I have been preparing for an upcoming webinar on communicating with care and candor so I 
picked up Kim Scott’s book Radical Candor.* In this book she provides language for us to process how we are communicating when we lead.
For me candor and challenging others comes easily, but then I tip too far to that side and forget about caring for those I’m talking with. In my Friday video I mentioned the idea of kindness and the value of kindness in our leadership. As leaders we must demonstrate this kindness and care, but balance it with honest and at times difficult communication.
I have found models helpful for evaluating my performance. When I was first learning how to perform the squat exercise, I went down to what I thought was low enough. I was uncomfortable so it must be the standard, but later realized I was going only halfway to where I needed to be! The example of someone else helped me understand the standard.
Scott shares with us a framework for providing guidance to those we lead and interact with. These are her four terms with a brief explanation to help understanding.
Obnoxious Aggression
As I learned about this, I realized I fall in this category more often than I want to admit. This is the person who has no filter and tells EXACTLY what they think about something. We know they are being honest, but they fail to balance their honesty with compassion. At times this person may compliment, but include a belittling tone or sarcastic jab in the statement.
Manipulative Insincerity
When we provide guidance in this way, we are being political or guarded for a personal gain. Jim has turned in a project and the quality was not good enough but instead of telling him you say the quality is acceptable. Why? This keeps him happy and thinking he is doing well, but really you need to replace him. The insincere compliment buys you more time, but fails to be either caring or candid.
Ruinous Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share feelings with others. This is a good trait and a quality of great leaders, but leaders put themselves in difficult situations that can potentially lose the respect of others if it prevents them from making difficult decisions. When Jim was not performing well his leader did not criticize him because he did not want to create tension. This unintentionally set a lower standard and negatively impacted the entire team.
Radical Candor
This is when we have the right balance of care and challenge. Imagine you are talking to a neighbor who lets their two-year-old play near the street constantly. You say “Sue I know you love your son” which demonstrates care. Shortly after you kindly, but directly, remind Sue if she lets her son continue to play that close to the street, she may lose him. Care and challenge combined create this radical candor.
As you look at these four ways of guiding people that Scott provides, which do you tend to fall into? In what ways can you grow in either care or candor with those you lead? Need help thinking into your leadership? Contact me for a thirty minute no cost to you thinking partner session. Lead Well.
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