SELF LEADERSHIP

Mar

2021

What The Gambler Taught Me About Leadership

When I was a kid my parents had a record by the late Kenny Rogers and I remember them playing the song The Gambler. I had this song queued on my music list because I played it for my boys when Kenny Rogers passed away. One particular morning I was listening to it while warming up for my workout and I noticed this song is about much more than a game of poker. This song teaches us about leading ourselves.

A Train Bound for Nowhere

I heard this first stanza in a way I never had before. I always thought they were sitting at a poker table. They were two men lost in the haze of life staring out the window maybe trying to figure out their purpose. This can feel like our lives as we lead ourselves and others.

At times we feel like we are on a train bound for nowhere or simply running the rat race of life. We are looking for purpose. Maybe the business is struggling, the boss is on you more than usual, you aren’t meeting your numbers or life at home is even more stressful. Sometimes we need a gambler to speak wisdom into our lives just like happens in this song.

I Can See Your Out of Aces

As they begin talking, the gambler can tell something is on his mind. If you are out of aces in poker you are in a hard place. (I assume since I’ve never played poker) He was down on his luck and life was not going well for this man on the train.

I’ve heard it said that there are no two good days in a leader’s life. My guess is this man had been experiencing many days that weren’t going well. He was soothing his pain with whiskey in hopes to make it better. When you are all out of aces and down on your luck who or what do you run to? Does it help you lead better or hurt your leadership?

Learn to Play it Right

As I listened to this part I was seeing things I’d never seen before over the years. The gambler wasn’t giving advice on how to play poker as much as how to deal with life and adversity. If you know this song you are familiar with how much of the rest goes. One of the pearls of wisdom the gambler drops is:

“The secret to survivn’ is knowin’ what to throw away and knowin’ what to keep.”

In leading ourselves and others we constantly make decisions on what to persevere through and what to let go of. At times we have to keep the cards we are dealt and persevere to the other side in order to fulfill our personal or professional vision. Other times we must let go of the habits, hurts, or ideas that don’t serve us and/or those we lead.

Just like the poker player doesn’t know what to keep and what to throw away the same is true for us. How can we speed this process? Surround ourselves with other leaders to help us increase our collective wisdom and learn from those who have gone before us as the gambler taught this man.

Has leading got you down? Is there something you need to “throw away” or something you want to throw away, but need to keep? Are you losing the self-leadership battle and need someone on your side to help you identify what to push through and what to let go of either personally or strategically within your organization or team? Contact me for a thirty-minute thinking partner session at no cost to you. I can’t help you with poker, but I can help you think into your results for more focus and effectiveness. Lead Well.

Jan

2021

The Power of A Single Habit

Most years I am in the gym in January and it is packed. I cannot get on equipment because everyone is pursuing their New Year’s resolution to lose weight. There is lots of energy and many people. This year has been similar, but not as many people.

Then the middle of January hits.

The numbers are back to what they used to be. People tried, but didn’t create a habit. Maybe this is you already. In his book The Power of Habit Charles Duhigg discusses the process of building habits which you can read here. According to cognitive neuroscientist expert Caroline Leaf, it takes 21 days to change a habit at a neurophysiological level and 63 days to make it permanent!

When we’ve made this change we have created something lasting.

Keystone Habits

I have a friend who recently started training to run a mini-marathon. In the beginning he was getting up and running on a daily basis. Around the time the weather got colder he had a few weeks lull in his training. Do you know what happened?

Not only was he not performing at his peak physically, but his performance and focus at work dropped as well. This illustrates the power of a what Duhigg calls a keystone habit.

“keystone habits encourage change: by creating structures that help other habits to flourish.”

My friend had developed a habit that impacted everything else in his life in a positive way. This key habit can be a personal change or an organizational habit change. Maybe in your organization by changing the order taking and filling process everything else will be positively and powerfully impacted. This is a keystone habit.

Willpower

Just like my friend, it takes willpower . . . at least in the beginning. Whether organizationally within a culture or on a personal level Duhigg found:

“Dozens of studies show that willpower is the single most important keystone habit for individual success.”

If it requires over three months for a habit to be permanently ingrained, then as leaders we have to be disciplined to promote the change in our culture. The change starts with us. My friend joined a gym so he could run and strength train and began seeing his performance at work improve again, but he had to choose that path.

Make it Personal

We all have felt the exhaustion of driving on pure willpower. We can only push so hard for so long and as leaders we do not want to be “pushing” our teams all the time. What can help make the shift? Again, Duhigg makes an excellent observation:

“When people are asked to do something that takes self-control, if they think they are doing for personal reasons – if they feel like it’s a choice or something they enjoy because it helps someone else – it’s much less taxing.”

If we are making a personal habit change this idea is simple, but applying this on an organizational level is more challenging. Take time to help individuals align this key habit with their personal goals and the habit will stick. When our team personalizes and sees the value of the habit for them, we shift from pushing to a keystone habit.

What is the one key habit that would impact multiple areas of your life personally? If you lead an organization or team what key habit would most impact results? Need help thinking into this? Contact me for a no cost one on one thinking partner session. Lead Well.

Dec

2020

Holiday Self-Leadership Part III

Originally this series was based on a series of videos I did last year. For this final blog in the series I’m making an adjustment.

I was at the Christmas celebration with my wife’s side of the family. After our celebration time we reflected on how Christmas can feel less special and meaningful. All our kids are old enough that the magical feeling has greatly decreased. After talking ideas came to mind of how to lead and make Christmas less about getting and more about something else.

Engage with Others

As I reflected the next morning, I realized family gatherings personally become less meaningful because I fail to engage those around me. This specific experience I managed to get myself lost after visiting someone in my wife’s small town and was late . . . but that is a story for another day. When I finally arrived, I was in my own world and was not engaging well with people around me. We all have stress, worries and life happening . . . especially this year, but maybe if we take the time to ask questions, listen, and engage with those around us we will experience the joy of relationships and connecting.

Serve Others

While processing this struggle of maintaining the joy of the holidays I realized I need to step up my leadership. What do I mean? I wonder what it could look like if I encouraged my family and led the way to adopt a family and provided for their Christmas. Shift our Christmas from giving gifts to one another to serving a family in need. For this to be part of our family I need to step up and lead by planning, preparing, and implementing. Maybe this idea would be good to implement both in your home and your organization.

Focus on the Real Meaning

This part may be different for you than for me. For me the meaning of Christmas is the love God showed the world by coming as a child to ultimately give us hope and save us. Now, that may not be the real meaning for you as you. Maybe the real reason is family, or you have a different faith so it is different for you. Regardless of faith, a shared meaning of the holidays is they are a time to focus on others and giving. To focus on the real meaning, intentionally lead ourselves and others in ways that connect with and serve them over serving ourselves.

I realize the end of the year is stressful even without the holidays. How can you shift your focus slightly so you can enjoy the holiday season more this year? Share with me. Enjoy your holiday season and lead well.

Dec

2020

Holiday Self-Leadership Part II

Last week I shared ideas on how to lead ourselves well during the Holidays. I’m continuing this week and as I said this is based on a series of videos I created last year, but the world has changed since last Christmas.

I don’t know if you’re like me, but life can get really crazy during the holiday season. There’s already expectations at work and at home, but then we pile on the often-unrealistic holiday expectations. Maybe a pressure to buy lots of gifts or excessive commitments to be at multiple events even in a time when gatherings are limited the pressure has gotten more complex. What can we do to help us with these expectations?

Even in a limited gathering time like this we still all have a lot going on, but maybe one of these ideas will help you adjust your expectations and maintain perspective during this time.

Community

This is a unique year in that we are limiting how much we gather, but we still need community. Community is connection whether in person, on the phone, or via video. People in our community can help us maintain a proper perspective. How do we build that community whether in person or otherwise?

Ask questions and be fully present with the other person. We’ve all done it. We are on the video conference or phone call and we only half listen because we are busy doing something else. When we are in person we look present, but mentally may be elsewhere. We were built for human interaction. During the holiday season take time to connect and listen for what other people need to understand appropriate expectations.

Realistic Goals and Expectations

Life is much different this holiday season than it was a year ago. Considering that, have we modified our expectations? We may not be able to get that perfect gift . . . and the other person may be ok with that. Chances are they care more about us being fully present with us emotionally than receiving a present. If gifts are important to those in our community, how could we provide them in a way that creates less stress while showing great love to those individuals?

Serve

A third idea is getting out of our own world. I know during the holiday season our family tries to find unique ways to help other people. In the past, we’ve delivered gifts or food to families in need. Also, we have gone to a place in downtown Indianapolis to wrap gifts for a community gift shop. Each of these ideas are ways we get a fresh perspective and help us be certain we have realistic expectations.

These were three simple ideas on what we can do to help us adjust our expectations and maintain perspective. As leaders when we have proper perspective and expectations we will be in a place to help those we lead do the same. Which of these areas will you engage with this Holiday season? Let me know and lead well.

Dec

2020

Holiday Self-Leadership Part I

Last year I posted on Facebook asking people the greatest challenges they have over the holidays. I received multiple responses and over the next few weeks I’ll share some ideas I hope will help you in leading yourself during the holidays.

I originally talked about some of this in my Friday video last year, but a lot has changed in our world since I made that video. During the holidays in a non-pandemic year someone asked how to take time for themselves during the holidays. Allow me to suggest a few ideas on leading ourselves in three different areas during this time.

Physical Self-Leadership

In a normal holiday season, we get worn down but this compounds with the added stressors of staying at home and potentially virtual school. If we can’t lead ourselves well during the holidays, we’re not going to be able to give generously to those around us at work, at home, and in other areas. Leadership is influence and we can’t give what we do not have so we must take care of ourselves during the holiday.

What can we do to overcome this physical fatigue? Many of us get caught caring for others so much we forget to care for ourselves. One way is taking care of our physical well-being. During the lockdown period this year people took walks to exercise. This same idea can apply during the holidays. If you are like me, you have more treats during the holidays so taking ten minutes each day to do something active can help us with our physical well-being. This could be a walk, push-ups, yoga, stretching or some level of physical activity.

Mental Self-Leadership

The physical activity not only helps our physical well-being, but can also help our mental well-being. Combine the pressures of our present circumstances with the normal work, home, and holiday pressures and you can reach the point of exploding!

So what could we do? One idea is a breath prayer or thought. Take a moment to let the stress go either through a physical response such as a breath out or a phrase like “let it go” or “it will all work out” or if you’re a person of faith you’d say “somebody bigger than me is in control.” I don’t know what phrase works for you but determine a way to release that stress in a positive way to help your mental wellness.

Social Self-Leadership

When I first talked about this the context was a little different than today. Right now any time spent in direct interaction with others can be very welcome. During this time of year we may be reminded of a loss in our life. At times we are stressed because of interactions with those in our life we prefer not to be around. In our present reality there are some topics we avoid discussing because it can increase tension. With this social tension combined with extra tension from the realities of this past year, how do we lead ourselves in this area?

Community. Who are the safe community of people you can interact and be honest with during these times? They may be from a group you are involved in or activity you participate in or a close, trusted neighbor. Whoever it is connect with them or maybe you need time to escape alone to hide in a closet or bathroom just to recharge. Depending on your personal style find a way to stay fresh socially so you can connect with others in a meaningful way.

There it is. Three areas to grow our self-leadership during these unique holiday times. If you want to see the series of videos I made on this topic last year go here for this video and you will be able to find the others as well. Make this a great week and lead well.

Apr

2020

Persistence Like Rocky

I’m in my home office fighting to keep moving forward and stay focused while downstairs I hear my oldest son watching one of my favorite movie series. . . . Rocky. Since we couldn’t take a Spring break trip this year, he ended up on a Rocky binge over the days of Spring break.

Recently I reflected on how each of the movies offers an encouragement for self-leadership while facing adversity. I hope you find this encouraging or maybe you will go on a Rocky binge yourself. Spoiler alert: Rocky always wins in the end, but the journey is what makes the movies great.

Go the Distance

In Rocky he was selected to fight the heavyweight champion in spite of having no experience at that level. This was to be an exhibition match, but Rocky had a different thought. The night before the fight he is in his apartment expressing his self-doubt to Adrian about being able to win, but in that moment decides he will go the distance and not quit.

When leading yourself and others are you going to allow an obstacle that seems unbeatable to prevent you from giving your absolute best?

Adapt for Victory

In spite of declaring there would be no rematch Apollo Creed demands a rematch in Rocky II. This time Rocky is faced with the reality that he has to change in order to not just go the distance but have a chance for victory. Rocky had two major weaknesses: slow feet and being limited with his right hand punching. Through hours of rigorous training and perseverance he adapts as a fighter and in combination with his persistence he comes out as the new heavyweight champion by the end.

As a leader how do you need to adapt in order to accomplish the goal you are pursuing?

Overcome Defeat

Some have said remaining successful is harder than achieving it which is the battle we see in Rocky III. Balboa has money and more wins under his belt, but an extremely hungry challenger, Clubber Lang (AKA Mr. T), comes along and dethrones Rocky in three rounds. To compound this professional loss, he also loses his friend and manager Mickey. In this time of loss and great confusion along comes former heavyweight champion Apollo Creed to encourage, empower, and train Rocky.

Before Rocky is able to even think of getting back in the ring he has to overcome his personal self-doubt and break through the barrier of personal disbelief. In a powerful discussion with Adrian on the beach he leaves disbelief behind and relentlessly grows and develops himself in order to ultimately regain the championship title.

What is the limiting belief you need to confront and overcome to get back on the path of success?

Fight for Something Bigger

Rocky IV brings forward both a physically and globally gigantic challenge. The Russians had brought their champion to America to fight an exhibition match which ended with death. Rocky at this point determines he must fight the towering giant not only for personal reasons, but as a representation for his country. Balboa didn’t need to keep fighting and was retired, but this was a mission of significance. He was compelled to represent his country before the world and fight.

How do you need to shift from success to significance in your leadership? What can you do to lead yourself and others toward a greater purpose?

Hold Your Ground

Rocky V was not necessarily one of my favorite Rocky movies, but it chronicles the story of an athlete struggling to redefine himself while straining the relationships with those he loves. After he learned from the doctors his career was over, he soon meets a rising star who ultimately loses his focus on what really matters. In a critical scene at the end the star challenges Rocky to what ultimately becomes a street fight. Rocky did not want to fight, but as a matter of respect for himself and honor for his family he wins a street fight proving himself.

Now I am not saying we go have street fights as leaders. At times though we hold our ground for what is right like Rocky did. Where do you need to hold your ground and fight, not out of self-centered arrogance, but a deep understanding of what is right?

Leave a Legacy

The series ends with Rocky Balboa. At this point his wife, Adrian, is gone, his son is an adult, and he is peacefully running an Italian restaurant. The media stirs up the idea of this old Rocky fighting the present world champion. After deciding to fight, Rocky and his son have a discussion where Rocky reminds his son “It’s not how many times you get knocked down in life, but how many times you get back up.”

During this final fight of Rocky’s career he gets knocked to the mat, but remembers his words to his son and you see him slowly stand to his feet to ultimately finish the fight. What gets him back up this time . . . the legacy he wants to leave for his son . . . he must live out what he speaks.

Dear friend, what is your legacy going to be as a leader professionally, but more importantly at home and with those closest to you? Will those closest to you at home and professionally say you fought with integrity and perseverance to the end living for something of significance? Life is a battle. Keep fighting and be the leader you were created to be. Lead well.