Ever since my kids started being involved in sports activities I have helped coach them. Selfishly I do it because I don’t want to sit and watch . . . I’m a doer so I’d rather help. Now with my youngest it has felt like herding cats since he is in the early elementary stage, but with my older two boys I have come to enjoy it a little more.
I remember as a child as I continued in my sport it got to be more serious and not quite as fun. That is the normal progression and each individual has to determine at some point in their “career” if they love the sport enough to continue when the next season comes. I appreciate that increased intensity and competiveness especially since I tend to be naturally competitive.
My children are not at that level yet and as I coached my middle child’s basketball team I had a rewarding experience. First, I am horrible at basketball. I am so bad that I missed a layup at 7th grade tryouts as a kid. I didn’t just miss it, but launched it up over the top of the backboard. Needless to say I was in over my head coaching 4th – 6th grade basketball players.
I realize I don’t have to be a basketball genius to coach this age of kids, but need to be able to teach them some of the fundamentals. Our first game we looked like a herd of kindergartners running around and not knowing what to do. I soon realized I had to tap into my resources and learn how to coach better. I attempted to improve my coaching each week and slowly saw the team improve as well.
By the end of the season a thought became the central theme of our team. This was not about performance and making shots or blocking shots or rebounding. Three ideas became our theme: focus (quite hard at times for squirrely young boys) teamwork and best effort. Our team was full of individuals of varying abilities and when I began to emphasize above all else these three ideas the boys started to play better than they had all season to the level they beat one team they had not all season and came within a basket of beating another.
What does this have to do with leading?
At home, what are we emphasizing? Do our children feel like our love for them is based on how they perform in sports, school, activities, etc.? I am sure that is not how any of us feel about our love for our children, but do we unintentionally send that message?
I think about how many times I discipline my children (which is necessary) for bad behavior. Do they think I only love them when they are well behaved? What would happen if I intentionally highlighted when my children act with great character and make great choices? When they are involved in activities what would happen if I first address whether they are acting with great sportsmanship and effort and as an afterthought discuss performance?
At work, do those we lead get positive feedback only for great performance? Do they know we care about them beyond just performance? Do we slow down enough to know what else is happening in their lives? As they know we care maybe their performance will improve.
Leading is a challenge. At home, I know I need to be more aware of what I say to my children about their activities to emphasize who they are over how they perform. I want my children to have the right character when they enter the real world as well as achieve to their fullest potential. Am I being the example to model that? In every area I lead, am I valuing character alongside performance? What about you? What do you emphasize in your leadership at work or home? Share it below.
©2018 Wheeler Coaching Systems, All Rights Reserved
states: “the standards you establish for others must reflect the standards you set for yourself. No one will follow a hypocrite.” The Principle: Lead by example and do not expect of others what you would not do yourself. If I expect others to get up early and workout . . . I must be willing to do it to and be ready to go.
discusses the role of a coach as a teacher and how to get the best out of players. He states: “if you want to help someone be the best he can be, you have to learn as much as possible about what makes him tick . . . everything a player does is an opportunity for us to learn something about him.” The Principle: When you know the people you lead you will be able to teach, lead, and inspire them better. For me I can get quite lazy and not take the time to understand those I lead. As I get to know the people then I am able to lead better because I know what they desire and how that can align with what the team is trying to accomplish.
he states: “Working hard is important: having a clear vision of why one is working hard is even more important.” The Principle: When you have a clear vision or “why” for what you are doing the hard work does not seem as difficult. I exercise each day which is hard work, but my objective is to stay healthy for my family and avoid gravity. These two reasons help keep me motivated to work each day.
they discuss communication as a leader. Shula discusses how people will test boundaries and try to see what they can get away with. He emphasizes the importance of being consistent, but also careful in confrontations: “you must be wise in your confrontations and flexible in the way you treat people at such times.” The Principle: Hold the line and communicate with individuals in the manner that is most appropriate during the confrontation. One person may respond best to an “earful” from you while another may need you to put their arm around them and encourage them while confronting them. If you are like me the second method is much more difficult, but the effort in the long run will help the team stay on track.
also addresses communication in leadership. He discusses the value of candor in the leadership relationship. A lack of candor creates confusion where the followers are uncertain what is expected and may assume the worst. Parcells provides a health definition of candor stating: “True candor is the measured telling of the truth, not the open venting of rage.” The Principle: A leader must be open, honest, calm, and clearly define expectations to those he or she leads in order to avoid confusion. When we communicate we need to pause and reflect on what needs to be said and not just react and vent our frustration. Often I find I vent when I am unclear on what I expect. Clarify and then calmly communicate with candor.
states: “The culture you create permeates everything you touch.” The Principle: The leader creates the culture both intentionally and unintentionally. As a leader if the culture of the team or organization is toxic it may be time to look hard at yourself and see what part you have in creating that. What are you actively encouraging? What are you passively encouraging?