SELF TALK

Apr

2022

Winning the Mental Battle

We are a Marvel movie family and recently we watched the second movie in the Venom series. You may think I am crazy that I am writing something about this movie and tying it to leadership in some way. Stick with me for a minute.

For those of you not familiar with the movie the quick summary is that an amoeba alien has become symbiotically attached to the main character. During the movie Eddie constantly seems like he is talking to himself. In reality he has an ongoing conversation with Venom. After watching I thought about how each of us has a Venom inside our heads.

We all talk to ourselves, but how can we manage that conversation like Eddie had to manage his conversations with Venom?

Hear Venom

Let me reassure you. You are not crazy. We all talk to ourselves. At times we are too busy to hear the voice or we try to avoid it because it drives us crazy. The voice in our head may serve us well . . . or not, but we will get to that in a moment.

During this movie there is a scene where Venom tells Eddie to look in a jail cell right before he is about to leave. In that cell are clues to what is going on in the movie. This is when the voice serves us well. We get this hunch to go somewhere, have a conversation with someone, do something, or any of something else. We act even though it makes no sense and something good happens or something bad is prevented. Take time to listen to the voice, but then go to the next step.

Test Venom

In the first movie Eddie had no clue what was going on and didn’t know if this voice was trustworthy. Similarly, we need to test the thoughts coming to our mind. My favorite book talks about “taking every thought captive.” When you hear the thought pause enough to evaluate if this thought is true and will it serve you well.

Decide if you Should Agree with Venom

We have heard the thought and tested the thought and now we need to decide what to do with the thought. Here are a few options:

Ignore the thought because it does not serve us and replace it with a thought that does serve us well.
Think on the thought to determine if we should continue to think into and act on it later.
Act on the thought if it serves us or could potentially serve us without major negative impact.

We all have a voice in our head. Accept that as a reality and even give it a name so, when necessary, it can be confronted directly. Our thoughts do not have to control us. Consider what we dwell on and focus on what is true, right, and serves us well to help us reach our vision.

Where in this process do you get stuck? Need help breaking through these limiting beliefs? Contact me for a no cost to you thirty-minute coaching session to help you think into your self-leadership. Sometimes the voice gets so loud we need someone else to help us test and decide. You are fighting the same fight everyone is. Remember you choose what you focus on. Focus on what is true and lead well.

Nov

2018

Fighting the Voice of Self-Doubt

Confession here. . . I talk to myself.

If you are honest, you know you do too. But the problems come based on the voice I listen to.

No, I am not insane, but I do fight the voice of self-doubt. . . maybe you do too or you have figured out how to neutralize it . . . or you are busy and don’t hear it or . . .

What do we do about this voice? It’s amazing isn’t it? I spend some of my time doing youth leadership training especially during The John Maxwell Team Global Youth Initiative and I talk to youth about this idea. We discuss how self-esteem impacts our leadership, but here I am many years along and it still can be a battle.

About a year ago I was at the International Maxwell Certification and listening to Seth Godin who mentioned the author Steven Pressfield so I went on Amazon, of course, and purchased one of his books.

As leaders we have to create in some form or fashion, but the voice of self-judgement creeps in and this is what Pressfield says:

“Suspending self-judgment doesn’t just mean blowing off the ‘You suck’ voice in our heads. It also means liberating ourselves from conventional expectations – from what we think our work ‘ought’ to be or ‘should’ look like.”

He continues on with the encouragement to follow your unconventional crazy heart. What does all this have to do with self-doubt? . . . . everything.

A few ideas:

Suspend the need to know how. When a crazy creative idea comes, think on it and process it with your team. Many times the need to know how gets in my way when it comes to taking risks. Sometimes we evaluate the risk/reward equation enough to make sure we aren’t being too foolish and then jump in and figure it out as we go. . . . just like when we learned how to walk. We take a few steps, stumble, fall, learn, get back up and try again.
Kill the Gremlin. One of my mentors calls this voice of self-doubt a “gremlin”. If you don’t know what a gremlin is then google it . . . and I’m not talking about the car. Once you kill the thoughts the gremlin feeds you then replace those thoughts with truth. What are you good at? What ways do you lead well? Is a “no” a rejection of you as a person or simply a “no”?
Get feedback from the right sources. When we are starting a creative new venture we want to be sure the voices we are listening to are honest, but also encouraging. These voices should not amplify the “should” and “ought” voices Pressfield talks about. These voices should be both honest and visionary to spur on your creative growth.

Leading is hard. The hardest one to lead is me. What helps you suspend the voice of judgement and doubt as you lead? Share with me. Stay connected and get my free e-book by signing up to receive updates, just click the button on the menu. Lead well today at work and home.