SELF LEADERSHIP

Jul

2017

From Can I? to How Can I?

I don’t know about you, but often in my leadership journey at both work and home I struggle with my own self-doubt and what are called limiting beliefs. I get caught in the comparison game and look at others’ “highlight reel” and fail to realize that is not the entire story.

Think of an earthquake. A subtle shift between two plates creates huge waves of cataclysmic proportions that can create massive destruction. Here is the subtle shift I need to regularly make and maybe you do too. Change the question from “can I?” which is full of self-doubt and beliefs that limit us from reaching our full potential to “how can I?”

One word makes all the difference. Often this word “how” can limit us from stepping out to try something new, but in this case it encourages us to move into action. These three words assume there is a way to achieve the dream we are pursuing and we just have to find the map to get there. This will be challenging though.

John Maxwell in his book The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth states: “Can I? is a question filled with hesitation and doubt . . . How can I? assumes there is a way. You just need to find it.” So how do we find it? Here are a few ideas.

Act – if we stay stuck worrying about whether or not we can do something the only action we will take is exhausting ourselves with worry. An idea comes to mind as a next step to get you to your goal. Take the step.
Think – sometimes we ask can I? because it enables us to not have to think into the answer that how can I? requires of us. In order to figure out the how, we must take time to think . . . creatively and for those of us with a bias toward action thinking feels like we are not being productive.
Discern – when we have appropriate self-awareness we are able to see the reasons behind our hesitation or doubt when we pursue accomplishing our vision. For example are we afraid to start because of a fear of failure or even a fear of success? Is our hesitation because we look at what we have done in the past and allow that to determine what we will do in the future? As we discern our limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering beliefs we will move from Can I? to How Can I? and eventually to I Did!

I have not mastered this in any way. If you are like me then the principles above and following questions will help you break through your barriers to accomplishing what you desire. What is holding you back? What is the big dream you are hesitating to pursue because you don’t know if you can do it? What limiting beliefs are you accepting that hold you back? Are you taking time to think into possible solutions to move you forward? Are you taking action that will move you a step closer to your goal? In the words of the infamous NIKE slogan . . . . just do it . . . now.

Jul

2017

Leadership Lessons from the ER

A number of years ago I was having sharp pains all over my abdominal area. I dealt with them for over a month. I even went to the ER one night only to get a pat on the back and reassurance I would be OK. One particular evening I had gone out to a very nice steak dinner with my parents and family to celebrate my birthday.

After putting the kids to bed my wife and I finished our dessert from the meal and soon after went to bed. At about 11:30 PM I woke up and the pain was different. I just knew something was going on. I told my wife she had to find someone to watch the kids and that I needed to go to the ER.

Now I can tolerate pain . . . for the most part. This evening when we got to the ER all I wanted is them to give me something to stop the pain. It was excruciating and I had just seen my entire dinner again if you know what I mean.

The next ten days are a fog. During the first five I was so medicated I barely remember people coming in and out of the hospital to visit. I remember a point during my stay where I felt like I was suffocating and had to be put on oxygen while having a tube down my throat. I cannot imagine what my family was feeling because I barely knew where I was. Finally, after numerous tests, the day after my birthday the doctors opened me up to remove a large section of my obstructed small intestine.

After my ten days in the hospital I now weighed 22 pounds less than when I entered, actually less than when I was a freshman in high school. I was gaunt and felt like I was 80 years old. I felt like I was climbing a mountain just to walk down the street five houses in beautiful Spring weather. The recovery was slow, but now years later I have memories and a large scar to remind me of the experience.

What does this have to do with leadership?

Even in great adversity I had to lead myself – I was in the middle of completing my Masters and in spite of my situation I had to be disciplined to complete work to keep me moving forward. (I know … I am a little too “Type A”) As a leader we want to shut down and give up during the adversity, but the hardest person we have to lead is ourselves and keep taking one step at a time.
No matter how painful the problem, you have to find a solution – I was dealing with this issue for over a month and I tried to ignore it, but obviously I had to deal with the issue. In leadership there may be an obstacle or challenge we want to avoid, but if the problem is important enough no matter how hard we try, we will have to solve it.
Growth takes time – It took me at least a year to get close to where I was physically before the surgery. I was frustrated and I am impatient, but over time I got back. Leaders tend to want results yesterday, but as with our bodies physically it takes time to grow whether that is developing other leaders, an organization, or something else. We need to continually take patient action.

What about you? What leadership challenge are you facing at work or home that if you do not face it head on it will become an emergency? Do you need someone to coach you through the process and hold you accountable? Click Here if you want to learn about the coaching process.

If you found this helpful share it with others or share your thoughts below. Remember pain is temporary and growth is a process. You can do it!

May

2017

Is Your Pace Sustainable?

I was at my middle child’s track meet watching fourth graders run their hardest and trying to win races. I made the mistake of volunteering not realizing it would feel like late Fall instead of early Spring, but it was time with my son therefore freezing was worth it.

While watching the distance races I saw some of the kids burst out and they were in the lead way ahead of everybody else . . . until the final part of the race. At that point people were catching up and even passing the leader. These young boys and girls did not know how to pace themselves in a manner that would sustain their energy so they could give their greatest burst when they needed it the most.

There were three types of runners I saw during the long races.

The pacers. These were the kids that were smart enough to know their capacity and what pace they could sustain through a race. They would start to the back or middle of the pack, but eventually end toward the front.
The talented. These are what I would call the “energizer bunnies.” They had the capacity to go all out . . . and sustain it throughout the race. There were only one or two of those. These individuals ran their hearts out and appeared only mildly tired at the end. Was it talent or training? I’m not sure, but I’m sure the former was part of their ability.
The survivors. These were the ones who were happy to finish the race without getting sick or embarrassing themselves. They sustained the pace they could handle without killing themselves.

As I reflected the following morning, I was thinking this is how I lead myself and others. If leadership is nothing more than influence then how I lead myself will model how those around me at work and home will learn how to lead themselves.

Survival Leadership – this is when I run like crazy from one urgent need to another both personally and professionally. We have so many proverbial plates spinning that we try to keep them all in the air . . . alone. I would challenge I am not leading at this point, but just managing. I am working in my life/job, but not on my life/job.

Talented Leadership – this is the person who relies on his or her natural abilities to lead, but may not ever be growing so they stagnate as well as the organization they lead. This also can be the person who has amazing capacity such as the person who can successfully accomplish multiple projects on little sleep and may not even have habits to help them recharge, they just “grind on.” If this person gets on a growth path with a coach and allows others to help them think into their life they can grow from a good to a great leader.

Pacesetting Leadership – this leader knows where they are now and their present abilities, but knows they can grow and go further. This person sees the big picture and daily implements habits to help them and their team reach the ultimate goal. They go slow enough to lead others, but fast enough to not allow the organization to become stagnant and they are constantly adjusting similar to the “pacer” in a race.

Do you fall into one or multiple of these leadership styles? Do you need people to help you grow in your journey, maybe even a coach? What habits are you developing to help you maintain a sustainable pace and help you grow to the next level? Surround yourself with a strong team and keep running the leadership race and adjusting to improve every day.

Apr

2017

How to Get More Encouragement

I will start by stating the obvious; we live in a world that can inundate us with negativity so how can we be encouraged more? Before I go any further let me confess I am not the most positive person naturally. I am a recovering perfectionist and naturally tend to be extremely critical. With that being said, know that anything I say about this topic from here forward is stuff I am working on as well.

Who do you surround yourself with? Are they people that lift you up or people that pull you down? There are two types of people when it comes to this area:

Those who make you FEEL better. Now that may sound like a good thing, but what if they make you feel better by encouraging bad habits such as self-pity or destructive habits and enable you to continue down your path of destruction? Are they really helping you?
Those who make you BE better. These are the people in our lives that when life gets challenging they meet two needs in our lives. They are encouragers because they tell us we can get through the challenge. They are also “truth tellers” who will tell us what we need to hear, but may not want to hear in the way we can hear it. These people help us live to our full potential.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t have people around me every moment of my life encouraging me so that is where I need to apply what I am calling The Little Engine principle. Do you remember the book The Little Engine That Could? If you read it, why did we love that book? Because he believed in himself. Over and over he said “I think I can” until he reached the top of the mountain.

In his book The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth John Maxwell says: “You need to learn to become your own encourager, your own cheerleader. Every time you do a good job, don’t just let it pass; give yourself a compliment.” ¹ We need to be our own Little Engines, but this is hard so let me suggest a few ideas that help me:

Listen to encouraging talks
Quotes that inspire
Spend more time with people who are natural encouragers
The Bible helps me, but it may be some other spiritual book for you
Positive music
When the discouraging thoughts come reflect long enough to learn the source and see if there is something I need to learn and then replace it with the true thoughts i.e. After making a dumb mistake replace “I am an idiot” with “I made a mistake, what can I learn”
Instead of beating myself up for the little thing I did wrong in a project, celebrate all I did right while learning from the little mistake

These are only a few ideas and I am sure there are people who are much better at The Little Engine principle than me. If that is you and being a self-encourager comes a little easier for you, tell me what works for you. I want to learn from you. Maybe you are like me and you have other ideas that help you, put it in the comments. No matter what, remember you can do unbelievably more than you imagine and don’t let your thoughts tell you differently. I think you can. . . do you?

Apr

2017

Leading Yourself Better in Balance

Maybe you remember the dreaded geometry class when you were in high school. I know, I hated proofs. I apologize to all the math teachers, accountants and other numbers people out there, but those things seemed pointless and bordering on evil. I do remember there was such a thing as an equilateral triangle. When I think of my life I desire to have an equilateral triangle. What about you?

There are many areas to life, but three general areas I feel I am constantly juggling are the following:
1. Personal – my health and fitness, personal growth, spiritual growth, etc.
2. Professional – all the responsibilities related to my work life and development in that area
3. Family – all that relates to leading and loving my family such as providing, leading, spending time with them, etc.
Why a triangle? If you have ever tried to stand a triangle on one point it simply does not work. Go ahead try and prove me wrong (without flattening a point). Each point of the triangle is important and creates the entire object. There also must be equality on each side of the triangle or it no longer is an equilateral object. When all things are in balance life works much better. The reality is we rarely, if ever, maintain perfect balance in these three areas.
Two concepts from author Steven Covey help to evaluate how I am doing in each of these areas. In his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Covey provides two critical concepts that relate to keeping the triangle equal:
1. Begin with the End in Mind – The following question comes to mind when I think of this concept: what do you want people to say about you at your funeral? When we have a clear picture of our purpose that helps us to use the time in our personal, professional, and family lives wisely.

2. Put First Things First – are we putting those things that matter least in front of those that matter most? Are we living with the end in mind? To further detail this concept Covey provides the following diagram to help us prioritize our life.

	NOT IMPORTANT	IMPORTANT
NOT URGENT	NOT URGENT & NOT IMPORTANT	NOT URGENT & IMPORTANT
URGENT	URGENT & NOT IMPORTANT	URGENT & IMPORTANT

The challenge many of us face is spending a disproportionate amount of our time in the bottom right on the urgent and important work. For example: time wasters, busy work, trivial work, etc. To create balance in each area of our lives we need to spend time in the top right on the Not Urgent and Important. Activities such as relationship building, exercise, healthy eating, planning, preventative maintenance, etc.

Living a life of intentionality and purpose takes time and effort. How are you doing at this? Do you know your purpose? What quadrant do you spend the most time in? What needs to change? Who can help you create the equilateral triangle so you aren’t constantly emphasizing only one area? Don’t try to change everything at once. Take the first step and change one habit. Build a team around you to hold you accountable and you can live a better balanced and more intentional life. Hold yourself accountable and post your first step below. Good luck!

Mar

2017

Leading Yourself – Five Tips to Help

I don’t know how your morning works, but sometimes I do not just bounce out of bed ready to take on life. I sort of stumble out of bed give some thanks for a new day and get moving. Other days my mind whirls with all that I need to do. Some days I feel like a dark cloud is over me and I can’t keep climbing the mountain of life. No matter how I feel I have to lead myself. Quite frankly, I am the hardest person to lead.

Below are a few strategies I use to help me lead myself.

Beat the Cynic – Some mornings the hardest battle is replacing the critical negative self –talk with positive truth talk. Maybe some spiritual book you read such as the Bible or an uplifting quote will help you not dwell on the negative aspects of life.

Activate the Optimist – Unfortunately I have to train myself to be optimistic because of my personality. One practical step that helps me is remembering what I am thankful for such as my family, work, health, etc. For some people optimism is natural and easy, but if you are like me you have to be intentional about being optimistic. Maybe take time to write out a list of three specific items you are thankful for when the day begins or as you drive to work.

Slander Self-Pity – This one is very challenging for me some days. I want to wallow in my failures and over-analyze. I get this pathetic satisfaction out of being like Winnie the Pooh’s friend Eeyore constantly thinking “woe is me.” To get out of this funk I need to get active either with physical exercise or beginning the work I need to accomplish that day to move me toward my goals. Sometimes listening to positive music helps me improve my mindset or some type of talk on a podcast, CD, etc. to help me get the right frame of mind.

Lose Laziness – Laziness is the enemy of productivity, but I battle it like everyone else. Routines help me win this battle. The daily routine of creating time each morning to think and journal as I eat breakfast. This helps me activate my body and mind at the same time. As the mind gets active I begin to think about the work I need to do in order to move me toward my goals.

Cheer Yourself On – There is a phrase I use when talking with people I work with. I challenge them to “turn their own crank.” Basically I am telling them to figure out what motivates them and use that as fuel to keep them going. For example, if a quote inspires you . . . put it somewhere you will constantly see it. Maybe it is a song. . . listen to it at the beginning of the day. Maybe it is a picture that reminds you why you do what you do . . . a picture of your family, of an orphan, money, or something else that gives your life significance. Whatever positive resource helps keep you going , use it.

Author Terry Orlick in his book In Pursuit of Excellence says: “Don’t waste your emotion on things that are not within your control, that will not help your performance, or that don’t really matter in the bigger picture of your life.” So in what way do you need to improve your mental self-leadership? What strategies help you? Comment below so I can learn from you since this is a daily journey of growth for all of us.