SELF LEADERSHIP

Jan

2018

The Pain of A Lack of Awareness

I had the opportunity to give my oldest son a unique experience. At this point in his life he wants to be a pilot so I had a friend who provided an experience for us in a four seater plane.

As we were getting in the plane everyone had boarded the plane and I was the last one to get on. I rounded the corner to get into the plane and my head smacked into the wing of the plane since they are not very far off the ground as you can see in the picture of one above. After trying not to shout an expletive and letting the stars clear I quietly got in my seat in the rear of the plane with no one else knowing anything happened.

As I sat in my seat watching my son experience flying a plane I was pondering how often in my life I am blindsided just like I was by that wing. Life happens and at times the obvious catches me quite off guard just as that wing had.

You see, I knew the wing was there, but maybe I just needed a simple reminder to duck (which I had done on the other side by the way) to avoid an unnecessary thump.

What does all this have to do with leadership?

Awareness – according to the “google” dictionary is “knowledge or perception of a situation or a fact”

What do leaders need to be aware of as they lead?

People – are there people whom you work alongside and/or lead who blindside you because of inadequate communication? Do you unintentionally blindside others for the same reason? Who are the key influencers that help move your organization or team forward? Do you need to help them increase their awareness of the influence they have or can have within the organization? Are your people in the right seat on the bus as leadership expert Jim Collins describes in his book Good to Great?

Processes – are there systems within your organization, department, or team that slow down effectiveness? Do you have processes that help work flow smoothly and effectively? Are you aware of the processes that exist within your organization either organically or intentionally? What processes do you need to create or evaluate? Do you need to educate others on processes that will improve work flow and overall organization, group, department, or team effectiveness?

Situation – author Dennis N. T. Perkins in his book Leading at the Edge says “instill optimism and self-confidence, but stay grounded in reality.” Leaders are continually looking ahead to see where the group can go and tend to be quite optimistic, but are you aware of reality still? You may want to engage in a high cost project, but you don’t want to be hit upside the head because you do not have the appropriate cash flow to support the venture. Leaders must see both the opportunity and the reality and that requires awareness.

I look at this limited list and think these three items are overwhelming and there is definitely more to be aware of as a leader. I can’t do this type of thinking alone . . . I need help . . . someone who will ask me questions and help me think into my situation. Maybe you feel the same. If so, contact me and let’s have a free 30 minute coaching session to see how I can help you lead yourself and others better. Increase your awareness or you may have more than just a bump on your head like I received from the airplane wing.

Dec

2017

Do You Feel Stuck?

A while ago I read a book by leadership expert John Maxwell called Intentional Living. This book discusses how to live purposefully and not simply run through your life aimlessly. It seems to me that at each decade of life a new question arises that causes me to think about what really matters. I recently hit one of those decades.

During this time I have asked myself if I am living as intentionally as possible. I have not spent these first decades of my life pursuing money and fame, but have sought to develop leaders particularly among the next generation, but can I be more intentional in what I do? As I read this book I came across a section that discussed how to find your why. When we know our why in life it makes the “what” of our life much more enjoyable.

John provides three clues to understand your why:

What do you cry about? Does a certain cause or injustice bring you to tears or are tears caused by a specific pain in your life?
What do you sing about? Is there something in your life that brings great inner joy such as helping others achieve success?
What do you dream about? If money were not a concern, what is it that you dream of accomplishing? Is it something so big you know you can’t do it alone? If you can do it alone, maybe the dream is not big enough.

Maybe you know these answers and you are in your passion zone, but still feel stuck in a rut. What can you do? Here are a few ideas:

Make a change and try a completely new job or role. Maybe your time where you are is up and you need a new challenge somewhere else if there is not an opportunity where you are. (Now, this does NOT apply at home just so you know)
Shift your mindset. Maybe you’ve had a desire to continually be getting and you are at a spot where you need to be giving more to others. Giving of your wisdom, giving of your time, giving a listening ear all may create a situation where you end up getting out of your rut.
Try to be a rookie at something. Why do we like getting a new _________ ? On one level this is because we are invigorated by the challenge of understanding and learning something new, but as we become experienced we can become bored. What is something you can approach like a rookie? Maybe a new skill, experience, or taking an appropriate personal or professional risk that will stretch you and make you grow.
Get objective help. At times we can benefit from someone who will help us think into our business, leadership, and life. An effective coach will help you do that because they will help you think into your results by asking questions.

This summer I had to help someone get their car out of the mud because they were in a rut with their tires spinning. Three other men and I gave the driver a push and after spraying mud all over us she was on her way. If you are stuck in a rut either personally or professionally hopefully this gives you a push to get out. It probably won’t be clean or easy, but it will be much better than staying stuck in the mud. Take the first step to lead yourself well in this so you will lead others better.

Oct

2017

Grow or Stay the Same?

Recently I read a book called Mindset. This is an excellent book about having a growth versus a fixed mindset. As I read this I have found what can be my biggest struggle as a leader. I want to often stay comfortable and I resist change. I resist getting out of my comfort zone.

One night I saw this played out. I was sitting in the kitchen with my family. At the time we had the opportunity to purchase a “new” car. New in my world means not as old as the one I presently own since I’m not a fan of buying a brand new car. No offense to anyone who is in that industry.

My youngest child had only known our blue Honda Odyssey which had close to 200,000 miles and had a stylish exterior with large flakes of paint chipping off. My son was getting extremely upset as he did NOT want to get rid of the van we’ve had ever since he was born. This van was comfortable, safe and familiar.

Less than a week earlier he had ridden in the “new” van and was excited thinking it was the coolest thing in the world. How quickly we forget our positive experiences.

You would think we told him we were taking away his favorite toy because h was so attached to the car in this moment that he was tearing up and having quite a fit. As I reflected on that moment I saw a child who was tearfully expressing his fear and anxiety about what for him was a traumatic change.

When I observed this drama play out while my amazing wife compassionately listened to my son, a thought came to me. . . . . I am just like my son.

I want to accomplish something of significance in my life. This requires me to change and grow. In order to change and grow I have to leave what is comfortable and safe for something that is new and potentially much better. When it comes to this mindset it can be boiled down to two ways of viewing the world: abundance and scarcity.

Scarcity says that resources are limited and will run out eventually or there are only so many pieces to the pie. A person with this mindset can struggle to give away resources, ideas, credit, or even power. From a leadership perspective this can lead to micromanaging and possibly appearing egocentric.

On the other hand abundance mindset people are comfortable in their own skin and who they are. They do not believe resources are limited. They believe if they give eventually more will come and there is plenty for everybody.

So what does all this have to do with leadership? When we see change on the horizon are we afraid to leave what we know because we don’t think we could possibly end up in a better situation (scarcity thinking)? On the other hand do we see the change as an opportunity to gain more than what we left: more resources, experiences, etc.? As you look at leading at work and home today are you holding on to the past or looking expectantly to the future? Embrace the change, engage in new experiences, surround yourself with other people who will challenge you and grow.

Oct

2017

How Do You Achieve Balance In Life?

“I’m too busy!”

“There’s not enough time in the day!”

“I can’t seem to balance work and life!”

Do some of these statements resonate? They often resonate with me and I believe many people feel similar. The overarching question is how do I achieve balance?

Once I was working with a group of leaders from a non-profit organization. As we were interacting around the table during a session of The Leadership Game, a team building and leadership assessment tool I use with organizations, a common theme from this group of dedicated leaders arose: work/life balance. To help investigate this issue let me point us to people much further along in this journey than I am.

Leadership expert John C. Maxwell provides in his book The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership* a part of the answer in the Law of Priorities. Maxwell helps us understand that priorities force us to evaluate if we are just being active or are we actually being productive. How does this apply to achieving balance? Simple. Look at the calendar and is our time being used in a manner that produces the results we want in our lives or are we running like hamsters on a wheel being active with tasks but getting nowhere?

Once we have established our priorities authors Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend provide an abundance of direction on the concept of boundaries in their book Boundaries which I strongly recommend if this is a challenge for you. Specifically related to work challenges, the authors suggest that if “people took responsibility for their own work and set clear limits,” most of their problems would not exist.** This points us to another principle in work/life balance. Once we know our priorities we do what we need to do and avoid taking on other individual’s responsibilities.

To illustrate, I once heard Collin Powell discussing how he was in President Reagan’s office discussing all the challenges he was facing with the military at the time. He continued to expound for a period of time and I would guess he may have hoped for some answer to all his problems. The response he got from the President was an observation about a squirrel outside the oval office in the grass. In the moment Mr. Powell must have been dumbfounded. After further reflection he realized the President was indirectly saying: “that’s not my problem.” So if it is truly not your problem whether at work or home, set an appropriate boundary and let them struggle, figure it out, and grow.

Author Richard Swenson, M.D. in his book Margin provides the observation that the “tendency of our culture is to inexorably add detail to our lives . . . . Yet one can comfortably handle only so many details in his or her life. Exceeding this threshold will result in disorganization or frustration.”*** We have many options, needs, wants, and desires vying for our attention. In his book he provides practical solutions for improving margin in many areas. To add practical steps to this part of achieving balance with time I will highlight a few of his suggestions (some are slightly modified) related to time.

Learn to say no. It may mean saying no to a good thing for something that is greater and more in line with your priorities.
Unplug. Do we need to be on that device or should we just sit and talk with the people around us?
Practice simplicity and contentment. It seems the more stuff I have the more time it takes from me.
Create “buffer zones.” Is there margin in your calendar or is everything stacked right on top of one another?

These are only four of sixteen suggestions he provides on this topic alone. I do not have this all figured out because I am on the journey of balance as well, but hopefully these principles will help move us in the right direction toward work/life balance. What is one action step you need to take today to move you toward greater balance in life? Maybe you need someone to coach you through the process. If that is the case, contact me today for a free coaching session.

*Maxwell, John. The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. Nashville, Thomas Nelson, 2007.

**Cloud, Henry and Townsend, John. Boundaries. Grand Rapids, Zondervan, 1992.

***Swenson, Richard. Margin. Colorado Springs, NavPress, 1992.

Sep

2017

Are you laboring in the right area?

When I was a kid I had a little hamster named Henry. He was one of my only pets. He was cute and furry and we let him run around once in awhile . . . much nicer than my evil parakeet we later brought into our home. If you have ever had a hamster you know they will run around on the wheel in their cage. Well Henry did this quite often, but he ran on the outside of the wheel. We knew when he was running because that wheel squeaked loud!

One New Year’s Day I woke up and looked over and Henry looked very asleep. I don’t know if he had a crazy New Year’s Eve or what, but Henry was no longer with us.

As I reflect on this it makes me think. I don’t know when my last day will be. Am I running like a hamster on a wheel or am I intentionally filling my days with purpose? Am I simply chasing the urgent and getting nowhere or am I purposely and intentionally pursuing life focusing on the important as much as the urgent.

Years ago I learned the concept of the four quadrants. I referred to it in a post previously, but I will review them briefly. They are divided into urgent and important and to illustrate you can see below.

Important

And

Urgent

III

Important

NOT

Urgent

And

NOT Important

And

NOT Urgent

Henry, my hamster, I would argue lived in quadrant I of important/urgent. I wonder if he thought he was actually accomplishing something as he ran on top of his wheel each day. This is where we run through our days answering e-mails, texts, or other communication and responding to everyone else’s problems. Somedays I wonder if I am just the hamster and running busily, but am I productive?

A continual example of when I live in quadrant II is when my boys are fighting for any number of reasons, but in the process it usually gets to a fever pitch of screaming for mom and/or dad. At that point the crisis becomes urgent, but probably not that important because the reality is one child is simply trying to get the other in trouble or if I give it enough time they will figure it out on their own (but I may have to repair drywall afterwards). How much time are you spending in this quadrant?

In our information age I can easily wander into quadrant IV. Checking my personal e-mail account I constantly get tempted to click on some news teaser which really does not matter and does not help me move closer to my ultimate goal. Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, and more all have their value but usually suck me into the not important and not urgent unless I have an intentional purpose for being on that platform.

The final quadrant is where we develop ourselves, but is also the most neglected. Quadrant III is where we pay attention to creating space to take care of our bodies with proper exercise and nutrition. We take time to think into how we will intentionally go through our day. We engage with material that stretches our thinking and helps us grow. Spiritual disciplines fit into this quadrant as well. This is the quadrant where we may work ahead on projects, plan special events with our family and more.

As a parent and as a leader where do you spend most of your time? Being that in the States it is Labor Day weekend as I write this, where do you labor the most? What Quad III habits do you need to develop? Who will help you to develop the right habits to grow as a leader in these areas? The small disciplines make a huge difference in helping us lead from a more balanced perspective.

Aug

2017

I AM STRESSED!

Stress! We all have it. Some is good and helps us be productive and move into action, but too much and we can hurt ourselves mentally and even physically.

Lately I have had a lot going on. Demands at home and work have been compounding. Part of the stress at home has been trying to move into a new house since our three boys seem to be outgrowing where we are. Any of you that have moved know how stressful this can be on top of the normal stresses of life.

When I am stressed I get quite grumpy. I try to control my world even tighter so when people are not doing what I want I get irritated and tend to raise my voice a bit. . . usually toward my children unfortunately. This is all rooted in me trying to eliminate and manage my stress. When I am using poor methods to deal with my stress I am also setting myself up to lead poorly at work and home. As I write this I know I can’t control others, but can only control myself.

During this stressful time I went to bed unsettled and woke up the next morning thinking about this topic. So below are a few ways we may handle stress. The first list has unhealthy ways we manage our stress. You may do some of these things and when I say it is unhealthy I mean no judgement, just a statement that these are not helpful specifically to our physical health. Some examples of unhealthy habits may be excessive drinking, substance abuse, physically hurting ourselves (such as cutting), and even eating disorders can be used because people feel they can control it.

These are a few extreme ways we may deal with stress and I am sure there are other negatively impacting stress coping mechanisms, but these came to mind as big ones. So what are some healthy ways to deal with stress?

Exercise – when not done to an excessive degree it can physiologically and psychologically benefit us even if the exercise is in bursts throughout the day. Maybe you get stressed at home and just drop on the floor to do pushups or sit-ups to help calm you down and burn the energy productively . . . I know weird, but helpful.
Quiet time – I understand if your stress is those in your home this may feel impossible. If you have a lock on your bathroom door though it can be done. Taking five minutes to hide away and be quiet and still can calm us physically and mentally. Maybe you meditate, pray, journal, sit quietly and think of nothing or whatever works for you to slow down and help you regain perspective.
Reading – do you have a special spiritual book you read or quotes that help you? Maybe the Bible is that book or some other book. It may be a fictional book that gives you time to escape into another world and when you are done you feel recharged.
Talking it out – maybe you have someone in your life you can call up who listens and helps you process that stress. If you have complex business or personal issues that you need someone to help you think into then maybe hiring a coach will help you by helping you process and grow in whatever is creating the stress.

So as I was stressed I realized that morning I felt much better . . . still stressed, but not overwhelmed . . . after I spent time reading and journaling and physically getting it out through my workout. I don’t know what works for you and you probably have ideas I did not list. What non-destructive stress reducing habit do you need to employ? Maybe you are at a point that you need a coach, if so contact me and we discuss a free thirty minute coaching session.

Post some of your stress reducing habits below so we can learn from one another and grow in this. Stress happens and as we learn how to deal with it in positive ways we will be able to lead better at work and home.