullets fired at them to sidetrack or fatally wound them. As a leader at home or work “bullets” will fly, can you stay focused enough to not let them fatally wound you?
Concentration on goal – in order to accomplish any goal, big or small, one must keep focused on the end and not get distracted by the less important goals that may not lead to the greater goal.
Perseverance – Byrne states it as “doing everything necessary to attain [the goal].” If the goal is big enough and worthwhile enough then you will not let anything stop you from accomplishing it. I think of my children when they were younger and they really wanted a specific electronic device. Mom and Dad were not going to buy it so they had to save their money. All of a sudden with each boy there was an intense determination to figure out ways to make money. They were willing to do work they normally wouldn’t do if it meant they would earn a little extra money. If the goal is important enough, nothing will stop us from accomplishing it.

You have heard what Byrne has to say, what about you? Do you have a warrior mindset? How would you rank yourself in each of these areas on a scale of 1 to 5? First we have to have the right mindset, but sometimes we need to have someone alongside us in the journey to help us get to the ultimate destination. Do you have that someone? Do you need a coach just like a warrior needs a commander? I am here to help you become the best version of yourself, but it starts with you taking the first step. Start developing that “warrior mindset” today so you can live a life of significance through all your tomorrows.