SELF LEADERSHIP

Sep

2018

Three Ways to Help Your Mindset as a Leader

“A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts.” James Allen

Self-leadership. We all have to do it. Whether you lead at the highest level, own your own business or participate in an organization in various roles without a formal position of leadership. Even when we are not at work we have to do this. How are you doing in this area?

Each morning I wake up, somedays before the alarm goes off, but often shocked into reality by music blaring out of my alarm. Then what . . . do I snooze? Do I hop out of bed excited by a new day of adventure? Do I lay there thinking of all I have to do that day? Do I start worrying about the million things out of my control?

It depends.

One thing is certain, my mind is going and the battle is raging. What will be my first thought? After that will I feed it so it grows or dismiss it?

It depends.

For years I fulfilled a role as a strength and conditioning coach. My job each day was to get athletes to do what they naturally did not want to do . . . work hard on something they may not have seen the benefit in so they could be better at what they enjoyed . . . their sport.

Mindset is key. Carol Dweck in her research on this topic wrote a book about this topic. She highlights two types of mindset: growth and fixed.

Fixed – this is how I will always be and I can never change . . . these are the cards dealt to me.

Growth – I can change and evolve into a different person than I am today.

Both are rooted in our thoughts which directly impact our outcomes. Anyone who has spent time selling anything whether that is an idea, a product, or a service knows this is true. Whether we have doubt or confidence in what we are selling others will sense it.

Let me suggest a few ideas on how to get our mind set in a direction for success each day.

Gratitude. When I wake up each day even though I would rather lay back down I try to think of at least one thing I am grateful for. That may be “thank you for this new day.” Starting the day with thanks and gratitude will help set our attitude in the right direction.
Set the Agenda Beforehand. I find that if I set my agenda for the day, week, etc. the night before I am not waking up anxious about that day. By writing it down the tasks and goals are out of my mind and I can reference them when work time begins.
Think Time. Each day as I eat breakfast I read and journal. These may not be habits that work for you, but this is a great way for me to dump yesterday’s garbage and some of today’s poor thinking. I read something that will inspire me to live for more than just myself. For me that is the Bible, but for you it may be something as simple as a quote of the day on a tear off calendar. Taking time to clear my mind of the garbage and fill it with truth is critical to helping me have the right mindset.

This only touches the surface of this issue and in later posts I will dig deeper because as the quote at the top says, our thinking determines our character which impacts our results. Which of the three ideas can you implement to help your self-leadership? Need someone to help you think into your results? Contact me. In the meantime, lead well at work and home.

Aug

2018

Golf and Leadership

At the end of my conference last week I participated in a golf and learn experience. I hop in the golf cart awaiting the start of the first golf scramble I have ever participated in. My cart partner introduces himself and shares about his experience as a golfer.

He plays three times a week.

Me, I am lucky to play three times a year. On one hand I was glad because at least we would have a good ball to play every time and a better chance to win. . . . my competitive side. On the other hand, my fragile ego was worried about looking like a fool because I play poorly.

We played nine holes and during those nine holes I learned a few principles that transfer to leading both myself and others.

Teamwork. One of the individuals in our group had never swung a club before our time together. We spent time on the driving range beforehand teaching her the basics. On one hole as we approached the green her shot was the best. Sometimes people on a team we wouldn’t expect will bring us the best results . . . be sure we don’t limit others.
Appreciate and don’t compare. As a naturally competitive individual I tend to compare another person’s positive results to mine that aren’t as good and get frustrated. What if instead I appreciate their strengths and successes and use that as encouragement to continue to grow and push forward toward my goal. Comparing our results and basing our value as a person on results will only lead us down a path of decreased performance in the long run. Learn from others and get results based on your skills.
Relax and don’t rush. As I said I am not a very good golfer, but I know this much: if I relax I perform much better. Just like I have a job to do, so does the club and when I would step up, take a deep breath and just swing I did much better than when I was tense and trying to hit the junk out of the ball.

As leaders when we have a relaxed but focused mindset we perform at a much higher level than when we are constantly tense and forcing our agenda. This relaxed state enables us to listen and think into the answers more effectively.

During my time at this golf and learn I was challenged to reflect on what I had learned over the previous few days of the conference. A quote from James Allen really stuck out to me:

“You don’t get what you want, you get who you are.”

Are we the kind of leaders who will attract others? This quote and the above thoughts challenged me to think what kind of leader am I becoming? Do I focus on the external too much when I really need to pay attention to who I am more than anything else?

What about you? How can you appreciate and empower the strengths of those you lead? How can you relax for greater effectiveness? What can you do to stop the comparison game? How can you learn from other’s success and continue to grow? Lead well at work and home.

Jul

2018

What a Rollercoaster Taught Me About Change

Have you ever paused from being an adult to enjoy being a kid with your own children or grandchildren? A while ago I went to a popular Midwest amusement park with my family. Sometimes when the pressures of life are hitting it is fun to embrace being a child with your own children. Unfortunately, as we get older the fearlessness that existed when we were teenagers and in our early twenties can fade. What my body allowed me to do in my early twenties it now yells back at me “you fool” with a bout of pain or other unique bodily symptoms to remind me I am not indestructible.

So what does this have to do with change other than me not enjoying the fact I am getting older and my body is slowly changing while my mind does not embrace it? As I was at this park it had two elements, a park with roller coasters, and other rides, but it also had a water park. I thoroughly enjoy roller coasters and I chose to brave a 60+ MPH roller coaster with a gigantic drop. As we crested the top of the hill I looked down from the front seat and wondered what I was thinking. The car roared down one hill, up another, around corners and continues for a thrilling adventure I had no choice but to embrace because I could not get off (apart from a heart attack or other extreme medical emergency).

Sometimes this is what change feels like for us. Life happens and we have no choice, but to embrace it and figure out how we will respond.

We are in our job, click, lock we just sat in the seat of the roller coaster and there is no turning back because we need to support ourselves or we have invested too much into the business to look back.

Click, click, click . . . we start to climb up the hill of the track slowly as we build our business or fulfill our role in the department we hear rumblings of changes that need to occur because results are not where they need to be.

Vroom, whoosh we suddenly are thrown full throttle into the speed of change as business slows tremendously or the boss says: “it is time to change or we change you.”

This is one of the most difficult parts of the process. How will we respond? Will we push back and fight against the change thrust upon us by arguing how everything is fine if we stay the same? Will we deny the facts that business is slowing and not seek out help to change? Will we scream in anger and try to increase our control of what we can in hopes of avoiding the inevitable?

There is another option: embrace the change, swallow hard and see this as an opportunity to grow. It may not be easy, but in the end we will take one step closer to becoming more of the person we were made to be as we learn and grow.

Change can be a thrill, a terror or a combination like on a roller coaster. In the beginning it usually is terrifying especially when we do not initiate it. If we embrace it, trust, and keep a positive growth mindset ultimately we come to the end and like my son we may even say “it was awesome!”

Jul

2018

Three Tips to Improve Emotional Leadership

I was facilitating a group with some leaders and during the course of our time together we discussed the Law of Momentum from John Maxwell’s book The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. One of the roadblocks to momentum we discussed was the reality that our emotions can derail the progress we are achieving.

In the 1990’s researcher Daniel Goleman introduced us to the concept of emotional intelligence. In his book Working with Emotional Intelligence he describes his research findings after testing and in-depth interviews with hundreds of workers. He states:

“emotional competencies were found to be twice as important in contributing to excellence as pure intellect and expertise.”

Wow! We need to pay attention to this. This may have originally come out twenty plus years ago, but the importance is even more critical today in our social media oriented world. Entire books have been written on this topic by Goleman and others, but let me highlight two areas that arose in our group: calmness and anger.

Confession here: I am not a patient individual so in leadership roles I have a lot of room to grow in remaining calm and keeping my frustration tempered. I don’t know about you, but I find it takes more energy to remain calm than to give full vent to my emotions. We all know remaining calm is more fruitful in the long run.

So what can we do to improve?

Be Aware

Similar to individuals dealing with addiction the first step is recognizing this area is a challenge. Over time I have become more tuned in to my emotions, or what Goleman calls self-awareness, that I can sense when I am beginning to get frustrated. Some of those signs are as simple as an elevated heart rate or sensing my anger rising.

Be Prepared

When we go on a trip for work or personally we have a plan “B” if everything goes awry such as phone numbers of people to call and alternate forms of travel and hopefully some cushion so we can still make the event on time. Do we have a plan on how to respond emotionally in a way that calms us instead of reacting and then having to spend time cleaning up the mess we created? Maybe this is as simple as sitting down and putting our feet up when talking to the individual instead of standing with our arms crossed. Try sitting and see what this does for you and how it impacts the other person’s response. Maybe you need to go somewhere and do some pushups just to let off steam, go for a five-minute walk, take ten deep breaths, or call for a break in the meeting so the tension in the room can ease and you can process.

Act

This is not earth shattering, but once we have a plan do we implement it when the time comes. This takes intentionality because we want to react, but to manage our emotions and remain calm when we want to explode takes intentional action.

If you have ever worked with teenagers you know they are excellent at pushing the anger button. I have found as I am aware of my anger rising and want to pull the authority card that will not build our relationship in the long run, I work instead I try to take the individual aside and either stand with my hands behind my back as I talk or sit down while I discuss the issue with the individual. This forces me to be calm and therefore can create a more emotionally stable and respectful environment for both of us. At the end of the day as we improve our emotional leadership we will grow the respect we have for ourselves and others will grow in their respect for us.

What area of this do you need to grow in? Is this the first time you even have thought you may have an issue you need to deal with? Do you need others to help you in your awareness like a coach? Do you have a plan so you can respond instead of react? Do you simply need to follow your plan? We won’t improve overnight. Like everything, this is a process so take the first step today and celebrate the small victories along the way to leading better at work and home.

May

2018

Climbing and Leadership

I’m sitting on a bench on a cloudy day in the woods in Southern Indiana as I watch my oldest son seeking to reach the top of a climbing wall for the first time. We are at a Father/Son camp experience and he has tried to climb this wall multiple times over the years. The last time he did it with me present a wasp intervened and stung his leg. On this particular day a loose rock prevented him from reaching the goal as it caused him to slip.

He looks down when he is about two-thirds of the way up and yells, “Do I get some red juice if I make it?”

I don’t answer because I want him intrinsically motivated to accomplish his goal.

He continues to climb and I help him to see what he can’t see such as where to place his feet because a rock may be between his legs and he is unaware. He takes each step up and with great care reaches up and touches the top of the wall looking down while I take pictures.

As I reflected on that climb I saw three key principles that apply to leadership. Leadership is like climbing up a wall. Whether at home or work the following three principles from his climb apply to our leadership.

Hold Your Vision – My son had a desire to reach the top, now the desire for another glass of juice may have helped him persist, but the desire kept him climbing. With every step he got closer and as long as he held in his sight the ultimate goal he was going to get there. As leaders we must have clear vision. We must know where we are going and keep that ultimate vision in front of us whether that is to meet a business benchmark, personal goal, or help a child reach a personal benchmark they may not even be aware they have.
Listen to the Right Voice – We all have thoughts that come into our minds. Which ones do we allow to stay? Is it the voice like mine that continually encouraged my son that he could do it or are we tuning into the voice that instills doubt and fear? The thoughts we allow to remain in our minds impact our leadership. What we feed our minds from the outside can either help or hinder us from fulfilling the vision.
One Step At a Time – Climbing is never easy. Unless you have super powers it will always require one step at a time. As my son struggled up the wall there were times he had to pause and consider the next best move which worked sometimes and at times did not. As leaders we need the big picture, but the implementation takes one step at a time.

What is the leadership climb you are on right now? Do you have someone helping you see the next move to reach your vision? Are you listening to the right voice? Anything worth having will be an uphill climb. Who do you have encouraging you and coaching you along the way? Whatever the vision whether at work or home continue to take one step at a time and like my son you will reach the top, look down, and smile . . . . then get ready to climb again. Lead well at work and home today and let me know any way I can help you.

Apr

2018

Three Ways an Assessment is Helping Me as A Leader

In February I was at a conference learning how to be a better coach, speaker, and trainer. We are sitting around tables and the speaker describes an individual who likes to be in charge, enjoys leading, can be impatient and a few more traits. As he continues to describe these characteristics it was obvious he was describing me.

A couple months later I use a simple assessment with my boys who are 12, 10, and 7 after they have just watched a Star Wars movie. They sit at the table and place check marks next to the box that best describes them. After finishing the simple assessment they figure out what personality type they are. I then invite them to read about their specific result and each one agrees the description sounds like them.

This tool I learned about and the simple version of the tool I used with my children is a DISC assessment. Now, I can fool myself, but unlike me kids don’t overthink something like this. With that in mind, I was amazed at how accurate it described their typical behavior. How does knowing all this help me become a better leader?

Understand Me – In order for me to be able to help others I need to be aware of my strengths and weaknesses. This tool helped me understand my natural tendencies and enables me to be aware of areas I am weak so I can prevent them from negatively impacting those I lead.

Understand You – This tool describes four general types of people and of course no assessment is perfect, but it provides language that helps me understand others better. As I was in the workshop I learned ways to work with each type of individual, specifically in a sales conversation, but it applies to any conversation where we are influencing others.

Make Adjustments – When I am self-aware and also other-aware I am able to be tuned into some of my responses to others and adjust. For example, I like to get stuff done, but some people have “life of the party” personalities. This can be a point of tension so I need to be aware of my needs, adjust my approach, and set expectations so that we can “have fun” while getting work done. Maybe in the process I just might have fun.

I was working with a client who had taken this assessment I was trained on in February and it helped validate his style, but also gave him an increased understanding of different approaches others have that will arrive at the same goal. He saw his strengths and areas to be aware of and improve. The tool helped him to increase his awareness of himself and grow as a leader.

Maybe you are like me and you need to learn how to lead better both at work and home. If you want to discover more about this tool and how it helps let me know. In the meantime, continue to grow in your self-awareness and make the adjustments necessary to lead well at work and home.